


Your Silver

by Wordsinrain



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama, Humour, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marauders' Era, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-20
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2017-10-26 08:29:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 64,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/280894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wordsinrain/pseuds/Wordsinrain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius/Remus Slash Marauders in Hogwarts: Sirius is oblivious to Remus's feelings for him. But what he does know, is that he will do anything to make sure no harm comes to him. So when Snape starts to figure out what's going on Sirius knows he needs to do something fast.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dislclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter quite obviously
> 
> Warning: SLASH! GAYNESS! GUY ON GUY. If you do not like do not read, simple? Good now we all agree.
> 
> On with the story

[ ](http://pics.livejournal.com/writerofshadows/pic/0002f9s9/)

Wind howled viciously around the tower rattling the windows. It wasn't a rare occurrence for the weather to be as it was, yet tonight it seemed to have more of a ferocious edge to it. The rain drummed against the glass and the sound cut through the chatter of the Gryffindor common room.

A seventeen year old boy with messy hair and round glasses was sitting in one of the chairs looking like the epitome of all that was droopiness. His head rested on the arm while he stared longingly into the fire. He sighed, pretending he didn't notice the three figures sitting around him.

'James, and I call you James because you are no longer worthy of being called Prongs, you are being amazingly pathetic,' Sirius said. His shaggy midnight hair reached his shoulders and his smile was one that could charm the devil himself. He prodded his friend on the chair to try and get some sort of reaction but none came other than a sigh. His eyes turned to the other two friends in a desperate plea.

'Prongs what did she do this time?' Remus tried. He thought that if he didn't respond to Sirius's insults then all that was left was to actually get him to talk about it.

'I like the fire,' James replied simply. 'It's red like her hair. Her long silky hair.'

'Oh god. Moony tell me he is possessed. I can't take this.' Sirius fell back into another chair the back of his hand covering his head in a dramatic manner. Remus wished he could, but alas their mighty friend was completely and utterly love sick with someone who was never going to return his affections.

'It can't be all that bad, right Prongs? You could have other girls,' Peter suggested his rosy cheeks flared up by the fire.

'She has my heart! Her and her alone,' James was sat up now and his hand covered his heart to emphasise his point. Sirius responded by hitting him in the face with a cushion. He fell back into the seat with an almighty _thump_.

'Man up, either move on or try to win her over, this is not the Prongs we know and love, he would not be wasting his youth moping.' Sirius' words fell on deaf ears.

'She has those little freckles, the ones that go over her nose.'

'Well done, she also has green eyes, what is your point?' demanded Sirius. At the mention of green eyes James seemed to shrivel up even more into his chair.

The wind gave another powerful blast and Remus looked out of the window. They would have to go soon. It was getting close to evening and it was a full moon tonight. He couldn't help the usual fear running over him. His worries were strengthened by one of his watchers being not much more than a puddle of goo.

Turning back to his friends he unconsciously scratched his scar and tried to figure out the best way to move the situation forward.

'You know if she walks in and sees you like this she will undoubtedly be strengthened in her resolve to ignore you out of existence,' he pointed out. James stood up at the comment and they all grinned. That was until he started trudging towards the stairs.

'She won't see me if I'm in the boy's bedroom.'

'Yes she will. I'll send her there,' Sirius replied. James eyes widened and for a moment Remus wondered whether it wasn't James who could turn into a puppy. 'Oh for god's sake we have to get to the…we have to go to detention.' Remus raised his eyebrow in Sirius's direction. There seemed to be a negative correlation between Sirius's brilliance and how much he was annoyed.

'Detention this late, why do we have detention this late?' Peter asked. 'Ow'. Sirius had elbowed him sharply in the side at the question, not that Remus could blame him for it. He ran his hand through his short waves and realised if he didn't make a decision now they were going to end up having to deal with his situation in the middle of the common room. Not at all the desirable plan for the evening. He looked at James, his hair was messier than usual and his green eyes were red rimmed with heavy bags underneath. His shirt was wrinkled and he looked like hadn't washed in weeks.

'Ok Prongs I have to go now, you can stay here with Sirius and Peter. I should be fine behind the…you know. I shouldn't need you guarding me tonight.' He wasn't sure he believed that. He didn't particularly feel comfortable at the best of times never mind if his friends weren't there. Sirius frowned. His grey eyes were almost covered by his lids as he glared. Remus felt an uncomfortable knot in his stomach, one he was accustomed to getting. There was just something about Sirius's glare that made you suddenly feel like you were only two feet tall.

'Don't be a moron Moony just 'cause James here can't grow a pair doesn't mean you should have to suffer. He can be miserable all by himself. We will go with you,' Sirius decided.

'James can't be left by himself, he will unquestionably jump off the Astronomy tower from sheer desperation.'

'Fine. Wormtail can stay with him. Let's go.' Sirius stormed away his hair almost horizontal from the speed. Not wanting to infuriate him anymore Remus hurried after him. Unfortunately Sirius had rather long legs and had a horrible habit of using those long legs to their full ability while angry. Remus only managed to catch up to him at the statue.

They moved down into the familiar tunnel, it was the same as ever. They could only see a little way around them but it was enough. The walls grey and stoic were covered in what had to be decade's worth of dust. It was a long tunnel reaching underneath most of the school grounds. Sirius was still walking fast and Remus has to jog every so often to keep up.

They got to the end of the tunnel and stepped out into the rain. It only took a few seconds for his clothes to completely cling to him. Of course Sirius was already removing his clothes, so Remus waited, watching as Sirius's body contorted and reformed. Thick black fur growing in tufts out of his skin until his body was completely covered.

Sirius would be the one to press the knot but it was going to be difficult for him. They were used to the tiny rat being able to fight the branches the whomping willow. Sirius was fast though and Remus reckoned that would be enough. The branches attacked him with great big swooshing sounds and he darted through narrowly missing the assault. It took a long time of dodging before he could see his chance to hit the knot.

Remus winced as he saw Sirius's tail get hit but the dog didn't seem that bothered. He continued into the new tunnel picking up Sirius's clothes. James had once made a comment about getting some drapes or paint to brighten up their monthly trips but Sirius had called him a nancy and that was the end of that. Personally Remus didn't think it would change anything that much, it would still be horrible no matter if it was covered in books and Gryffindor colours.

As he entered the shrieking shack he noticed Sirius was sitting on the sofa with one of the woollen blankets across his waist and legs. Remus smiled and put the teen's soggy clothes next to him on the chair. He started pacing.

'You're gonna make a hole,' Sirius commented head in hands. Remus looked at him and wished so hard that he had Sirius's nonchalance. Instead his skin itched with nervous anticipation.

'Impossible. That would take decades probably centuries,' he replied before continuing with the pacing. He felt a twisting in his chest first, as if a force of gravity was pulling at his heart. He knew it was happening now and he wanted to cry. His blood then started heating pulsing faster through his veins. Shocks ran across his bones as they began to change shape. He opened his mouth to scream but his lips wouldn't stop moving outward. His nose grew longer, colder. His entire body vibrated. His thoughts moved. The pain and worry replaced by hunger. As the transformation completed he lifted his head and howled, instinctively warning others off his territory. He sniffed the room around him, he wanted food and he wanted freedom.

He caught the scent of the dog but left it alone. What he wanted most was to get out into the open air, where he could be free, where he could hunt. He ripped at the door with his claws, pulling it apart splinters at a time. He was used to being kept in place by antlers. But they weren't here this time. He couldn't smell the rodent either. Not that the rat missing changed much. He was going to get out this time. He was going to kill.

The door finally broke apart and he leapt through. He raced through the tunnel. All he found at the other end was a tree: a big violent monstrosity. He needed to get past it. He ran out but was met by a think branch hitting him back into the tunnel. He lay down for a moment to recover, whimpering slightly. He could smell the dog behind him. If he didn't get out soon he was going to eat that damn dog.

He stared on at the tree, trying to find a rhythm to its defensive limbs but there wasn't one. It was completely random. He howled. Concentrating again on the tree he waited. The gap came and he leapt forward. Something sharp and powerful clamped onto his tail pulling him backwards. He turned snarling. The dog was quick. He was off and down the tunnel as a black blur. Furious the wolf chased after him. He was going to rip that overrated puppy apart.

As he emerged into the main room he sniffed the air. The dog was hiding but he was going to find him. He stalked around the edges of the room, sniffing each area separately waiting for the tiniest hint of canine. Did they honestly think one little dog could keep him guarded? Pathetic wizards, he would eat every last one of them if he could. He continued his path making sure to double check every corner he could as he circled the room. He couldn't find the dog's scent. So, he listened more, the breathing was faint but it was still there. Growling slightly he followed the noise to one of the cupboards. He ripped it open within seconds the rotten wood making it easier for his claws. The dog leapt out at him pushing him over before landing in a crouch a few metres away.

He was snarling now as well, the edges of his mouth curled over to reveal sharp white teeth. The wolf faced the dog but was already launching his attack. They met each other half way and fell into a mess of claws and teeth. The dog seemed only concerned with defending himself and aiming for the tendons at the back of the wolf's paws. The wolf wasn't so easily placated. He wanted the dog's throat in his mouth. His eyes were aimed completely at his jugular.

The dog caught his paw and ripped but he ignored it. They continued scrapping biting and clawing. But he was a wolf powered by the moon, and the dog was a dog, he wore out and the wolf took his chance his claws slicing down the dog's stomach. The dog transformed into a wizard. He flicked his wand and the wolf was blasted backward into the cupboard. As the wolf got back up the wizard was gone. Growling and whimpering he lay down and licked his wounds.


	2. Chapter 2

The floor was itchy. It was always that way when he woke up, splinters rubbing against his naked skin. His mind felt like broth: cloudy and stodgy. He couldn't think of what happened the night before, like the bottom of the pan it was impossible to see. He reached up to grab a blanket off the sofa his muscles screaming. 'Sirius,' he croaked his mouth dry. He got no answer. 'Sirius.'

It wasn't like Sirius to leave without him. He usually helped him back across to the castle along with James. Well James hadn't been here so maybe Sirius had thought he wasn't needed anymore. Though that didn't make sense, Sirius wouldn't leave him to make his own way back.

Remus struggled to his feet, the usual agony burning through his bones. 'Sirius?' he called again. He looked around the room but his eyes were dry and it hurt to look so hard. He found the pile that was his clothes and withdrew the wand. He mumbled a spell that was designed to light the person he one wanted to find.

It lit a bundle in a corner beneath the other blanket. Remus felt a sore lump in his throat as he shuffled towards the accusing light. With one tentative hand he pulled back the woollen garment. Remus wanted to vomit. Sirius still glowed with the spell making the blood a burnt orange. He was topless leaving the claw marks to glare at Remus. Forcing himself to move he cast another spell, this time it was one of strength on himself. His muscles were already hurting from his transformation, this made them throb.

He picked Sirius up in his arms. Ignoring the blood that dripped down on to the floor he walked out of the shack. It wasn't difficult to get to the point of the whomping willow. He solved it by summoning a stone in a way that hit the knot perfectly. It was a good thing he couldn't use magic as a wolf.

Outside, walking across the grounds, the damp air clung to them both. There was a thick overcoat of fog and Remus was glad for that. It would take a lot of explaining to anyone who was passing by why he looked so bad while carrying Sirius Black in his arms who looked even worse. The journey to the hospital wing didn't leave any impression on his mind, it blurred past him as he hurried to Madame Pomfrey. She could fix almost anything, as long as Sirius got to her alive.

He practically threw Sirius on one of the hospital beds as he bellowed for the matron. She hurried toward him from the bed of another patient her eyebrows meeting in the middle.

'Calm yourself Lupin, what is the problem,' she spoke sternly. Remus pointed to Sirius frantically.

'What happened?' She asked further. She knew, she'd always known, Remus didn't know why she was asking him when there was someone else in the room.

'It…it was accident,' Remus tried, 'a dog.' It was all he could manage to say. Anything more useful or tactful was buried deep beneath the burning need to have Sirius okay.

'Ok. He will be fine Lupin, I don't need you passing out too.' So he sat next to the bed and his eyes fixed on Sirius as Madame Pomfrey went to work. He wasn't really sure what it was she did. It didn't make much sense to him but then again the air didn't make sense to him right now. He thought someone should tell James but he didn't want to leave Sirius's side. Besides the minute James checked the marauders map he would know they were here.

Sirius looked like he was shivering and his head had little balls of sweat decorating it like glitter. Remus wanted to wipe it away but he didn't want to interfere. His organs were twisting around themselves as he watched the wounds heal.

'Oi Moony why are…?' James said entering the wing. He stopped talking as his eyes caught the sight of Sirius. He rushed over followed by Peter.

'It went wrong,' Remus started to say but James started smiling. James wasn't an astoundingly handsome guy, not like Sirius. But he had such confidence that just made you want to bask in him. His smile was like a high voltage attack that just made your insides feel light. Today it made Remus feel heavier.

'Was worried there for a moment Moony, glad you got him here in time.' James pulled up a chair next to Remus. 'Not sure he is going to be happy 'bout his roommate though.'

Remus frowned and turned his attention to the other student in the ward. It was Snape. No Sirius would not like his roommate. Remus also noticed that Snape seemed fascinated with what was happening to Sirius. He looked back at the bed with Sirius in and noticed the wounds were completely gone now. James and Peter were here now, he doubted he was needed. He got up.

'I need to rest,' he said getting up, wincing as he moved.

'You ok?' James asked. Peter looked at him his eyes a little watery.

'I am perfectly fine. Make sure he is too.' Remus said nodding toward the bed. He didn't want to be there when Sirius woke up. Walking out of the hospital wing he briefly debated whether he should attend his classes or not. But there was a dull ache around his chest and he wasn't sure he could concentrate on anything except the pain. So he walked past the charms classroom he should have been entering and quickly head up the stairs to the Gryffindor tower. It was second so the only people who were about were sixth and seventh years who had frees. It helped that he was in sixth year, all of the teachers who passed him thought he was in a free. After all, Remus Lupin did not skip class.

There were only a few people in the common room as he entered. Lily Evans was sitting in an armchair by the fire, her skin was rosy from the flames. She noticed him and waved him over. He inwardly groaned but made his way toward her anyway. She had a potions textbook in her lap, opened on the page on how to make living death.

'Don't you have charms Lupin?' She asked with that caramel voice of hers. Her hair was loose and twisting around her shoulders, a sunny orange in places from the light of the fire. He debated whether he should lie to her or not but decided against it.

'Er …Sirius'

'Oh don't say you are letting him have that much influence on you. Just because Black and Potter are morons doesn't mean you have to be.'

'He got injured and he is in the hospital wing. He will be fine; James and Peter are with him. I'm just too tired.' Lily's eyes widened and with their moss colouring they appeared almost cat like. She looked briefly into the fire before turning her head back to Remus with the expression on her face she always reserved for James and Sirius.

'I suppose it was one of his pranks gone wrong,' she said.

'Yeah something like that,' Remus reasoned. The ache in his chest was bothering him and Lily's condescending eyes made it worse. Sirius was injured because of him, trying to help him.

'Why do you even both with them Remus? You're intelligent and sensible and five times the men they are.' For some reason Remus felt like crying and there was painful lump in his throat. He took a deep breath and tried to swallow the lump away.

'Because, they have the biggest hearts in this school.' He turned and walked a couple of steps towards the stairs and turned back, 'Just look at them a little harder Lily. You'll see.'

As Remus got to his bed he lay down. He needed to think of a plan. He was an abomination, a monster, and he endangered his friends. He nearly killed Sirius. How was he ever going to be able to fix this? He could runaway he supposed but how would he control his werewolf then, he would kill. Suicide…but he didn't want to die, he wanted to watch his friends grow. He wanted to see the amazing men they'd be. He wanted to see if James could ever get Lily to come round. Would Snape ever stop being a git? So no he didn't want die, but if it saved people who was he to be so selfish? There had to be another way. Dumbledore could possibly…but then that would mean admitting he injured Sirius.

He laid an arm across his eyes and tried to focus on breathing.

* * *

Sirius Black awoke to two pairs of eyes staring at him. He felt oddly numb. Peter threw his arms around him and Sirius struggled out of the grasp, realising at the same time he was in the hospital wing. Ah, Remus. He looked but he wasn't there.

'Well as it seems Padfoot you are capable of looking after certain situations but only by sacrificing yourself.' Sirius glared at James.

'Well if you hadn't been such a miserable git last night this wouldn't have happened. Where is Moony?' Sirius asked pushing himself to sit up.

'He went to rest. I might have had one of two drinks. I forgot it was a full moon but you are fine and Remus is fine so all's well that ends well right?' James smiled. Sirius grinned. Peter was crying.

'Ah Black you are awake,' Madame Pomfrey said shuffling over.

'And feeling great so can I go now?' Sirius battered his eyelashes. She laughed and James made a noise somewhere between a sigh and a groan.

'Nice try, you need to stay here over night. You may be healed but the tissue is still sensitive where you were injured. If you move too much it could rip and then you would be right back here anyway.' She walked away and so Sirius was pouting at no one in particular. He felt itchy to move and then his eyes caught the snivelley wretch.

'Why is Snivellus here?' he gritted through his teeth.

'He was here when Moony brought you in. Nothing we could do about it mate. Just hope he isn't staying the night too.' Now there was no way he was spending the night in a room with that bastard, he'd probably try to kill him in his sleep. The other problem being tonight was another full moon, and as last night proved all of them needed to be there to control the wolf.

'You can't go with Remus tonight,' Sirius said quietly, 'the wolf will probably kill you both. Stay under the invisibility cloak outside by the knot so you can do something if he does escape.'

James hit Sirius on the forehead, 'Is that really Padfoot?'

'Of course it's me you idiot.'

'Sorry you were just being so sensible. I thought you were an Alien,' James said.

'It does feel odd, a bit like indigestion,' Sirius agreed an uncomfortable look on his face. Peter gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. 'Perhaps you could put some itching powder in Filch's draws for me?'

'Sorry Padfoot my brave invalid, we need to go fix Moony.'

'We do?' Peter asked.

'Yes. Our intelligent and somewhat boringly sensible friend is most likely brooding over injuring Padfoot here.'

'That is true, if he was entertainingly sensible like us he wouldn't have the attention span to care,' Sirius added. 'Better go take care of him.'

'Indeed. Don't kill Snivellus when we are gone, I don't want to have to break you out of Azkaban, which is just too much effort for even me.' Sirius thought that was incredibly unfair. He could break himself out of Azkaban. But he was right, murder was not on the agenda, though what the hell was he going to do to alleviate his boredom?


	3. Chapter 3

Remus lay on his bed. His bones still ached from the transformation and his head felt heavier than the entire castle. It was always that way the day after. He usually pushed through it, continued going to lessons, did homework, anything to not arise suspicion. But he didn't even have that much energy. He had nearly killed Sirius. Out of the three animagi he knew the only one to be able to be alone with the werewolf was Sirius. James could hold the wolf back with his antlers, but without the dog snapping at his heels the wolf would decimate the stag. But even then he had nearly killed him. Remus wanted to be sick. He had been, after he had ran upstairs from Lily. He had been sick until his throat was raw and his stomach muscles cried.

He couldn't sleep. If he closed his eyes all he could see was Sirius's body limp on the floor the vicious claw marks vivid. He could have bitten him, and then he'd have given Sirius the same curse he had. How could he possibly do that to his friend? He wondered if he was awake and if he was angry. He wished he was, because he should be, but he knew he wasn't. Sirius would never be angry over something like this; he probably thought it made him heroic. He wouldn't realise how close he came to losing his life.

'There you are Moony. We went to go find you in class and my god you weren't there. I nearly had a heart attack,' James called entering the room with subtly like a whirlwind. Peter followed close behind. They had left Sirius alone. 'We won't be in the shack with you tonight.'

'I know,' Remus replied quietly, his voice horse.

'We'll be outside under the invisibility cloak ready to stop you if you try to get past the whomping willow.'

Remus wanted to tell them not to bother, that he couldn't risk hurting them too. But in all honesty what else could they do, he nearly got out last night and he knew it. If he killed someone, anyone, he was off to Azkaban for good, and he wouldn't object, he would deserve to go.

'Moony ol'chum, you'll be happy to know Padfoot is completely fine. Bored out of his mind and grumpy over Snivellus, but fine. '

'Good.' Remus didn't trust himself to speak anymore. Not to mention the utter agony his throat felt.

'You know it's as much as my fault as it is yours. I got drunk and couldn't help, but everyone is fine so no need to worry right? Actually it's even more my fault because you aren't yourself as a wolf. I was very much me as I drank that firewhiskey.'

Remus appreciated that James was trying to help and a large part of him was grateful for the effort and that his friends weren't turning on him. But they didn't understand, didn't they stop to think what life would be like without Sirius? Remus had. James would be broken; he would lose his wit and his humour. He would most likely quietly study and go through life the way an ordinary person with excitement on mute would. Peter would have no one to follow and so would float adrift, losing himself. Remus couldn't think what would happen to him if Sirius died. There would be nothing left inside of him. He would be a shell.

James clambered onto Remus's bed and lay next to him.

'Prongs what are you doing?' Remus asked.

'Napping,' James said.

'You have your own bed for that, and lessons to go to!' It was no use though, James was already mock snoring and Peter was lying in his own bed laughing. Despite himself Remus smiled. James smelt like coffee and jam and there was something so very comforting about being able to feel his warmth. Remus sighed. If Sirius was this close to him he would probably be embarrassed and blushing. He decided long ago it was because Sirius was close to perfection: handsome, funny, charming, playboy; it was all there and that's what made Remus nervous. James on the other hand was soothing, even with the fake snoring that sounded like he had inhaled a bumble bee. Though Remus was convinced James was still awake, and although Peter was genuinely asleep, he decided to speak.

'I nearly killed him James,' Remus whispered. James didn't say anything but he rolled over in his 'sleep' and threw an arm over Remus. Remus closed his eyes and just felt the moment. After a little while he also fell asleep.

* * *

Sirius was in hell. The only thing worse than being stuck in the hospital wing was being stuck in the hospital wing with Snivellus. The stupid git had stared at him for ages after the marauders had left. Sirius had yelled something about Snape being a pervert and that made him look elsewhere. Sirius had contemplated hexing him but his wand had been confiscated by Madame Pomfrey, probably in an attempt to make sure he stayed in the hospital wing. Just because he had snuck out once…maybe a dozen times before.

He wanted to go talk to Remus and instead he was stuck in this damn hospital wing across from Snivellus. Sirius had been so pissed at James for getting drunk over Lily when Remus had needed them, but as always Sirius couldn't stay mad at any of the marauders for very long, even if it had resulted in a trip to the hospital wing. Between the two of them James and Sirius had sent each other to the wing more times than could be counted, yet Remus would be beating himself up over it. He hoped James was helping him.

'Got attacked by a dog Black,' Snivellus stated.

'Yeah so what?' Sirius responded.

'A dog, on the grounds at Hogwarts?'

'We were walking near the forbidden forest, it leapt out at us.' Ok, even Sirius thought that sounded unbelievable. But tough, why was the little slime so interested in his injuries anyway.

Sirius had two options, one stay here and wait for Pomfrey, or he could sneak out without his wand. He could try annoying Snivellus, but he wasn't in the mood. Luckily Sirius had yet to be given those horrid hospital pyjamas, he suspected Pomfrey would spring those on him later. But he was topless. Then again it wasn't as if he hadn't wandered the halls without a top on before. No one would be surprised.

He got up throwing the quilt off him with a flourish James would have been fond of. It did hurt but he refused to let it show on his face.

'Where do you think you are going,' Snape asked.

'Out of here.' Sirius had a brief moment of wondering why Snape was in the hospital wing anyway, but it was quickly squashed under a layer of not giving a damn. So he flipped him off and strolled out of the wing whistling. He was torn between going to the kitchens first or to the tower to get a shirt. He decided on the kitchens, he'd missed breakfast and it was going to be a whole hour before lunch.

The tune he had stuck in his head was from some muggle band called the Sex Pistols. Remus tended to listen to them and it had somehow infected Sirius's brain. He bumped into a few people on the way, and none of them seemed surprised to find him with a bare chest. A couple of girls had giggled and nudged each other, he winked at them. He'd go back to that later. Food first, then chicks.

He loved the house elves here, so much nicer than that stupid one at home. That fanatic elf would be the death of him one day. They were always so eager to help him no matter how much he broke the rules. He reckoned it was because he was the only one who bothered to come visit them.

'Master Black,' one of the house elves squealed in shock, her name was Sparkles. 'You are not dressed!'

'I thought I would do the females of this school a favour,' he remarked with a grin.

'Sparkles does not understand,' she commented. 'Would Master Black like a shirt?'

'Actually yes, it is a bit nippy. Oh and can I have a sandwich,' Sirius thought. The house elf poofed a crisp white shirt into her hands and handed it to Sirius. Once he put on the shirt, she then proceeded to hand him a BLT and a cup of tea. Sparkles knew he adored the muggle drink, it was all Remus' fault.

'Oh Sparkles you are too good to me. If we weren't different species I would marry you. You wouldn't care if I slept around would you?'

'Master Black must do what Master Black wants,' Sparkles nodded. Sirius sighed, if only there was a witch who would make him sandwiches and let him sleep with other woman. It would be bliss.

'Sparkles, I order you to take the morning off. Go do something fun.' Sirius smiled when she looked confused for a moment. He pulled up a chair as the other house elves busied around him. God she made good sandwiches. When he got a place of his own he was going to barter with Dumbledore for Sparkles.

'What is fun, Sirius?'

'Fun is making Snivellus suffer for looking at Remus the wrong way, or sex,' he commented without thinking. Good food did that to him. 'Fun depends on the person. What do you enjoy doing?' Sirius tried.

'Serving Master Black.'

'Oh, well I can't fault you for that. It must be very gratifying.' He finished his tea. 'Ok my sweet Sparkles I must be going. I have taken my presence away from the girls of the castle too long and my dear Prongs will be missing me.'

As he emerged out of the kitchens McGonagall nearly barrelled into him.

'Black, aren't you supposed to be in the hospital wing?'

'Oh, you know me Minerva, can't be tied down. Well, that depends on who is doing the tying,' he winked at her. Rubbing her head with her hand she grabbed Sirius's shoulder. 'I didn't know you wanted me this badly. We need to keep our love a secret though.' She didn't say anything just kept dragging him. He was concerned she was going to take him back to the hospital wing when she dragged him up to the Gryffindor tower instead. 'Marching me to bed are we?'

She did actually march him into the boy's bedroom. Peter was asleep and James was snuggling Remus. He felt something unpleasant settle in his stomach at the sight.

'Detention,' she yelled and Peter fell out of bed.

'Oh hi, Padfoot,' James greeted lazily, rolling off Remus shamelessly. Remus had the grace to look embarrassed. But he refused to look at Sirius. 'Professor McGonagall, what are you doing here? Oh my god did Sirius finally win you over?'

'Don't be ridiculous. I wanted to talk to you four over what happened last night. Madam Pomfrey told Dumbledore who wanted me to talk to you all.'

They all sat up and Sirius went to go sit on his bed. Still unhappy James was on Remus'.

'We think its best we let Lupin run free, in the forbidden forest of course. This is the first time he has ever attacked one of you, and it's from his need for freedom. I, for some unknown reason, trust you three to make sure no one gets hurt.'

'I can go back to being there alone,' Remus said, his eyes focused on the ceiling.

'No. The damage you do to yourself while alone is unacceptable now that these three can help. Bumbling morons that you are, I know you won't let Lupin come under any harm.'

'But I…'

'Your werewolf needs freedom. Both Dumbledore and I are concerned about what will happen if we deny it much longer. I believe he will attempt to kill you all.'

'Then keep them from me!' Remus yelled and every person in the room was shocked.

'Don't be silly Lupin; they will be fine if you are all free. I'll let you have the rest of the day off. But no more skipping.' McGonagall left with a look that said even she was unconvinced.

'Got bored did you Padfoot?' James asked grinning; he climbed over Remus and went to his stuff.

'Snivellus was staring at me funny,' Sirius stated. 'I'm going to rest here.' He rolled over and turned his back to them. He wasn't sure why he felt so angry, he was fine after leaving the kitchens. In fact after a BLT and tea he had felt great, it didn't even matter his chest ached. Now he just felt tired and irritated.

'You still pissed about last night?' James asked.

'You should have known better,' Sirius mumbled. In truth he didn't give a damn about that anymore. But how could he say he just felt angry?

'If I put itching powder in Filch's draws like you asked will you forgive me?'

'I think that's more Moony's call, but it wouldn't hurt.' Actually Remus hadn't said anything since McGonagall had left. Sirius turned around to see James mug in front of his. Damn how could he ever stay mad at Prongs? Sirius grinned and sat up. 'Moony,' Sirius wailed. When he got no answer he tried again. But Moony was quiet.

'Oi, Wormtail, want a game of chess?' James asked Peter. Peter nodded happily and followed James out of the room. Sirius sighed, fixing Moony would be up to him.


	4. Chapter 4

Remus heard James and Peter leave. He was angry; when McGonagall had walked in he had hoped she was going to stop them. He had even thought she might have expelled him. He didn't want to leave this school, leave his friends, but maybe it would be better than subjecting them to his curse every month. He buried his face further into the pillow.

Sirius sighed behind him and it was a sound Remus was grateful to hear, he was so close to never hearing anything from him again. But Sirius had looked fine. That's what shocked Remus the most. He looked like nothing had happened, yet he knew from James he should have been staying overnight in the hospital. Was Sirius still in pain?

'Moony?' Sirius called again. He should probably answer him this time but he just couldn't manage to turn over to face him. 'Face me or I will hex you.' Remus was under no illusions Sirius would happily go for a hex, so this time he did roll over, well aware of how his eyes would be red. Sirius looked at him, his expression tight and his gorgeous smile nowhere to be seen.

'It wasn't your fault,' Sirius said calmly. 'You lose your mind in the transformation and your beast takes over.' Remus was about to object when Sirius held his hand up. 'I could have let you escape. I could have hid myself earlier. But I fought you.'

Remus thought for a moment. Straight after the transformation he couldn't remember anything, but if he tried afterward he could see moments, images and feelings. He remembered wanting to run free, he remembered he wanted to rip the dog to shreds for stopping him. And he remembered the dog transforming into wizard. Remembered that the wizard disappeared. He knew then that if Sirius had wanted to, he could have hidden himself before they started fighting.

'Why?' Remus whispered sitting up. Why would Sirius fight a werewolf who had no chance of escaping?

'Because,' Sirius took a deep breath. 'I didn't want you to be forced to hurt yourself again.' Again Remus took a while to process what Sirius had said. 'You need to forgive yourself for this one accident, because I am to blame for risking myself and James is to blame for getting drunk. But you? You did nothing, because you weren't even there.'

Remus couldn't breathe, he felt like a weight had been removed from his shoulders, but his chest squeezed tight. He couldn't think let alone speak. Sirius seemed okay with the silence, which was odd, as normally the wizard couldn't stand any sort of quiet or rest.

'Oh Moony.' Remus felt Sirius ruffle his hair. The thing squeezing his chest tightened further but he found he could breathe again. Something light filled his head. 'You are so very sensible but you are very foolish when it comes to yourself.'

'And you are just a fool all the time,' Remus grinned though it didn't quite reach his heart. Sirius smiled then and everything bad Remus had been feeling melted away. 'Does it hurt?'

'It twinges,' Sirius admitted. 'But it probably doesn't hurt as much as you do. So don't worry about it. Let's go join the others.'

Remus didn't want to rejoin the others. Remus wanted to stay here and look at Sirius and his gorgeous eyes. Shaking his head to dislodge the thought he smiled and then nodded. As he stood up his muscles screamed at him and he nearly fell to his knees. The only reason he didn't was because Sirius caught him. This close to Sirius he could feel his heart beating beneath his chest.

'Falling for me Moony?' Sirius joked. 'I don't blame you really.' Remus froze, holding his breath. Sirius kept laughing moving his arm around Remus to help up on to his feet. They made their way down to the common room. Remus couldn't think, the closeness to Sirius short-circuited his brain in the most perfect way. What he wouldn't give to stay this close to him forever.

James and Peter saw them approaching and turned to wave. Peter's cheeks were bright and rosy from the fire and he was grinning. There was something that about him that always reminded Remus of a small child. As much as Peter was irritating Remus was glad he had become a part of their group. When they had first started at Hogwarts both he and Remus had become a target by Slytherins. Remus from Snape and Peter from everyone else. James and Sirius took them under their wing and provided a shield. He often wondered at times at whether they regretted doing that. Did they ever feel like they were stuck with him? That they would have been better off having left him to Snape. _Oh Remus, you have been reading too much poetry._

Sirius placed Remus down in the armchair next to James. Sirius sat himself on the arm of the chair. Remus missed Sirius's presence but he focused his eyes on the chess game unfolding in front of him. James's bishop smashed through Peter's knight, the rubble scattering over the board.

'Oh, I gotta to go,' Sirius yelled suddenly.

'Date?' Peter asked hopefully. He was always more excited about Sirius's love life than Sirius himself.

'You know it,' he winked.

'Sirius, do you really think it's a good idea to be going out after…' Remus trailed off, not yet wanting to admit what had happened.

'Don't you worry Moony boy I am as fit as they come and I plan to show her just that.' James and Peter giggled. Remus just felt sick. He had never liked Sirius going on his dates before. He had assumed that was because he felt sorry for the girls and knew Sirius should be doing his homework. But he wasn't so sure anymore.

Sirius ruffled Remus' hair again before rushing off and his chest felt very heavy. James and Peter just continued on with their game none the wiser, which he knew could only be a good thing. They would probably stop speaking to him if they realised the stuff he imagined about their friend. As Peter's king lay scattered on the board Remus wondered if that wasn't his mind.

* * *

A few weeks after his injury Sirius was now on his fourth date with Rosie Johnson, a muggle born Hufflepuff with legs that went on forever. He'd be lying if her muggle born status was not part of her appeal. It was nice to wind up his family. He may have been blasted off the tapestry already but they still kept an eye on him. It was great sport to see his brother's face when he had someone who wasn't pureblood on his arm.

It was hard to 'court' anyone in Hogwarts; there really wasn't anywhere to take a person. Their first date had been the astronomy tower, mainly because Sirius didn't have the strength with a huge werewolf wound to do anything more than stare at stars. The second had been a stroll across the grounds, the third watching a quidditch game, Ravenclaw vs Slytherin, and now they were in Hogsmeade. He was sure she expected him to take her to Madam Puddifoot's tea shop, but Sirius had a lot of dates, and there was only so much a guy could take of that place in one lifetime. Instead he took her to 'The Three Broomsticks' where they could sit and have a butterbeer and maybe a fondle under the table if he was lucky.

Contrary to popular belief he didn't sleep with a girl on the first date, mainly because they said no, it was round about the fourth or fifth that he got lucky. He also didn't dump them immediately after, even if that's what they proclaimed. He waited till they got annoying, which was around the seventh or eighth date and the whole process lasted a month generally. The only reason this one had taken so long for the fourth date was James's issues with Lily. Sirius had gotten so distracted trying to help out his best friend that all thoughts about his relationship had gone straight out of the window.

He took her to the table in the corner and pulled out a chair for her. Let no one say he was no gentlemen. She took her seat. He didn't ask for her order as he very much doubted she would want anything other than butterbeer. The pub was fairly busy, but he got served instantly. One flash of his eyes and a quick smile and two butterbeers were in his hand.

He placed the tankards on the table and took his own seat. She smoothed a strand of sandy coloured hair behind her ear. Truth be told the colour reminded him of a certain werewolf. But he pushed that odd thought out of his head. Though the pushing didn't do very much good as Remus walked in with a girl on his arm. She was small, with wavy sable hair. She had a Ravenclaw scarf on; they must have met in the library, doing something weird, like homework. But what was she doing with Remus? He never had girlfriends, his dates were with schoolwork and books. They walked over to the bar together, laughing. Sirius frowned.

'Sirius!' his attention snapped back to the girl across from him.

'Yeah?'

'Were you even listening to what I was saying?' she asked, her eyes smouldering. What was it with woman and that question? Sirius reckoned if they had to ask they knew the answer. Why put them through this torture?

'Yeah sure I was. Who's that?' He asked indicating the girl now sitting across from Remus. Remus had faced away from them so maybe he hadn't seen Sirius or maybe he was ignoring him. Either way Sirius did not like this situation at all.

'Hm?' Rosie turned in her seat to have a look. 'Rowan Hoffman. Ravenclaw, so naturally is pretentious and arrogant.' Sirius turned from his stare to look at Rosie. He hadn't expected the nice Hufflepuff girl to sound so catty. But the look in her eyes said everything. She thought he was after Rowan. He looked back at the girl, she was pretty enough, definitely doable, but she was after Remus, something was wrong.

'She's with my friend. I didn't know they were dating,' he said in an effort of ground control. He didn't know if Rosie bought it or not because his eyes were fixed on Rowan. She appeared sweet, but she did have a haughty look around her. Maybe Rosie wasn't being nasty, Ravenclaws did tend to be supercilious. But then, Remus must have said something, because Rowan's face erupted in a huge grin. Her green eyes sparkled and she looked beautiful. He bet they were laughing over library times or something.

'Sirius!' Rosie shouted again.

'What?' he whined, he only wanted to see what was going on with his friend. She was about to speak when another voice bellowed.

'PADFOOT!' and then a heavy weight smashed into the side of him. He just managed to move his butterbeer out of harm's way. James was practically sat on his knee.

'Prongs?'

'Have you seen this? Moony is on a date! The natural course of the universe has been thrown off balance,' James remarked. Sirius noticed Lily was standing behind him. They must have been on their second date. Lily had caved a couple of days ago and said she would go on a date with him if afterward he would stop singing at her. Turns out James did something right for once and she agreed to go on a second date with him. She stood with one hand on her hip in mock annoyance, but Sirius had a sneaky feeling she found the situation a little bit charming. Well, more charming than Rosie did which wasn't that hard. The girl looked like she was going to explode at any moment.

'We may crash into Mars from this,' Sirius added. James put on his fake puppy dog eyes and Sirius patted him on the head.

'Why does it shock you both so much Remus is on a date?' Lily argued. Sirius thought about it for a moment. It was obviously because he wasn't used to seeing it. But then why didn't he like it? He looked at Rosie's angry expression, and decided it was because he didn't want to see his friend hurt. Someone always ended up getting hurt in relationships, he should know, he did most of the hurting, but Remus was too vulnerable and cute for that. The poor boy had nearly raided the school's stocks of wolfsbane just for getting less than seventy percent on the last potions exam.

'It's unnatural,' James mumbled.

'Leave him be,' Lily warned. 'Rowan is really nice.'

Sirius didn't like that Rowan was nice. It was easier to dislike someone who was nasty and arrogant. He saw her lean across and kiss Remus on the cheek and Sirius nearly fell out of his chair, the only reason he didn't was because of the great lump of James.

'Way to go, Moony!' He yelled. Remus turned to them; he looked shocked at first and then gave a small wave before turning back to Rowan, probably to explain Prongs to her. He was suddenly angry. With Remus and Prongs, even Rowan. Oh he hated Rowan, coming in and messing up the perfect system they head going. What the hell did she think she was doing? Remus wasn't to be messed with. Remus was his.

He grabbed Rosie's hand.

'Come on. Let's get out of here,' he said pulling her toward the exit. He didn't say anything to James or Remus on the way out; he didn't even look in Remus's direction. Stupid girls. First Lily came in and screwed up James and now Remus was taken from him.

'Where are we going?' Rosie asked as they left. Sirius looked up and down the main street. The ground was covered in autumn leaves and the air bit quietly at the edge of his skin. They couldn't stay outside it was too cold. But he was angry and he was going to work out that anger.

'Let's go back. I know a place real quiet,' he said and smiled the way he knew would make her putty in his hands. It was too easy.

'Alright,' she said quietly, already forgetting the anger she had moments before leaving. He kept his hand in hers the way back to the castle. But her hand felt too small and too soft. As the wind blew across them he realised she also smelt too sweet, like fruit and flowers. It was a lovely smell, but it wasn't right. None of this was. But he was going to make it right.

The castle was obviously quieter but not so much to make it look odd they were walking around the corridors.

'Black!' Oh god not him. Anyone but him.

'Snivellus,' Sirius replied.

'Why were you in the hospital wing?'

'I wasn't.'

'At the beginning of the month.'

'Oh, did my presence really mean that much to you?'

Rosie looked between the two of them, 'Sirius can we get going?' She was as eager as he was, that was fantastic.

'Attacked by a dog.'

'I don't believe you. I will find out what you four are up to.'

'Go wash yourself you slimy git,' Sirius snarled. Snape smiled and walked away. Rosie didn't look any different which was good. His interactions with Snape tended to turn off most of the girls. So maybe he did bully the boy a bit, but he would do the same back if the situation was reversed and he had dared go after Remus first. Anyone going after someone as sweet and timid as Remus deserved everything they got.

He smiled at Rosie though he didn't mean it. He pulled her along towards the room of requirement. He desired one thing and one thing alone from the room. A bed. He almost threw her into the room, but thankfully his anger didn't have that much of a grip from him. The double bed was a four poster and that was definitely a good thing. He grabbed her head and smashed their lips together.

But the anger and pain didn't stop and throughout the entire time the only thing he could think about was Remus.


	5. Chapter 5

Rowan was one of those girls who everyone dismissed because she wasn't out right beautiful. Yet when the light caught her just right or when she smiled, she was simply stunning. Remus was blessed that she was interested in him. Like James had jokingly asked, they had met in the library, and she actually found him attractive and interesting. You know instead of boring and tedious like some of the people around him.

And so what if his dreams were filled with Sirius and things Sirius would never do. Like kissing him, and other stuff teenage boys tended to dream about. Rowan liked him. That was real, not a fantasy. But, no matter how much he told himself that he had Rowan and he had to think of her, that she was the one he should be dreaming of, he still saw Sirius as he closed his eyes.

Sighing Remus closed his book. It floated into the air and off to the section it came from. He put out the light and for a moment sat in silence and pretended he wasn't as fucked up as he apparently was. He noticed a student with a candle in the far corner of the room, Snape, and he was staring at him.

It was mildly disconcerting to say the least. Almost like he had something crawling under his skin. Shivering he stood up and grabbed his parchments and ran out of the library. Unfortunately he was looking over his shoulder the entire way and crashed straight into Rosie Johnson. They both landed ungracefully on their asses with equally ungraceful noises. He faced her, intent on giving an apology, but he stopped. Her cheeks where a bright pink, her lips red and swollen. Her sandy hair was a tousled mess. Remus felt his chest squeeze and he couldn't move. He just sat on the floor staring at her. She looked at him expectantly for an uncomfortable moment and then gave up. She picked up her stuff and hurried away mumbling to herself.

Remus couldn't get the image of her swollen lips out of his mind. He got to his feet and slowly dusted himself off. All his movements were lethargic and heavy. His chest was still tight, and he wasn't sure what to do to fix it. He could go see Rowan but she'd want to know what was wrong and there was no way he could explain the answer. He wasn't sure even he knew the answer.

He didn't want to go to find the others either. It was getting late, if he stayed out much longer he was going to get detention, and he never got detention alone. So he shuffled towards the common room struggling to breathe and unfog his head the entire way. He didn't even notice the journey he just walked keeping his head down so no one would recognise him. He snuck upstairs to their dormitory. He put his head around the door slowly, he wanted to make sure none of the marauders where inside. They weren't.

All the beds were made courtesy of the house elves. It would be a very likely scenario that only his bed would be made if it wasn't for them. He crouched before James's bed and rummaged through the chest. It was entirely disorganised and Remus twitched to tidy it. But the pain in his lungs over rode any desire to 'fix' James's things.

He grabbed what he wanted and got out a parchment and quill.

 _Prongs, sorry I needed to borrow your cloak. Moony._

He picked up the silky material and threw it over himself. He looked down at his body only long enough to make sure he was completely covered. It was always difficult moving while invisible if you watched what you were doing.

He walked forward and down in the common room, he made sure not to run into anyone. Even in a magic school people found it odd when invisible things hit them. The castle was nearly empty except for teachers and a few students getting told off by prefects and seeing as he couldn't find the other marauders he was sure they were in a secret passage doing something secret. He felt his chest tighten again. Too many times he found himself separate from the others. But he guessed they would just say it was him being in the library too much.

On his way out he snuck into the quidditch changing rooms and grabbed one of the spare brooms that were kept in the cupboard in the far corner. He wasn't really fussed on the model. He enjoyed flying but not the way Sirius and James did. To them it was all a sport, a time to prove you were better than everyone else, and they were. It was thrilling and challenging. But to him flying was a slow beautiful journey.

So he stepped out into the night and the air was bitter and stabbed at him. He sat on the broom and headed straight upward. The air rushed at him and it felt like slashes down his arms. It was relieving to feel the pain. It cleared his mind like headlights through fog.

He kept flying higher until he could barely see the ground. His lungs squeezed but this time from the altitude. He felt every breath as if a huge weight pressed against him. When he was so high he couldn't even see the ground anymore he stopped. He hovered in place and he screamed. There wasn't much air in his lungs so it wasn't that loud, but it tore out of him like glass. The second scream was almost a cry, though there weren't any tears. So he lay along the broom and struggled to breathe.

It wasn't until he started to get a headache from the lack of oxygen that he allowed himself to drift downward. It was a slow descent, his head was dizzy and he really didn't want to crash in the ground no matter how much everything seemed to suck.

As he got closer to the field he noticed a student standing there. Frowning he sped up to get a closer look. Sirius, and he was holding the map. Fuck, fuck and bugger. He wished he had never helped make that bloody thing.

He considered just ignoring him, after all the map did not show altitude. But he would be really angry later and that would just be irritating. So he hit the ground and took off the cloak, letting it reveal his identity. Sirius didn't even flinch.

But he did frown at him.

'You nicked off with James's cloak,' Sirius stated.

'Yeah,' Remus replied. Sirius's eyes narrowed at him and he looked down to see that he was coated in a thin veil of frost. He guessed it was colder up there than he had thought it was.

'Why? You hate flying?' Sirius asked.

'I hate playing quidditch, there is a monumental difference,' Remus corrected. Sirius raised an eyebrow at him.

'So what's with the sky high routine?' Sirius asked.

'I wanted some fresh air.'

'A prefect like you breaking the rules,' Sirius quirked.

'I do it all the time with you guys.'

'But never on your own. We're the instigators. So what the hell is wrong with you?' Sirius asked.

'It's not important,' Remus said. 'I was stressed with about some homework and needed to clear my mind.' So yeah it wasn't the truth completely but Sirius's face relaxed slightly, and Remus knew he'd bought it.

'You take your studies too seriously. I worry about you sometimes,' Sirius remarked.

'You have the capacity to worry?' Remus asked.

'On special occasions and only for you Moony,' he said with a big grin. Remus felt something inside himself melt and his skin heated up so much he felt the frost would melt. 'And I honestly do not know why. I am mad at you.'

'What why?' Remus asked. He hadn't done anything recently to bother Sirius, unless of course he had wanted the cloak for a prank.

'You made me yell at Rosie, and I was pretty sure our relationship wasn't going to go off for another two weeks. That's a lot of quality sexing time my friend.' Remus winced.

'How did I do that?'

'Well. She told me you had ran into her and didn't apologise. She said you were really horrible and rude. And I said there must have been more to it than that. Then she accused me of calling her a liar. So I corrected her by saying she was just a bad judge of character. And then she stormed off.'

'Oh,' was all Remus managed to say. He was upset she thought that way about him, but there was a small part of him that thought that was best thing that had happened all day.

'And you went off with the cloak and I thought that meant,' Sirius stopped. 'Well I don't know what it meant but I knew it didn't add up to something good.'

'Yeah I'm sorry. My mind was elsewhere,' Remus trailed off. He didn't know how to explain that one.

'Anything to do with Snape following you?' he asked. Remus's head snapped up. Snape had been following him, not just staring at him in the library.

'What? The map?'

'He suspects something about that night,' Sirius said uncharacteristically sombre. 'We need to do something.'

'No we don't. Leave him alone. If he finds out he finds out,' Remus said. Sirius looked like he was about to object but closed his mouth. Sirius took off his cloak and fastened it around Remus. It realised then he had been shivering. He wanted to refuse it but instead he just held onto the warm fabric that smelt like Sirius.

'Alright Moony, let's head back in before you become a permanent icicle,' Sirius said. He put his hand on Remus's back and pushed him forwards. Remus moved the invisibility cloak so it was over them both and they headed quietly back in side.

* * *

Sirius wasn't convinced. He let Remus think he was because Sirius wasn't good at this talky malarkey and he had no idea what to say to make Remus tell him what was wrong. Sirius could believe his studies were stressing him out, but when that happened he didn't clear his head, he filled it up further, in the library not on a broom. The last time he had gone floating on a broom it had been just after they had discovered he was a werewolf. So something else was bothering him. And it wasn't about Snape because he didn't seem the least bit concerned about that .

He was going to consult Prongs on this. They journeyed through the castle in silence which was fine he didn't have much more to say. He was also worried if he opened his mouth that he would tell Remus they should run away together because then there would be nobody to find out if he was a werewolf. He wouldn't get expelled or thrown in azkaban or hunted.

He hadn't told Remus but he had done research, lots of research. It had given him a headache he didn't know how Remus managed all that studying. But he did it anyway, and people hunt werewolves. They don't see the wizards they are, only a monster who needs to be put down. They shoot them in the heart with a silver bullet, and then they decapitate them, and then burn them. Because they believed werewolves were the undead and they might come back so they had to make sure the entire body was destroyed.

That wasn't even counting the human hunters. Human hunters had religious freaks who believed werewolves were sent from the devil and they tortured them. They used silver knives to cut along bits of there skin and silver handcuffs, they tortured them to make them confess their sins. And despite knowing silver had no effect on werewolves it made him sick. So no, no one could ever find out about Remus, because if the worst happened…No the worst was never going to happen.

They hurried to their dormitory and still Sirius didn't say anything as they lay down. Instead he stared at the map in his hands. Happy to see Snillvelus safely away in the Slytherin tower.

'Night Moony,' he finally said once Remus was changed and under the covers.

'Night,' Remus mumbled. Sirius kept staring at the map at all their secret passage ways. Like the one behind the humpback witch, they had had to find that when his parents refused to sign his permission slip. There was no way they were letting him roam free when he insisted on hanging out with mudbloods and blood traitors. Ridiculous really.

Soon he heard Remus's light snore. He picked up his shoe and threw it at James. He sat up in his and looked around bewildered.

'Prongs my loveable comrade. Come to the common room we need to talk,' Sirius called already heading there himself.

No one was in the common room thankfully but the fire was still blazing. He would be concerned about the place catching on fire but he was pretty sure there was a magic charm over the flames.

'Alright Padfoot, what is so important you felt the need to wake me up in the middle of the night,' James said as he reached the common room wearing slippers and a robe.

'Snivellus is following Remus and he is asking questions,' Sirius snarled.

'I know.'

'You know!'

'Well I didn't know he had been following him, but Lily said he's been asking her a lot of questions about him. He's getting real suspicious.'

'We need to do something about this James,' Sirius said.

'Do we? What's the worst that can happen?' James asked.

'Someone finds out who wants to kill him that's what. This is Remus we are talking about, he wouldn't hurt anyone and yet there are hundreds of people out there who will kill him for something he can't control. If Snape finds out and tells everyone he could die.'

'Alright ok,' James said his hands up as if to calm Sirius. But there wasn't any calming him. He could feel the anger in his veins like a poison.

'We stop Snape now. We make it clear to him not to mess with Remus,' Sirius said.

'But how?'

'We'll humiliate him. Make sure everyone thinks his word is just a pitiful shot at revenge. Just in case. We'll need a code word for when it's the best time.'

'Like what.'

'I'll say I'm bored.'

James nodded. Sirius put out his hand and James shook it. They had a deal. No one was going to mess with their Remus. No one.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been deliberately messing around with the timeline of things. But what I didn't do deliberately was having Dumbledore and Mcgonagall knowing about them being animagi. I only realised they didn't last week when I decided to re-read the first four Harry Potter books. So apologies.

Severus walked down the hallway in a manner that could only possibly be described as skulking, but he really didn't want to be noticed. Lily wasn't listening to his warnings about Lupin and he was started to get nervous. He hated Potter and he absolutely detested Black. They were disgusting bullies who were only concerned with popularity and jokes. It made him sick that anybody could be as shallow as them. But there was something more going on with Lupin.

He knew he had disliked them long before their shallow big headedness had kicked in but that didn't make a difference in his mind. The first week of Hogwarts had seen his fellow Slytherins insult him for being half blood as well as others insult him for his nose. Then he had spotted Lupin who looked shabby and clueless and he found himself snapping. He wanted someone else to feel the misery he had felt all week. The remarks had spilled from his mouth before he had enough time to think. Unfortunately, small and weedy Lupin had been sorted into Gryffindor and two things both Potter and Black believed in was loyalty and solidarity. They hadn't even spoken more than a few words to Lupin themselves but he was Gryffindor and that was enough. From that point on he was their enemy and that was fine with him.

He knew that if he stopped trying to hex Potter, then they would (eventually) grow bored at the one sided fighting and would leave him alone. But he couldn't, as every time he saw Potter he saw everything that disgusted him in people, and everything he wished he had. Even if he was the only one hexing Potter, he would continue hexing him just to prove to him that not everyone loved him.

What wasn't ok was was Lily going on dates with that damn Potter. How could she sink so low? Severus was disgusted and he had told her as much. That hadn't really gone down well. She had said she had noticed something recently in 'James' that made her question their hatred for him. He didn't know what that meant and he didn't care, all he knew was Potter wasn't good enough for Lily and that Lupin was hiding something dangerous. What if it had something to do with the Dark Lord? He needed to find out what it was before it could hurt Lily. He couldn't let anything happen to her.

Lily was actually more suspicious of Snape reading books on the Dark Arts than she was of Lupin. She didn't understand that the Dark Arts were fascinating, and one needed to know ones enemy didn't they? He wouldn't tell her about his own spell he had created using information gained from those books, or that he was going to use that spell on Potter if he got the chance. And if it wasn't for the indiscriminate killing he wouldn't think the Dark Lord was all that wrong.

So he skulked, attempting to find where Lupin was. Instead he noticed Pettigrew sitting on the bottom of some stairs, which thankfully weren't moving. Everyone else thought it strangely odd that cool boys like Potter and Black would even take an interest in the pudding shaped Pettigrew. But Severus knew it was their hero type egos that did it. They thought themselves marvellous for being so kind hearted and taken that poor boy under their wings, and they loved that he worshipped them.

They didn't realise though that Pettigrew's worship came from something in his psychology that meant he followed wherever the power was. He was inept at so many things that he put himself with people who where the best so that his own life would never realise his failings. As soon as someone more powerful came along he saw Pettigrew swapping his heroes instantly. Potter and Black didn't, they were so full of themselves they didn't believe anyone could possibly be better than them.

'Pettigrew,' Severus called out.

'Snivellus,' Pettigrew retorted but it didn't have nearly the same insulting quality as when Black delivered it.

'Where are your idiot classmates? Aren't you normally with them?' Severus asked. He was pretty sure he had never seen Pettigrew without one of the other four.

'They all have dates,' Pettigrew sniffed. 'They've never all had dates before. Even Moo-Remus has one.' Severus had followed Lupin around enough to realise that they all called Remus Moony, but what was now suddenly very interesting was why Peter thought that he should omit informing him of that.

'That's selfish of them,' Severus tried. But it sounded strange even to him.

'I want a date so I can go with them,' Pettigrew spoke again. It was an abomination, an entire insult to the human condition that Pettigrew existed. Severus wondered briefly whether he should just hex Pettigrew and be done with it when he noticed the Daily Prophet on the boy's lap. The morning article had detailed on how the so-called death eaters had murdered muggle-born Emily Thornton. She had been a witch working at St Mungo's and the dark mark was predominant in the photo of the house.

'Nasty isn't it,' he inclined his head to the paper.

'Huh? Oh yeah the murder, I guess,' Pettigrew said. But the conviction wasn't in Pettigrew's eyes and it made Severus shiver. 'He's impressive.'

'Impressive?' Severus replied suddenly uncomfortable. 'The Dark Lord is a skilled wizard there is no denying, but no one who murders for the sake of it is impressive Pettigrew.'

Pettigrew looked like he was about to say something but didn't.

'So what does Lupin think of the wizarding war?' Severus tried. He wondered if Pettigrew's blasé attitude to murder was something his heroes had influenced in him.

'Hates it. He gets all sad when he reads the prophet and Sirius frowns. Sirius says we need to do something about it. But James reminds him Dumbledore says we aren't allowed. Not until we're all of age. So Sirius frowns more and Remus tries to smile. It's all heavy and I don't like it and I don't understand why they care so much.'

Well that was more than he expected to get out of Pettigrew and he didn't even seem to realise it. But that was ok, either Lupin was a supremely good actor or whatever was going on with him wasn't related to the Dark Lord. However, it had still nearly ripped Black to shreds. Deciding he had learnt as much as he was going to from Pettigrew he went back to skulking toward the library only to realise half way down the hall he had forgot to tell Pettigrew goodbye.

* * *

Rowan sat across from Remus at the library table, head down as she wrote frantically on parchment. Her dark hair spilled over the page like the ink she was using and it was altogether a rather lovely image. She was writing an essay for charms and that made Remus smile at the passion in which her quill worked. She was fiercely determined to be brilliant at every subject and it showed on parchment. It was the practical side of exams that let her down. The polar opposite to Sirius.

Remus cursed, why could he not have one solitary thought about his girlfriend without having his Sirius Black enter his mind. He looked down at his own parchment to realise he had written A patronus charm is useful in defence of a Sirius Black's kiss. Bugger. He let his head hit off the table and then groaned at the pain that shot through his brain. He lay his head flat against the parchment willing the world to swallow him whole.

'Remy are you alright?' She asked in a voice that wouldn't have been entirely out of place amongst the upper class.

'Yeah,' he said but it came out muffled against the table. The parchment was cold against his face but he sat up.

'Why is Sirius Black's kiss written on your face?' Rowan asked confused.

'Because I was thinking of how he still owes me five galleons and I wrote it in my essay instead of what I was going to,' he answered almost truthfully. It was getting kind of scary how easily he was finding it to lie to Rowan. But it did honestly suck that he now had Sirius Black's kiss on his face. So he rubbed at his cheek with the sleeve of his robe. He was vigorous in his attempts which resulted in a fierce burning sensation when he stopped. Rowan had gone back to her essay.

Something heavy barrelled into the back of him

'Merlin's balls!' Remus yelled in shock. They were lucky they were in the far corner or Madam Pince would've given them all detention.

'I'm bored,' Sirius said draping himself over Remus. Rowan scowled at him but went back to her work.

'Of course you're bored, you have the attention span of a flobberworm,' Remus replied still trying to get his heart rate back to normal.

'Do they even have attention spans?' Sirius asked. 'Anyway Prongs won't prank with me, he's gone all soft now. _Lily doesn't like it when we do silly things, Lily doesn't like this, Lily doesn't like that._ '

'How is it my problem? I have work,' Remus said trying desperately like the prefect he was.

'Sirius Black's kiss?' Sirius grabbed his face to get a closer look and his heart sped right back up again. Stupid anti-smudging ink. Sirius looked down at the parchment. 'Is it? I don't think it would be. Then again no one has ever tried to defend one of my kisses.'

'I wrote it down wro –'

'Please come prank with me. We can set off fireworks in Slytherin's common room. Or dungbombs, but that's a bit predictable. –'

'Sirius.'

'Oh I know, we can put a regurgitation charm on the slytherin's toilets,' Sirius finished grinning. Rowan looked from her essay scowling again.

'Sirius I'm a prefect you know I can't. In fact I really should be stopping you,' Remus said gently.

'Stop me? What are you going to do?' Sirius pouted.

'I could tell –'

'You wouldn't,' Sirius said shocked. Remus tried to subtly indicate with his eyes Rowan sitting with them. Sirius's eyes widened.

'You'd betray the marauders!' Sirius exclaimed. 'I call you before the tribunal.'

'What tribunal?' Remus asked. Sirius grabbed him by the back of his robes and yanked him off the chair. He quickly grabbed his bag.

'The marauder tribunal.' Sirius said pulling him out of the library. Remus noticed Rowan's relieved expression as she went back to her essay. Well at least someone was getting work done today. Sirius marched them outside. The weather was cold but still students were outside. James was playing with a snitch under a tree while staring at Lily. Peter was clapping and staring in awe. It was all typical.

'I call a marauder tribunal' Sirius yelled.

'What are you on about Padfoot?' James asked. Remus just sighed.

'Remus threatened to turn me in on a prank just because his girlfriend was listening,' Sirius said as if it was the most heinous crime in the world.

'Is that all?' James replied. 'I would have done the same if it was Lily.'

'You are all traitorous,' Sirius said and sat down in a huff. Remus also sat down and got his book out of his bag. He hated to admit it but Sirius in a mood was certainly an attractive thing. It suited his dark features and reminded Remus of an injured wolf. If you went near him you were going to get bitten.

James kept playing with the snitch he had nicked. Remus didn't know why, James was Captain, but he played as a chaser, it made no sense for him to be playing with a snitch. He did it anyway. James had calmed down a lot over the last year or so. He had stopped hexing as many people and Remus had no doubt that was because of him trying to please Lily. But he seemed to be getting less arrogant, or at least had better control of his arrogance.

'Put that away,' Sirius snarled. James did. 'Oh look over there.'

Remus was hoping Sirius wouldn't have noticed that Snape had appeared. He had followed them out of the library.

'I'm bored,' Sirius said. 'Oi Snivellus!'

Remus noticed James take one longing look in Lily's direction before getting up and hurrying after Sirius. This was so not going to end well. He looked down intently at his book but the words blurred into each other. His head snapped up when he heard the gasps and giggles. Lily had come over and had started shouting at James. There went that relationship. Snape moved to hex James and drew blood, no surprise there, Snape's hexes always attempted to draw blood. James may have hexed anyone who annoyed him in the hallways, but it was always things like dancing legs or bat bogies or tentacles for hair. Nothing permanent and nothing dangerous.

So of course James returned the hex and upside down Snape went. Which was unnecessary, he really didn't want to see Snape's draws. No one did. He was going to have nightmares. And that's when the unthinkable happened. Snape called Lily a Mudblood. James looked livid and so did Lily. She yelled some stuff back that Remus didn't quite catch sitting by the tree. Sirius was still occupied with Snape, he was whispering something to him and Remus had suddenly no doubt as to why James and Sirius had just done what they had done.

Shaking his head at their idiocy he headed off to the common room. He wasn't going to stand and watch as they abused Snape in his honour. Plus, Snape had been Lily's best friend.

He was right. Lily was sat by the fire. Tears in her eyes.

'Ah Lily,' he said walking toward her.

'Go away Lupin,' she snapped.

'I came to see if you were ok' he asked sitting in the chair opposite her. The fire tickled the edges of his skin.

'No I'm not. Your stupid friends ruined everything. I can't believe I thought Potter had grown up, he's just as bad as he always was.'

'And Snape?' Remus asked.

'I can't believe he,' she took a deep breath as if trying not to cry. 'If he can believe that then anyone can.'

'I don't think he meant it you know.' Remus said, 'I think he was humiliated and wanted to lash out and it was the only thing he could think of at the time. I'm not excusing what he said, just that I don't believe he meant it.'

Lily tried to smile at Remus but it wasn't all there.

'And James and Sirius aren't all that bad. The only time people seem to laugh these days is when they are messing around.'

'Oh so-'

'No they are mischievous, and like that they can get away with it. I'm just saying it's not necessarily a bad thing.'

'Remus, I'm muggle born and I can't hide in Hogwarts forever,' she said sadly. 'Severus calling me mudblood just shows how many people are now starting to believe in this pure blood mania. I didn't ask to be born a witch. Why do so many people want to kill so many others for something they can't even help?'

'It's a question I ask myself all the time,' Remus said.

'But you're half blood? Aren't you?' Lily asked confused.

'Yes but that's not what I was referring to.'

'Wha-?'

'It doesn't matter. But you are worth so much more than some of the pure bloods I know. And no I don't mean Sirius or James. Though Sirius's family are quite atrocious. Hold your head up and walk tall Lily.'

'Thank you Remus,' Lily smiled. 'Listen, its Slughorn's party tonight. Would you like to be my partner for it?'

'I don't know James-'

'Will be fine. It's just a party that I would love some company for. Please?' She asked. Remus nodded. After all it's not as if he was ever going to get into one of those elusive parties on his own talent.


	7. Chapter 7

Sirius was at the far end of the Gryffindor breakfast table. James was at the other end with Peter, and Remus sat in the middle looking like he was contemplating drowning himself in his cereal. It served him right. He had broken them as far as Sirius was concerned. No matter how many times Remus repeated they went as friends, James just wouldn't listen. Sirius wasn't sure why he was so angry, he blamed it on the fact that he was eating his toast alone but he knew he was angry before then, at just the moment Remus and Lily got back and Remus was smiling. Before he had had a chance to realise the reason he should be angry was James.

Funnily enough it seemed Rowan didn't care very much about the Lily thing at all. In fact he knew they had a date later, Ravenclaws were odd beans. Lily was near Remus on the table but she was wise enough not to sit directly across from him and ruin this situation further. She was even more pissed at James than she ever had been. To her, he was being ridiculous and hurting poor Remus.

Sirius took a deliberate bite of his toast but he couldn't taste the jam. It was like ash in his mouth. He tried his tea and then wanted to throw it at the second year Hufflepuff who walked past because tea was Remus' thing.

'Sirius!' came a shrill voice.

'Go away.'

'But we have a date later,' Rosie said.

'Yeah later, go now, I have a headache,' he replied.

'Ok, see you then.'

Sirius realised at that moment he hadn't actually broken up with her and it was certainly due, she was starting to get clingy. When the whispering around him started he didn't pay much attention. Not until a shadow fell over him and then silence. Looking up he saw his brother standing there. Well wasn't this turning out to be fantastic day.

'What do you want?' Sirius asked.

Regulus didn't say anything he just placed a letter on the table in front of him.

 _Regulus,_

 _Terrible news. My brother, your Uncle Alphard passed away last night. We need you to come home as soon as possible so we can read the will and sort out funeral arrangements._

 _Mother._

A huge weight fell into Sirius' stomach and he struggled to breathe. Alphard was one of the few family members he could tolerate. He was still full of pure-blood nonsense but he didn't believe in hurting anyone for it which was a novel concept.

'Why?' he asked. His mother had deliberately not sent him a letter and he wanted to curse her for it, but why had his mother loving, death eater wannabe of a brother let him know. Regulus shrugged.

'Let's go.'

Sirius got up from the table and felt suspiciously like he was moving through jelly. They walked out of the dining hall together and for once Sirius didn't notice the constant eyes on him or the terrified glances from his marauders.

They went straight to Dumbledore's office, the only one with a fire attached to the Floo network. He seemed to be expecting them which was a relief, he didn't fancy talking right now. He told them they could have as much time as they needed. Sirius nodded but he very much doubted he would spending all that long in the Black household. The green flames surrounded him and he felt nothing in his body from the trip, none of the normal symptoms, he was numb from head to toe. It was only when his mother started screaming did his mind really awake.

'WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!' she bellowed. Walburga Black was, Sirius had decided in his childhood days, his own personal hell.

'He was my uncle,' Sirius replied as if that answered everything. She shook her head and turned to Regulus the golden son, and for the first time since he could remember, shouted at him.

'Why did you tell him? Why did you bring him? That filthy blood traitor into this house?' She yelled.

'Leave off him _mother_ I stole the letter off him, he tried to hide it,' Sirius said in a nonchalant way. His brother was well on his way to becoming a death eater, he knew that. And Sirius was on his way to fighting them. He understood one day he might be fighting his brother and he would be trying to kill him. But 'til then he did him a favour and it needed repaying. They never used to be this separate. When the were younger he used to look out for his little brother, but then Sirius became more ostracised and Regulus became more pure-blood.

'You, you are not welcome here,' she said her grey eyes narrowing on him. She was, unfortunately, a very handsome and fearsome woman. But her soul made her ugly and Sirius turned his head in disgust and sat himself on one of the regal sofas.

'He was my uncle, I'm here for his funeral,' Sirius replied.

'You. He was my brother, if you're thinking about money, you will not get a sickle.' She sneered.

'I do not want his money and I only want to pay respects, you callous windbag,' he answered. She turned red at the moment and Sirius grinned and it was the grin he normally saved for Snivellus.

'You are disgusting. I can't believe...' she trailed off because other family members came in at that point. All of them avoided him, which was perfectly fine with him.

'What is he doing here?' his father asked his mother. But she didn't answer him, they both just glared in his general direction.

'Ok the will,' said a small, smartly dressed goblin. Everyone shut up. 'I, Alphard Black, hereby leave everything to my nephew Sirius Black the third. The funds are to be transferred immediately upon my death in the hopes that while he can't find happiness within this family he may find it elsewhere.'

Walburga launched herself at the goblin, her husband only just managing to hold her back.

'I am sorry you disliked it, but it is done,' the goblin bowed and left through the Floo. Sirius felt numb again. His uncle had been as rich as all Blacks that hadn't been disinherited were. So Sirius now had money, he could stop borrowing money from Remus and James and he didn't have to freeload from the Potter's either.

'You,' his mother rounded on him. 'What did you do? I know you did something.'

'I didn't do anything _mother_ , except be nice to him, maybe that's where you went wrong.'

'You will not speak to your mother like that you ungrateful wretch,' his father bellowed and Sirius winced despite himself. His father left the room his wand raised and Sirius knew he was off to blast the name off the tapestry. Normally that was a treat reserved for his mother but she was very distraught.

'You will not be attending his funeral!' She screamed at him.

'What! You have no right!' He shouted causing the family members who had arrived for the reading to flee via Floo.

'I have every right. In fact there won't be a funeral to go to.'

'What! Just because he left me his money?'

'Yes, you are a filthy blood traitor. I should have drowned you when you were born. I wanted to you know. Refrigerator Mothers they called us but I was right.'

Sirius didn't know what to say that.

'The biggest regret of my life was that I didn't, that your father stopped me.

'And now my brother thinks you are worthy of his money, you are worthy of nothing.'

Sirius frowned, he normally fought back but he couldn't be bothered today and not after those words. So his mother had always hated him, he had once hoped that at least she loved him as a baby, but he guessed not. Right at the moment he didn't want the money he had been given, all he wanted was to have a mother like Mrs Potter. Alphard may not be getting a funeral but he would have a celebration, after all, he was now rich and that meant firewhisky.

He got into the fire.

'Fuck you mother, Diagon Alley,' he smiled and he would always remember his mother with that beautiful expression. He headed to Gringotts vault 711 and filled his pockets with as many galleons as he could handle. Following that he got it exchanged into muggle money which was thankfully a lot lighter seeing as it was paper, strange people muggles. He spent the afternoon wondering around London. He bought a flat near Soho which was great 'cause he loved Asian food and he bought himself a motorbike. He had always wanted one and it helped that it reiterated the 'fuck you' to his mother. It was a beautiful bike and it made his heart twitch that he was going to be able to ride it back to Hogwarts. But until then he was staying in his Soho flat, free from imposing on Potter's and filled with firewhiskey.

The flat was small, after all what did he want with some huge fancy real-estate? His bedroom and living room and kitchen were all one room, his bathroom a little cupboard. With his inheritance he could have bought something bigger and fancier but there wasn't really any point. The walls were cream and the carpet was beige that would be something he would have to change once he could do magic outside of school. In about three months precisely. He could curse his mother and wouldn't that be happy times.

He smiled to himself and took a swig out of the firewhiskey and laid himself down on the floor and stared at the ceiling. He could have sat on the tattered, and he suspected mouldy, sofa or lay on the creaky bed. He took more of whiskey.

So his friends were fighting, his uncle was dead and his mother had hated him since birth, if that wasn't drinking occasion he didn't know what was. The alcohol burned as he breathed it in but then that's what it was supposed to do, be good whiskey and burn, but he bet there was one whiskey that didn't, that didn't understand the difference between whiskey and vodka and thought they should be getting along. That one didn't burn, it was icy instead. But all the other whiskies would hate it because it wasn't burning and if Merlin be damned it should be.

He felt something wet at the corners of his eyes, that certainly hadn't happened in years, so he pretended it wasn't happening and kept drinking. Where was Remus anyway? Shouldn't he be telling him not to be drinking so much? It was never as fun without Remus to ignore. Sirius struggled to remember what had been so bad about them going to Slughorn's party together. They were, after all, just friends. Where the hell was Moony when you needed him? Probably in the library doing something sensible like reading and not in a Soho flat drinking. He could do with Prongs too, to be silly with. And Peter, mustn't forget Peter. He would be being sick in the toilet because he tried to keep up with him and James.

'Accio Moony,' Sirius yelled and brandished his third empty bottle like it was his wand. But there was just silence so he continued to drink and he thought about the poor whiskey who enjoyed spending time with vodka.

The door opened then and three blurry figures strode in.

'Nice place you got here Padfoot,' a voice very similar to Prongs called out.

'Dumbledore and Andromeda told us what happened, though they failed to mention the flat. We've been searching London for you all day mate.'

'Ah Moony, did you come because I summoned you?' he asked to the figures but they were still blurry so he wasn't sure which one was Moony.

'Was that what that tickling sensation was?'

'I imagine so,' Sirius replied.

'We should put him in bed,' Moony said.

'You wanting to take advantage of me my Mooooooooooony,' Sirius said.

'Yes we should,' Prongs added.

'But he looks comfy,' Peter said. He was comfy, though they could move him if they wanted. Provided they kept the room from spinning but it was already doing that so they appeared to be failing quite spectacularly.

'Have you been cr...' James started but stopped when he realised the implications.

'I hate her. I hate her so fucking much I use muggle swear words,' Sirius spoke.

Remus put one of Sirius's arms around his neck and Prongs took hold of the other, and they lifted him to the bed. 'She, she is evil, she, she drown me,' Sirius mumbled. Remus smelt nice, he was always smelling nice, so he held on to him and they fell on the bed.

'Alright you stay there and I'm going to go tell people he is alive and, er, well,' Prongs said leaving Sirius to snuggle into the warmth that was Moony. He was aware that Moony was squirming but he ignored it and held on like Moony was a rock and he was lost in the sea.

'You smell nice, Moony,' Sirius said.

'Er, thank you?' Remus said.

'You're warm and snuggly,' and to emphasize the point he snuggled a bit more.

'Does that mean you think I'm fat?' Remus said almost indignant.

'Course not, your wolfiness makes you all toned, I have to work at mine, but no, you are soft. Like you. Your Remusness means that lying on you is a soft comfy place, unlike my cold ugly mother, who coincidently, is a little tubby these days.'

'Oh.'

'You make things less sharp. They never matter as much when you're here. Don't ever leave me, Moony, ok?' Sirius didn't hear the reply because drunkenness took hold and fell promptly asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Light burned across Remus' closed eyes and he so didn't want to open them. There was a soft weight against his side, Sirius. In Sirius's drunken state he hadn't want to let go of Remus and who was he to disappoint his fellow marauder? James and Peter hadn't cared but that was because they thought everything about this situation was innocent. He supposed it was on Sirius' side.

He heard Sirius groan next to him and the sound vibrated against his body. Remus took in a sharp breath and held himself as still as possible.

'Oh god,' Sirius moaned. 'Who hexed me?'

'You hexed yourself mate,' James remarked. 'With the cunning use of firewhiskey.'

'Moony?' Sirius questioned, probably realising he was attached to another body. Remus could open his eyes and join in on the conversation but perhaps he would hear something interesting if he stayed asleep.

'Yes, you wouldn't let him go, something about him being comfy,' James said. There was a long silence in which Remus worried over whether his cheeks were blushing or not.

'He is, it's not very fair of him. Oh god Prongs there's dragons in my head, can you get me a cuppa?'

'No. There is nothing in this new flat of yours but you and firewhiskey and none of us are allowed to use magic.'

'Shop round the corner,' Sirius grumbled. 'Muggle money in my pants.'

'You're still wearing them,' James pointed out. Remus felt Sirius wiggle next to him, and decided it was about time he admitted to being awake before other parts of him admitted other things. He fluttered his eyes open in what he imagined was the way he usually woke up.

'Good morning,' he mumbled. James was standing at the bottom of the bed looking both tired and unimpressed.

'Sure it's a good morning for you, you got the bed,' James complained.

'And a cuddly Sirius teddy bear,' Sirius added. Remus had to actively attempt not to blush again. He tried to move out of his entanglement with Sirius.

'Stop moving it hurts,' Sirius complained. Remus sighed and once again accepted his uncomfortable fate. He wasn't sure if he loved or hated the situation and he swore there was someone in the clouds laughing at him right at that moment. 'Prongs, here.' Sirius wafted some notes in the direction of James who looked at them oddly.

'Paper?' James asked as he took the money into his hands.

'Muggle money,' Remus confirmed. A soft snore emitted from Peter on the floor.

'They really use paper? What value is paper?' James questioned.

'It's like an I.O.U,' Remus informed.

'Please just go. I need tea,' Sirius complained.

'Best get him some paracetamol while you're there, it's muggle medicine,' Remus suggested.

James nodded. He must have decided he didn't want to go to the shop alone because he gave Peter a kick in the side. He sat up and looked around confused.

'Come on Wormtail we are going foraging for tea and breakfast.'

'Why not ask the houselves?' he grumbled rubbing sleep from his watery eyes.

'Because we are in a muggle flat in London without the ability to use magic. So come on,' James hefted him to his feet. 'Be back in a pixie minute.'

As James and Peter left Remus suddenly felt very uncomfortable and very aware of Sirius's breath on his shoulder. He wondered how Sirius was feeling. His favourite uncle had died and his mother had said god knows what to him.

'You ok?' Remus asked.

'Dragons in my head,' Sirius mumbled.

'I mean –'

'I know what you mean,' Sirius said. His tone had become suddenly dark and for a moment Remus could fully see how powerful his friend was. He shivered involuntarily. Sirius slowly disentangled himself and sat up resting his head on his knees. 'I hate her.'

'I know,' Remus said, because he didn't know what else to say.

'She wanted to drown me when I was born, and she's refusing to give him a funeral because he left all his money to me.'

'Oh.'

'I know he probably wouldn't care either way. But I hate that she would be so callous, that it's my fault' Sirius grumbled into his knees. Remus felt his chest squeeze. 'I…' Sirius started but couldn't finish. 'Don't tell Prongs or Wormtail about this.'

'I won't,' Remus admitted but couldn't see why. Surely they would only care? But maybe that was the problem. 'And it's not your fault you know.'

'You know sometimes. Sometimes I wish I could hate muggles and muggle-borns like they do,' he took a deep breath. 'I want to see them the way my family does, even though I know it's wrong, because then I would be one of them.'

'But you can't.'

'Because then I would be one of them,' Sirius finished. He kept his head buried in his knees. Remus reached out tentatively, his fingers shaking as he placed them on Sirius' shoulder. Sirius lifted his head to look at him, his dark grey eyes shining. Remus was pulled toward him, captivated by those eyes. For a single moment he completely understood all of Sirius' pain and it made him want to be sick.

They stayed like that, longer than they should have and they probably would have stayed there longer if James and Peter hadn't arrived back at that moment.

'I see you managed to move. Did Remus finally get fed up of being your cushion?' James asked. Remus couldn't think never mind speak. His mind was up in the air like a tornado.

'Complaining of pins and needles the big girl's blouse that he is,' Sirius whined and then turned to wink at Remus. Remus offered a small smile in response. 'Tea now.'

James sighed dramatically but went about it anyway. Remus smiled. He was glad, if nothing else this horrific situation had made them all remember there were things more important than who Lily took to a party, as friends or otherwise. James had always known they were only friends but it had never made much of a difference because she still hadn't chosen him.

'Oh your girlfriend's all worried about you.' James informed.

'Huh?'

'The hufflepuff,' Peter helped happily, and didn't at all think it was inappropriate Sirius couldn't keep track.

'Didn't I break up with her?' Sirius asked.

'No, no you didn't,' James confirmed. 'In fact I think she was rather miserable you didn't see her before running off home. Poor deluded thing.' The flat had thankfully come with a kettle so the conversation was momentarily paused as it hissed angrily.

'My uncle had died, why would I go talk to her?' Sirius asked. Though Remus could understand it, part of him hadn't liked the idea of Sirius running off to deal with it by himself without talking to them first either.

'Well you should probably dump her,' James stated as he poured the hot water into kettle. The steam billowed up from the mugs. James was right, Sirius didn't really care about Rosie at all and Remus ignored that little slither of happiness that had appeared inside of him. He was moving on. He was moving on with Rowan. Even if that look in Sirius's eyes had made him want to wrap his around him and hold on to him until he believed someone loved him exactly as he was. The problem was Sirius just wouldn't accept that from him.

Once James had finished sorting out the mugs of tea him and Peter brought them over to the bed and they sat in the four corners.

'What do you want to do?' James asked Sirius.

'We'll go back to Hogwarts today,' Sirius said. It didn't surprise anyone. 'Could do with being able to use magic again.'

'Why?' Peter asked. Sirius was quiet for a moment, taking a very deliberate sip of tea.

'I don't like not being able to use it. It's like not having a hand don't you think.'

'Mmm,' James agreed. Remus sighed, he didn't like the implications behind any of that. They were up to something.

'Leave off of Snape,' Remus said suddenly. 'I mean it. I don't want him finding about me anymore than you do. But this isn't the way to go about it. Prongs you're lucky you didn't completely ruin your chances with Lily.'

Sirius was about to object but thankfully James' obsessive love won over Sirius' obsessive hate.

'I think I have. She won't look at me,' James grumbled.

'She's just mad. I was thinking,' Remus said quietly. 'What if I told her?'

'Are you mad?' Sirius yelped. 'She's best friends with Snivellus.'

'I trust her. I think she'd know not to tell him, and it would mean she'd know why Prongs did all that.'

'I appreciate it Moony, but I won't put you on the line, if we're meant to be it'll sort itself out.'

'Prongs has swallowed a romance novel,' Sirius grumbled. Remus nodded but couldn't help feel James' love was doomed. 'How are we getting back to Hogwarts anyway?'

'Portkey,' James smiled happily. 'Donated by one Professor Dumbledore.'

'Excellent,' Sirius smiled. 'When's it go off?'

'Every day at midday,' he said. 'So oh, in an hour if we want to go back today. Oh and he said you could have the rest of the week off even if you returned.'

'Great, plenty of time to go put that regurgitation charm on the toilets in honour of Alphard.' Remus groaned and Peter looked suddenly very happy. For all his knowing this would end in detention at least Sirius was acting slightly more like himself. He wasn't going to remind him of what night it was. He wasn't going to remind any of them. They were all tired and Sirius needed them right now more than he did. That was only conformed by them going back to Hogwarts.

They sat in silence as they finished their tea, Peter actually went back to sleep, which Remus had to say was quite impressive. Sirius just stared into his empty mug and James struggled for something to say.

James got out a sock from his pocket and laid it in the middle of the bed.

'Grab onto it. It's about time,' James said.

'A sock?' Sirius asked at the same time as he held onto the toe. James shoved Peter awake and he also grabbed hold. They waited. Then came the wrenching from the stomach. They landed on the floor of their dorm in a big and untidy heap.

'Oh god not good for hangover,' Sirius grumbled rolling on the floor like he was in agony.

Remus rolled his eyes. 'I er, better go tell someone we're back,' he said and headed out the dorm. The common room was empty which meant everyone would still be in lessons or in the library. Lunch would be soon. The hallways were just as bleak as the common room.

'Remus,' a voice called from behind him. He turned to see Rowan standing there a pile of books in her hands. 'Where have you been?'

'Oh sorry, Sirius' uncle died and we had to go see him.' Rowan frowned at him.

'Why did you? Surely that's a family matter,' she said.

'Well Sirius and his family don't get on. We had to go or he would have been left on his own.'

'You didn't mention anything,' she said.

'Well it all happened pretty fast,' that was a lie. Plus he could have sent an owl once he was there and she knew that as well as he did.

'You know Remus. I want to make this work, 'cause I really like you. But you need to decide if you do as well because I don't have time to waste,' she said and walked past him. He tried to work out just where that outburst had come from but he just couldn't place it. Women really were crazy. Shaking his head he went back to walking toward Dumbledore's office.

'Ah Lupin,' McGonagall announced coming down herself from his office. 'I take it you are all back.'

'Yes Professor,' he said.

'Excellent and all but Black will be returning to lessons this week.'

'Yes.'

'I'll tell Dumbledore, I think I left my quill up there anyway. Will Sirius be ok for the moon tonight?' she asked.

'I don't know,' Remus answered. Though he did know, Sirius would be there right alongside him without fail. That was just how Sirius was. Remus didn't know if he wanted Sirius there though. McGonagall nodded and turned on her heels to return to Dumbledore's office.

As she moved aware he saw a figure further down the corridor. It was unmistakable as he moved forward. Snape, and there was a gleam in his eye. His lip curled and Remus ran.

He didn't look back to see whether Snape was following he just kept going till he was back in the dorm. He closed the door behind him and lay against it.

'You're back!' Sirius called, 'Prongs and Wormtail have gone to pilfer us some food for lunch.'

Remus didn't answer. He stood there trying to focus on his breathing. He slid to the floor.

'Moony? What the hell happened to you? You like you just saw Filch naked.'

'Snape knows,' Remus looked up to Sirius. 'He knows I'm a werewolf.'

'How?'

'He overheard me and McGonagall, she only made a reference to the moon, but he knows, I saw it in his eyes.' Remus's skin was hot and clammy. He needed not to be like this in front of Sirius, Sirius who had just lost his uncle, but he couldn't move, he was struggling to breathe.

Sirius knelt in front of Remus and grabbed his face roughly.

'Don't worry. I'm going to sort this out.'

'Sirius,' Remus started.

'I will not let anyone hurt you. I won't let him hurt you.' Sirius pulled him into his arms and held him. Remus could feel Sirius' heart beat. Remus needed to say something, but he couldn't, he was shaking. He leant his head into Sirius' shoulder and clutched at his arms.

'I'll make this ok.'

Sirius got up and walked out.

It wasn't until Remus could finally breathe that he realised that he had sent Sirius after Snape with all the pent up rage of his family.


	9. Chapter 9

Sirius bee-lined for the Slytherin common room. He didn't know if Snape was going to be in there, but it seemed a good a place as any to start. His hands were already itching to lay it into that git. He didn't even think about his wand, just wanted to make hard contact with his fist on something that would make Snape scream. The memory of Remus's shaking form refused to leave his mind. How dare he scare Remus like that?

'Hey Sirius!' He didn't respond to the voice calling from behind him. He didn't have time for Rosie right now; she was lower than an ant in his list of what was important.

'Darling!' She yelled. He winced and kept moving, the corner was fast approaching. But before he could turn the corner she slammed into him.

'What the, you trying to kill me?' Sirius asked. He attempted to unpeel her arms from around his neck.

'You hadn't heard me so I thought I would surprise hug you,' she said, bright and cheery.

'No I heard you,' he said and kept walking. Unfortunately she was keeping up with him. 'Look there is something I need to take of right now and you can't follow.' He didn't add that it was because he didn't want any witnesses.

'Why not. Sirius you've hardly spent any time with me this week,' she pouted.

'That would be because my uncle died and I had to go visit my psycho family, and now Moony's in trouble.' Honesty was the best policy after all, and if it got her off his back quicker than all the better.

'I'm your girlfriend I can help,' she argued. Sirius sighed, now was not the time, but he needed to go find Snape.

'Not anymore. We're done.'

'What? But why?' she asked with her eyes wide. And there they went starting to well up, merlin's balls he hated when they did that. 'Because I wanted more time with you? It's fine honestly, you have all the space you need.'

'Don't say things you don't mean,' Sirius replied sharply. He took a deep breath, trying not to think of the time he was losing when Snape could not be in pain. 'You were awesome, really. But you want more than I do. Go find someone who'll give it to you.'

'But - '

'And leave me alone,' Sirius added and then ran. He was normally better at breaking up than that; good at the it's not you it's me. But Remus needed his help far more than she needed to be coddled and who the hell entered a relationship with him expecting a relationship anyway. The people he cared about could be counted on one hand and he liked it that way.

He'd snuck into the Slytherin common room enough times for pranks that the rest of journey went by without incident. He should've have nicked James' cloak but he was so angry he was pretty sure people would feel him coming invisible or not.

There was a small boy about to go into the tower. He was probably first or second year. Sirius grabbed the small boy by the back of his robe and pulled him up to face him.

'You know who I am?' Sirius asked.

'Yes,' the boy said shaking like a leaf and looking like he was about to wet his pants.

'Good. Go inside and find Snape. If he's in there tell him to get his pale pathetic arse out here, if he's not there come out and tell. Got it?'

The boy nodded.

'Oh and if no one comes out. As in, if you decide you're above such requests, there's a dungbomb with your face on it.'

Sirius didn't wait for a reply just shoved the boy toward the portrait. Sirius leaned against the wall as he waited. He folded his arms casually but his fists were formed.

'Black do you have some delusion this is the Wild West and this is some duel at sundown,' Snape mocked as he appeared out of the portrait. 'Of course you don't because if it was sundown, you'd be off making sure Remus doesn't kill anyone.'

Sirius shrugged, 'I don't know what you are on about Snivellus.'

'Yes you do or you wouldn't be here,' he replied. He grinned and oh how Sirius wanted to hit him.

'No, see I'm here, because I am fed up of the accusations you keep throwing Moony's way. Your problem's with me and James.'

'He is dangerous and I will find proof and have you all expelled.'

Sirius barked out a laugh at that, 'Yeah right, they'd expel us.'

'You arrogant idiot. You think everything's all about you, that the whole school worships you and you can get away with anything.'

'Well if the shoe fits,' Sirius replied. He couldn't argue with facts now could he?

'I will…' Snape started but stopped when Sirius moved off the wall.

'You'll what. There is nothing to your accusations you utter git, and if you don't back off of Moony I swear I will make you sorry and then I really might get expelled. But it would be fucking worth it.'

'Your muggle swearing means nothing to me.'

Sirius took a step closer and was pleased to see Snape took a step back. Good.

'Stay away from him,' Sirius said. He was about to turn away.

'You say there's no truth to it,' Snape replied. 'Fine then he won't be affected by the silver I've got to go in his tea.'

'What did you just say?' Sirius said stepping to lean over Snape as he backed up against the wall.

'You heard me.'

'Silver would poison any human and has no unique effect on werewolves you complete and utter moron.'

'Who said anything about werewolves?' Snape asked with a slimey grin on his face.

'You implied it with your talk of silver and that I should be with him at sundown,' Sirius answered. That had been close, but Snape had been too obvious before. 'You were willing to poison a wizard just to try and prove your sick fantasies.'

'He is dangerous and needs to be locked up.'

'There is nothing wrong with him!' Sirius yelled. Snape's eyes widened at the outburst but he quickly narrowed them again.

'He could hurt someone. So, where is it he changes, the dungeons, the forest?' Snape asked.

'What?' the question came out before Sirius could stop himself, like all that he was saying. He needed to calm down or he was going to give the came away. He had to breathe. He closed his eyes for a moment. 'Remus Lupin remains as he is at all times. Unless of course you are referring to his robes, and in that case you should be locked up for being a greasy pervert.'

'I'm creating a spell that'd make him transform in daylight, and you know I can.' Sirius didn't. He knew the weasel had made some of his own spells before. But could he do one of that magnitude? Maybe he could. Could Sirius risk him doing that to Remus?

'If you did…'

'Yes you'd make me pay. But it'd be too late and the whole school would know,' Snape answered.

'Fine. Go to the whomping willlow at sundown, press the knot and have a ball when you come face to face with a werewolf. I don't think it knows the two-step though.'

Snape grinned, 'Petrificus Totalus!' Shit. Sirius should have seen that coming. His limbs locked to his side. He teetered slightly and fell to the floor. This, this was bad. He had been sarcastic, sort of, he had wanted Snape to take it that way, sort of. Did he? A part of him would love to see Snape's moronic face as he saw Remus in wolf form. But Snape would have to be a complete tit to go after a werewolf. Worst case scenario, if Snape believed him, then he'd go tell Slughorn or someone who'd ultimately tell Dumbledore who'd smooth it all over. The most pressing concern currently was him being frozen outside of the Slytherin common room.

* * *

Remus rushed around the halls of Hogwarts in search of Sirius. He had run into ten students and one professor but he couldn't find him anywhere which was bloody typical of Sirius. Sundown was in an hour and he couldn't afford to keep wasting time. He ran back to the common room instead to find James and Peter by the fire.

'We were wondering where you'd gotten to Moony, it's getting close. Padfoot not with you?' James asked.

'No and you need to find him.'

'Why'

'Snape knows about me, and Sirius went after to him,' Remus explained. James got to his feet. 'I was shocked and I didn't think and now I can't find either of them but I have to go.'

'It's ok Remus I'll find him,' James said. 'Get yourself over to the shrieking shack.'

'Ok,' Remus replied. He didn't think it was ok, but he didn't have a choice. 'Make sure Sirius doesn't do something he'll regret.'

Though as he turned to leave he thought that was unlikely, Sirius didn't regret anything, even when he had been a class A dick, he merely shrugged it off and went on with life. But Remus didn't want him to do anything that might mess up his life, not for him. He didn't deserve it.

He left the Gryffindor common room and nearly crashed into Rosie. He really had to stop rushing into people, especially her. He bet Sirius and James never ran into people.

'Er, hi, sorry about last time,' he said. Then he noticed her eyes were red and puffy. 'What's wrong?'

'Is Sirius inside? I need to talk to him?' She asked, her voice sounded weak.

'No, I don't know where he is,' Remus answered honestly.

'He broke up with me,' she said. Well that explained the tears. Remus tried to ignore the little flutter of excitement in his stomach. It was messed up that he was happy over someone else's pain, it made him feel a bit sick.

'I'm sorry. He doesn't do long relationships,' Remus said and wondered why he was apologising for Sirius.

'But he does,' she insisted. She turned away from Remus as if she couldn't look at him.

'What?'

'You, Potter and Pettigrew. You are so tight knitted no-one else can get in.'

'That's not-'

'Yes it is! I talked to Rowan and she said the same thing!' she whirled back on him so fast she should've gotten whiplash.

'Did you also talk to Lily?' Remus asked. It sounded like he was accusing her but it was mainly because he believed she was the only one who may be on their side in this.

'No I haven't seen her today. But Rowan said you are always occupied by what they are up to, and hardly ever have time for her, you use her as a study partner more than anything else. And Sirius, I never got his mind, heart or soul.' Remus was really grateful she didn't decide to talk about the part of him she did have. Or had.

'Say that's true, why were you coming here to talk about it,' he asked.

'I thought maybe if I could make him see what he's doing then he'd…' she trailed off. Remus felt suddenly very sorry for her.

'Sirius knows, you think a wizard as smart as him wouldn't know exactly what he's doing. Are you sure you know what you are doing?' Remus asked.

'Of course I know what I'm doing, what a-'

'If you did maybe you realise you don't love Sirius.'

'How dare you.'

'I know you're angry and hurt, but deep down you know you don't.'

'I do-'

'What did you think when his uncle died? You told James you were upset Sirius hadn't come to you, but you didn't once ask how Sirius was.'

'That was-'

'It would have torn you apart inside if you loved him. You would've done anything to have made him feel better, even if that meant sitting with him in a rundown empty flat while he was drunk. You'd listen when he complained about his family and you'd wish you could take them from him and give him better. You'd want to scream at the woman who could dare say she wish'd she killed him. You'd want to hex his brother for turning his back on him. And you'd shut your mouth when he does stupid things like pranking because it makes him laugh and that's amazing. You'd let him bully Snape because he does it out of loyalty and this inherent need to fight dark arts. You'd look away when he sleeps around and hurts random witches, even though it chips away at your soul every time you see him go off for a date, or comes back from one and tells you how amazing she was. You'd do it all.' Remus stopped his rant.

'Oh my god,' she gasped. 'You love Sirius.'

'Certainly not,' he replied. 'It was hypothetical.'

'You do,' she insisted. She smiled like she had just solved one of Dumbledore's riddles.

'Do not.'

'Do too.'

'Do not,' Remus denied. 'He's one of my best friends.'

'So, people fall for their friends all the time. And you clearly have.'

'What does it matter anyway? I'm a guy and he is obviously straight,' he said indicating Rosie. 'So let's just keep this between us.'

'Ok, whatever. It means nothing to me what you feel. I better get going back to my common room anyway it's nearly sundown, just tell Sirius I stopped by.'

'Shit.' He didn't wait for her to say anything more he just started running. He needed to get to the shrieking shack fast. He didn't want to think of the ramifications of Rosie knowing his secret. He'd just have to hope she'd reckon he was too pathetic to be considered competition, and she was somewhat right. He cursed his rant. He just wanted to make her realise she wasn't really heartbroken in the hopes she'd feel a bit better. He'd just gotten carried away.

He'd hoped Sirius would be there by the time he'd gotten to the shrieking shack but he wasn't. None of them were. So he paced waiting for the transformation he hated.


	10. Chapter 10

Severus was beyond thrilled. Sirius thought he was an idiot, thought he would fall for the truth as a lie trick. For one Sirius had tried it on him before, that one time he had told him all the toilets but one were hexed. Snape reckoned Sirius was trying to get him into that toilet so deliberately went to another, and of course it was hexed. Sirius might have been clever at times but he was repetitive. He had also seen the four near the whopping willow on several occasions. Most of which involved either the morning after or the night before a full moon. He had known Remus was a werewolf, he only needed proof and it was going to be in his hands now.

'Severus!' he turned to Lily, it had been a while since she had spoken to him. To see her walking toward him again, it was like someone had removed a weight from inside his body. But the feeling returned as he noticed her frown. 'Leave Remus alone.'

'For Merlin's sake Lily open your eyes, he is a werewolf!' he snapped. 'Your defending a werewolf, a killer.'

'You're being ridiculous. You're letting your hatred of James and Sirius cloud your judgement.'

'Of course it's James and Sirius now,' he said. He turned away from her and continued in the direction he was going.

'Severus,' she called after him. 'Remus has done nothing to you.'

'He watched!' he shouted. 'He's a prefect, he could have done something! Just because I lashed out at him in first year I'm stuck with those two hexing me round every corridor.'

'I'm sorry Severus. But that doesn't make him a werewolf. For all he's done you wrong he is a good wizard and a good man. He doesn't deserve these accusations from you.'

'They're true Lily and I will prove it to you!'

Severus changed his mind then. He had been going to get Slughorn to come with him. But there was too much risk, what if he didn't come, what if Sirius really was being sarcastic. Then there was no way they would believe him again. No, he was going to do this alone now. Lily said something else but he was walking away too fast to hear it.

Outside was almost empty and he knew if a Professor caught him he'd be in trouble, but he was too excited to care. He almost ran to the willow. He pressed the knot just like Sirius had said and the tree and the branches stopped moving. So he had been telling the truth.

Severus crouched into the tunnel that appeared and hurried down inside. He heard noises from the other end but couldn't distinguish them into anything. He turned a corner and he noticed a door up ahead. He ran to it. As his hand reached the handle an arm wrapped around him and pulled him back. At the same time the door splintered open. The arm pulled him backward and the werewolf snarled, the saliva dripping over it's gums and onto the floor.

The wolf lunged but the arm that had grabbed him moved him behind, and he saw the back of Potter move in front of him. He had his wand out.

'Get out of here Snape,' Jame said. 'NOW!' The wolf lunged for him and he ran. He ran as fast as he thought possible out of the tunnel and into the grounds. As he fell onto the grass he realised something that made everything in his stomach threaten to come back out. Potter had saved him. And even worse, he had stayed behind to deal with the werewolf while Severus had turned coward and ran. No. He was not a coward, they were, they were the ones hiding a werewolf and he was going straight to Dumbledore.

He reached the office in hardly anytime, or at least he hadn't noticed the journey he'd taken, sheer determination clouding his senses. He hoped the password was the same since the last time he'd been here.

'Chocolate Frogs,' he said to the gargoyle. The stone creature raised it's eyebrow but turned to let Severus through. He ran up the stairs and into the office.

'Ah Severus, glad you could join us,' Dumbledore remarked. He was sitting behind his desk as expected. But lounging in that arrogant way of his in the chair facing it was Sirius Black. His face was a mess, bruised bloody and swollen, it was hard to see why anyone would think him handsome right now.

'Sir, I don't know what Black,' he spat the name, 'has told you but Lupin is a werewolf. I saw it for myself just now and he almost killed me. Black sent me there expecting me to get eaten.'

'Did not,' Sirius remarked. 'You were the one stupid enough to listen to me. One, who believes what their enemy tells them to do; two, surely you'd have thought it was a trap; and three why would you chose to go after a werewolf on your own, you should've gone to a Professor. I did not think you were so much of a moron you would go by yourself.'

'That's enough Sirius,' Dumbledore said. 'You shouldn't have said anything in the first place.' Sirius had the nerve to look guilty at that assessment.

'Wait, you knew,' Severus said. 'You knew about Lupin.'

'Of course I did, I am privy to many things as headmaster of this school, and I am well aware of Mr. Lupin's condition. It was I who planted the willow for him. Lupin is not now and will never be a danger to this school. As long as no-one knows about him.'

'They have a right to kno-'

'And Lupin has a right to an education,' Dumbledore interrupted. 'There has never once been an incident in this school regarding Lupin.'

'What about Black not so long ago.'

'Fuck you Sn'

'SIRIUS!' Dumbledore shouted.

'You will not use me as a reason to persecute Remus.'

'Too late, I was nearly killed just now and I am going to report it to the ministry.'

'Why you!'

'Sit down Sirius,' Dumbledore said. 'And why weren't you killed?'

'Because,' Severus struggled for the words, 'Potter saved me.'

'Where is he now?' Sirius asked.

'I don't know.'

'You left him there,' Sirius exclaimed he got up to leave.

'Sit down Sirius, Potter will have gotten out and is probably on his way to find you.'

'Remus is alone.'

'There's nothing to be done about it now. You'd be injured if you went to help him.'

'But he'll injure himself!' Sirius argued.

'Not as much as he would you. Maybe that will make you think twice next time,' Dumbledore answered. Sirius shrunk into his chair. 'Severus, I know you are angry. But Lupin has never hurt another student outside of his little group and there is certainly no danger of him biting anyone. If there ever was any danger I would change the arrangements. But what we have in place works. I ask you not to mention this to any other students.'

'But they -' Dumbledore held up his hand to stop him.

'If you were to become a werewolf, how would you feel to have everyone know, to be feared and not welcome anywhere despite your affliction only happening on the full moon. That is the only time he is dangerous. The rest he is just a normal student and I want you to keep treating him that way.'

'Yes Sir,' Severus bit out. As he left anger rolled under his skin, they had made a fool of him. The one thing that made him feel better was the state of Black's face and knowing he had caused that.

* * *

'Remus.' The voice was small and tentative, nothing like what Sirius should have sounded like. But Remus ignored it, he hurt all over. This was more than his usual post werewolf aches, though they were there: his bones aching and his head clogged. But his skin burned as if he had been rubbed down with sandpaper.

'Remus.' This time he felt a hand stroke his cheek. It moved over his arm. He was aware that he was naked, but there was a blanket over him, the rough threads scratching his skin. He tried to think of the night before, he remembered things had gone wrong. The others hadn't been here, Snape had.

'Snape,' he said though it was more air than voice.

'I'm so sorry Remus,' Sirius whispered.

'Did I ki-'

'No everyone's fine,' Sirius said. Remus still hadn't opened his eyes.

'Then why are you sorry?'

'I told him.' Remus opened his eyes and gasped. Sirius face was covered in bruises.

'What happened last night?' Remus asked.

'Can that not wait?' Sirius asked. 'You need to go to the hospital wing.' Remus looked down over himself and noticed the slashes along his body. His arm was bloody from were he had gnawed on it, the skin shredded. It had already started to heal and it wasn't bleeding anymore, so it could wait.

'No. What did you tell him? And who did that to you?'

'I went to go find Snape and he was threatening to poison you with silver.'

'But that won-'

'That's what I said. But the git just went on about how he would invent a spell to out you and I snapped and told him to press the knot. I didn't think he would take it seriously but he bloody hexed me didn't he, and I was stuck there outside the Slytherin common room. So they all gave me a good kicking. Snape headed here but Prongs rescued him, and we all ended up in Dumbledore's office. I wanted to come back here but they wouldn't let me. Said you would be worse than normal because of the greasy treat I tangled in your face.'

'So I tried to kill Severus,' Remus said slowly. 'I tried to kill a student. I'm going to be sent to Azkaban. Sirius?' he felt like he was drowning. 'How could you? Did Rosie tell you? Do you hate me this much?'

'Wait what?' Sirius asked. 'I don't hate you. I told you it was an accident I ran my mouth off. I didn't think he'd listen to me. Who does that? And who the fuck goes after a werewolf on their own. And you won't be sent to Azkaban Dumbledore made Snape swear he wouldn't tell anyone and I think Snape's too embarrassed about being saved by James to tell anyone anyway.'

Remus just sat there and absorbed what Sirius was trying to say. Everything Sirius was telling him wan't quite forming into comprehension. He wanted to be angry, but then he saw Sirius' busted up face, and imagined what Slytherin's would have done to a frozen Sirius and that seemed like punishment enough. Sirius was also looking at him with wide watery eyes as if he were in his dog form. It was hard to stay mad at those.

'What do you mean did Rosie tell me?' Sirius asked. 'Did Rosie tell me what? Why would it make me hate you? If anything you should be hating me.' He turned his head away at that point. He shifted himself so his back was to Remus. He took a deep breath.

'I'm angry at you,' Remus admitted. 'But I don't hate you.'

'You should. In that moment when he said he was going to out you and lock you up I wanted him to get attacked by you.'

'You said it was an accident.'

'It was. I swear on the marauders I didn't think he would. But I wanted him to. That he would try to do that to you,' Sirius fists were held together so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. 'I wanted him to get hurt. I didn't think about what it would do to you to attack someone like that I only wanted him to never think of hurting you again.'

'I still don't hate you Sirius. What you did was stupid, but you did it for me,' Remus said. 'I shouldn't have put you in that position.'

Sirius whirled around on the floor to face him. 'Don't ever say that,' he said. 'I mean it.' Remus was shocked by the sudden outburst.

'I screwed it up this time I know, but I will do anything to make sure no one hurts you.'

'It's what you've always done,' Remus replied. Because Sirius was fiercely loyal and Remus always seemed to need looking after. 'I would do the same you know.'

'Course I do. You let me treat you like a cushion for a night just because…' Sirius trailed off. 'Anyway what would Rosie tell me?'

'It doesn't matter.'

'It does if it would make me hate you, not that I think that's possible I might add.'

It was Remus's turn to look away. He looked over himself, all the blood. 'I was mean to her. Said she didn't really love you, and to get over herself.'

'Wow,' Sirius said. 'I'm impressed, didn't think you had it in you, not that I think what you said was so much mean as accurate. Let's get you to the hospital wing.'

Remus went to stand up but his limbs wouldn't listen, it was he was encased in syrup, 'Later.'

Sirius didn't blink he just stood up and picked Remus up in his arms. 'God you really need to eat more Remus, a pixie is heavier than you.'

Remus lay his head against Sirius's shoulder, 'You don't -'

'Stop that. It's my fault your in this mess,' Sirius said. 'Let's get you to the hospital wing.'


	11. Chapter 11

It was odd this having Remus in his arms stuff. It wasn't that he had never done it before, he had. Not just hugs either, Sirius was never shy of physical appreciation and he had thrown himself on his friends, lay on them, even kissed them when the mood took him. He'd also helped Remus back to Hogwarts on more occasions than he could count. But as he carried Remus weak and light in his arms something was different and he couldn't put his figure on it. Maybe it was the way Remus had his fist clench in the fabric of Sirius' shirt, or maybe it was the way he turned his face into his shoulder. But it was different.

'Common room,' Remus mumbled against his chest.

'What?'

'I don't want to go to the wing.'

'You need to be treated Remus,' Sirius said.

'You can do it.'

'James and Peter will be waiting for us.'

'I know.'

Sirius was about to argue some other sort of point but Remus looked up at him with pleading eyes and he nodded.

'Why would you want to be stuck alone with me after what I did?' Sirius asked changing directions.

'What were you thinking when you said it?'

'I just wanted to hurt him for ever thinking of hurting you.'

'Why?'

'Because you're Remus. How could anyone want to hurt you? I wouldn't be surprised if the whole school wants to hurt me, even James, Peter too when he gets annoying. But not you, never you.'

'But why do anything?'

'Because I want to protect you. I can't stand seeing you hurt,' Sirius admitted.

'See,' Remus said. 'You may be an incorrigible idiot, but how could I ever stay mad at anyone who would do so much for me.'

Remus closed his eyes again. Sirius carried him the rest of the way to the common room and lay him down on his bed. He looked Remus over, trying hard not to focus on how frail he was. He could fix the lacerations with a charm but he'd need a potion for the pain. He got his wand out from his sleeve and made his way one by one through every scratch and mark over Remus's skin. Even the tiny spelk he must have caught from sleeping on the floor. Remus just lay there, unmoving, as Sirius healed him with methodic precision. Sirius knew it would be painful for Remus, agony, as the cuts sizzled closed, but he didn't make a sound and it made Sirius' stomach clench as he put his Moony through so much agony.

The tension in the air relaxed when Sirius finished the last one, but Remus would still be in pain from the transformation.

'I need to go get a pain relief potion for you,' he said.

'One for you, your face,' Remus said. 'And conceal me. I can't face anyone.'

Sirius stood up and charmed the bed so that no one would notice the wizard lying on its covers.

'I'll be back as fast as I can,' he said. As he walked through the castle halls he realised he didn't feel like himself. He felt disgusting for hurting Remus, like he needed to scrub his skin raw, and that was before he even addressed the small part of him that was happy Remus wanted to be alone with him, that he was the one who got to take care of Remus in that state.

He was too lost in his thoughts about Remus that he walked straight into Rosie.

'Oh my god Sirius what happened to your face?'

'What? Oh right, run in with a troll, nasty business.'

She looked confused. 'Anyway, I want to talk to you-'

'Oh don't worry Remus already told me what he said to you.'

'That's not - he did?'

'Yeah.'

'And you're fine with that?' she asked.

'Well yeah, he was kinda right.'

'You share his feelings?'

'Yes.'

'Oh my god,' she said eyes widening. 'I turned Sirius Black gay.'

'You did what now?' Sirius asked. Bloody women, made no sense, ever.

'You're gay.'

'Am I?' He said. 'I have a lot of anecdotes that prove otherwise.'

'But you're in love with Lupin! You just said you shared his feelings.'

'Yes the ones were you don't actually love me. Wait, Remus is in love with me? That's not terribly bright of him. Why on earth if he was was in love me would he tell you?'

'He didn't mean to,' she said. 'He told me how much I didn't love you by showing how much he did.'

'Yes well we all love each other that doesn't -'

'Not like that. Whether you want to admit it or not Sirius, Lupin is head over heels for you.'

Was that true? Was Remus in love with him? What did he think about that and why was his stomach very light all of a sudden?

'I need to go,' Sirius said walking off. He realised he liked the idea of Remus being in love with him, but he always liked the idea of people in love with him. Yet somehow he didn't think it was the same thing this time. The term 'in love' to Sirius had always been a sort of idol worship and adoration which he expected and received from the majority of the school. What he had a feeling Rosie was referring to was something entirely different involving terrible songs, wet mouths and the ability to get your questionable heart smashed into such tiny pieces even a house elf couldn't find them.

But none of that was important, Rosie was barmy and was probably saying that to make him prove his masculinity or something stupid like that. Sirius had no desire for such things. Terms like homosexuality and heterosexuality were for muggles. Really uptight muggles. He'd only been with girls 'cause they had fantastic tits end of. But if the right bloke came along then maybe he could. An orgasm was an orgasm and love was love no matter what gender gave them to you. He didn't ask himself the question of whether Remus could be that bloke? That was a dangerous question, covered in mines that he just wasn't ready to navigate yet.

He gathered the potions he needed from the potions room and then headed back out the dungeon. He knew he needed to be careful, James and Peter couldn't see him. They'd be furious of course. But it was just all too much. It was a horrible feeling, feeling. Things came into his head and left with the speed in which they entered, nothing lingered or stuck around for tea. But now he couldn't seem to get Remus out of his head. The pain he'd caused him, was he in love with him? He just didn't have room for James and Peter also.

Remus was curled up in the foetal position when Sirius returned. He didn't know whether he was asleep or unconscious, either way he was shaking. Sirius forgot about all his thoughts on what Remus felt; he crawled into bed with Remus and pulled him onto his lap. He lifted him up by his shoulders and poured the potion into his mouth. Remus fisted Sirius's shirt but didn't opened his eyes as he swallowed the potion. When he finished he lay his head against Sirius' chest and Sirius held him there. Only briefly letting go to charm his own face back to normal.

He looked at the way the sandy strands of hair fell across Remus's eyes. The beautiful scar that ran across his nose. How perfect he looked sleeping, how right he felt in his arms. It was where Remus belonged. He had thought all these thoughts before, but he had never considered what it meant to think them. Sirius didn't think. He just did.

The door opened and James and Peter walked in. Sirius remained as still as he could.

'They bloody well aren't in here,' James said. 'Sirius what the hell are you playing at?'

'Maybe they are at the hospital wing now?' Peter asked.

'Dammit Padfoot you've gone too far this time,' James said.

'Calm down,' Lily said. Of course he'd brought her along. 'Maybe Remus wanted to go home?'

'What and he asked Sirius to escort him. The one who nearly got him to Kill Snape.'

'What about Sirius' flat?'

'It would be like him to run off there. You know, I never thought…'

'What?'

'I never thought he was a Black until last night,' he said. Sirius could feel his heart pulse in his throat as they talked, he hadn't realised it but he'd covered Remus' mouth to keep him quiet. He was shaking. A Black was he? Well yes he was and he'd have made them proud.

Remus moved Sirius' hand from his mouth.

'Sirius, don't-'

'Don't what?' He snapped. 'I'm a Black. No wonder I hurt you so bad.'

'He's just…' Remus said.

'Angry. And he has every right to be. I'm angry at me too. I think there's firewhiskey under my bed. Do you want a glass?'

'Yes,' Remus said. That shocked Sirius. 'Only don't move. You're comfy.' He was quiet as he said it and a faint line of blush spread across his cheeks. It might have been one of the most adorable sights Sirius had ever seen. After all, Remus wasn't the type for making demands, especially not of someone else's body. Except Sirius found himself wanting Remus to. Imagine…no that was bad thinking. He hadn't decided anything yet.

'Accio firewhiskey. I lied about the glass thing,' Sirius said as the bottle flew out from his bed to them.

'Bottle sharing it is,' Remus said. He took a swig and did this bizarre little shiver that made Sirius laugh.

'I forgot you did that,' Sirius said.

'I can't help it.'

'Why are you with Rowan?'

'Well I don't know if I am anymore,' he admitted.

'Really,' Sirius said taking the bottle back and taking a long drink.

'Well she told me I wasn't really in the relationship and I had to decide if I wanted to be and I haven't seen her since. But she was right and she knows that.'

'Why weren't you in it?'

'It's not important.'

'Do you know why I don't have relationships?'

'You a massive man-slut,' Remus said.

'Partly. But this world we live in is fucking crazy. Muggle-borns are being persecuted and half-bloods are terrified they're next. No one is willing to stand up against the Death-Eaters except us and not all of us will live you know. So why bother? If I'm going to die or they are going to die so soon. What is the point? Then the there's all the lies and secrets. Not to mention anyone who was with me would have to deal with my family. I couldn't do that to them, I still get howler's once a month of Bellatrix when she isn't too busy murdering people.'

'Don't you think they'd think it was worth it? Plus I know that if I only have a few years left I'd want to spend it with the one I love.'

'You're such a romantic,' Sirius said. He drank some more firewhiskey, a lot of firewhiskey.

'Hey stop hogging the drink.'

'I don't even know if I could do a relationship. I've never tried.'

'Where is this coming from?'

'I saw Rosie before. She told me all of what you said to her.'

'Oh god,' Remus jumped off Sirius faster than Sirius thought the wizard could move. The space he left was unbearably cold.

'Where you going?' Sirius asked.

'I'm sorry I…' Remus started. He started pacing the room.

'Well do you?' Sirius.

'Yes. I love you, you daft tit.'

'Charming,' Sirius commented.

'Aren't you supposed to be being freaked out right now?'

'Am I? Why'

'Because I'm a guy?'

'At times I'm not so sure, but physically yes you are a bloke.'

'You're always with woman.'

'They have great legs and tits, but that doesn't mean I've never considered other options.'

'What?'

'OK, this is what I know. I hate you being unhappy, I like you being near me, I like it when I'm touching you in someway. I hated Rowan because she was with you. I also think you are rather beautiful in a Moony sort of way.'

'What?'

Sirius stood up and moved to where Remus had stopped pacing. He placed his hands on either side of his face and kissed him. It was nothing like his kisses with girls, those had been soft and sweet and Remus was rough and hard. Sirius parted from him and smiled.

'This seems more and more like a better idea.'

'You aren't pitying me?'

Sirius rolled his eyes and grabbed Remus's hand and placed it on his crotch.

'I can lie about many things but I'm not that good. Alright?' Sirius said. Remus bit his lip and his eyes hooded as he looked down where his hand was. And didn't that make it all worse, or was it better? He kissed him again, because he just couldn't not. It was like his entire body wanted Remus.

Sirius had done many things with many woman, but no one had quite made him feel like he would suffocate without them. As Remus moaned into his mouth Sirius thought this was what it was supposed to be and why had it taken him so bloody long to realise Remus tasted so good, like fresh earth and wet nights.

'What do you want to do about the others?' Remus asked moving away. Sirius pouted.

'I want to push them off a cliff so they can't ever see you like this,' Sirius said.

'I'm not joking.'

'Neither was I,' Sirius. 'Can we kiss again?'

Remus frowned at him.

'Fine, I don't want them to know just yet, this is ours and I don't want to share.'

Remus nodded and smiled which was good because Sirius had a sudden thought that might not have been what he wanted to hear.

'But I'll need you to stop them lynching me when we decide to show ourselves.'

Sirius ran his finger's through Remus's hair. He loved his hair, like the colour of beaches, and so fine. He had a sudden urge to lick Remus's scars and so he did. Well the ones he could see, the others would be saved for later. Remus giggled, it was very unmanly and yet Sirius found he was giggling too. Remus looked him straight in the eyes and this time he leant to kiss him. It was soft at first, like he still wasn't sure whether all this was ok, so Sirius pulled Remus's hips against his and bit his lip.

'I really, really should have tried this sooner.'


	12. Chapter 12

Remus only just managed to get to his own bed when James opened the door to the dorm. Remus tried his best not to look guilty, like he hadn't just spent the last few hours making out with Sirius. Sirius sat on his own bed ready for the onslaught that was going to come from James. Truth be told Remus felt like he could do cartwheels he was so happy, and he knew that was wrong, shouldn't he be feeling guilty he almost killed Snape?

'Where the hell have you been?' James asked. Peter followed in behind him. Sirius looked to Remus, he was allowing him the choice of explanation.

'I wanted time alone,' Remus said. James looked like he was going to say something to him but stopped himself. He turned instead to Sirius.

'You,' James started.

'Don't,' Remus said. 'He didn't know what would happen.'

'How could you not think of what would happen to Remus?' James asked. Sirius looked down at the floor but didn't answer. 'Are you really capable of sending someone to their death?'

Sirius' head snapped up.

'I'm not a Black to them but I am to you,' he said. 'Funny how you all see me as what you hate.'

Sirius got up and walked out. Remus touched his fingers to his lips as they seemed to be burning. James sat on his bed and stared at Remus. Remus knew James wanted an explanation for why he had hid himself but Remus couldn't form the words. He was too busy thinking over what Sirius had said. _I'm not a Black to them…_ he had been so caught up in the Snape fiasco he had forgotten, only two days ago had Sirius' uncle died.

Sirius had just carried on with his helping Remus and then the conversation about relationships, it had whirlwinded around Remus so fast he had forgotten. Sirius was a master of deception especially when it came to how he was feeling. Remus had went along with it and wanted to kick himself. His family had all but burned him at the stake when he was there with them and here James was doing the same thing. But how could Remus tell him that when Sirius hadn't wanted anyone to know.

'I needed time with Sirius,' Remus said. 'I needed to forgive him.'

'Why?' snapped James.

'Because it was an accident and he did it for me. And his uncle has just died and people do silly things while grieving and when their friends are threatened. He took good care of me.'

'He's just so…'James said. 'No. This was too much.'

Remus knew he wouldn't get anywhere with James tonight. He was just as loyal as Sirius was and right now to him Sirius was the one threatening his friends, including himself and James certainly couldn't forgive that in a hurry. So Remus headed out in search of Sirius but he only got half way out of the portrait when he realised he had no idea where Sirius would be. He might not have even stayed in the school. He should've taken the map. He guessed he would check the kitchens first, if nothing else he could find that one house elf that Sirius always went on about and maybe she could help.

He passed the library and then paused. There was something he needed to do first. He stepped inside and sure enough Rowan was sat by a desk pouring her heart into an essay. He felt sad, he really did like Rowan, she was lovely and she was going to be a fantastic woman and witch.

'Rowan,' he said. She looked up at him and he didn't know what to say.

'I thought so,' she said. 'Who is it?'

'What?' he asked.

'I knew you were never all here Remus it's fine. I wasn't either,' she said and smiled. 'It was nice though. I'm glad we tried.'

'Me too,' Remus said and he meant it. She'd shown him the depth of his feeling's for Sirius, that it wasn't just some weird perversion that would go away if he ignored it. She'd given him more than she would probably ever realise. 'But I can't tell you.'

'Ah. I suspected that too.' Remus frowned, did she know? How could she? Was he that obvious?

'I don't know what you mean.'

'Yes of course,' she said. 'I hope Black is a colour that suits you.' Remus almost laughed, he hoped it was too.

'Can we still study from time to time?' Remus asked.

'If dog star's don't get jealous of other stars,' she replied.

'Thank you Rowan. You're amazing and I hope you find someone who can truly give you what you want.'

'Thank you Remus.'

Remus was glad for the amicable way it ended but he needed to find Sirius. He continued his way to the kitchens. Inside there was no sign of Sirius.

'Master Lupin,' an elf squeaked at him.

'Is Sparkles here?' he asked. In a flash a new house elf appeared and the other one walked off to continue whatever job they were working on.

'Master Lupin, you asked for me?' she said with eyes that fit her namesake.

'Yes has Sirius Black been here today?' he asked.

'No I have not seen Master Black in a while sir. He is angry with Sparkles?'

'No of course not, he's rather found of you in fact. I am just looking for him, do you know where he is?' he asked.

'I could find him,' she said. 'All us houselves have an ability to sense where our masters are, so we can appear when summoned.'

That was a terrifying thought.

'Would you? I am worried about him,' Remus added. Sparkles nodded and vanished. Remus was left sitting in the kitchen, the house elf from before looked at him. He placed a mug of tea in front of Remus.

'Oh excellent,' Remus said. 'Thank you very much.'

Just as Remus took a sip of his tea Sparkles popped back in. She looked, somehow, windswept and a little bewildered. Where the hell had Sirius been?

'Master Black is on his way back to Hogwarts,' she said.

'Where's he been?' he asked.

'The M1 he said it was,' she said.

'What? What's he doing on a motorway?'

'He was on this creature, with two wheels.'

'A motorbike!' Bloody hell what was Sirius up to? Had he finally snapped.

'He said he wanted to get his baby,' Sparkles said. 'It was very hard to hear him. He had to say it many times.'

'That's ok Sparkles, thank you for all your help. You are very special.'

'Thank you Master Lupin, you are very gracious.' Remus left the kitchens with his mug of tea in his hands. There wasn't really anything he could do with Sirius on a motorbike on the bloody M1, of all places. Sirius' obsession with those things had finally come into fruition. It was typical, Sirius got a fortune and with it he bought a run down flat and a motorbike.

But Sirius was angry and sad and that really didn't make him safe on that bike. Remus was in the quidditch changing rooms taking a broom before he'd actually made the decision in his mind. He mounted the broom and kicked off the ground. In his mind he held an image of Sirius in his mind and withdrew his wand. The spell he was going to perform wouldn't have worked with Sirius inside of the castle. After all the castle was designed to protect those within and one of the things to protect them from was discovery.

'Invenio,' Remus said. He held out his wand in front with of him with one hand on his broom. The wand began to pull him. Dragging him through the air. He held on tightly to the broom, if he let go for even a second the wand would pull him off. The wand ducked him in and around the trees of the forbidden forest too fast for him to see anything. More than a few times he thought it was going to crash him into a tree and a one time he got slapped by a branch. As he started to come out of the forest he realised he'd neither got the cloak or cast the disillusionment charm. He would be clearly visible to muggles. _Bugger_

Fighting against his wands desire to go forward he pulled his broom up to the sky. If he could get high enough he would look like a bird in the sky. His incline wasn't as steep as he would've liked, the wand still happily racing toward Sirius, but he got high up into the clouds. Relatively safe until his wand found Sirius and then the descent would be sharp and very visible. His only hope would be Sirius had sensed the spell and was waiting for him. Sirius would be able to cast the disillusionment charm as soon as he appeared. _Come on Padfoot, be as brilliant as I know you are._

The air rushed passed him in with an eager coldness that left him shivering. His eyes were watering and he could no long feel his hands. You better be alive when I find you. Remus couldn't see where the wand was taking him anymore, the clouds making it impossible for him to see the ground. He wasn't sure how long it was he'd been going through the clouds when his wand started pulling him down. There was a tight feeling in his stomach as he dropped. As soon as he broke the clouds he felt the sensation of something trickling down his back. Thank god, Sirius had cast the spell. He really didn't want to be pulled up in front of the Ministry of Magic for that.

The broom still hurtled downward. Remus closed his eyes he wasn't all convinced he would stop in time. Knowing the momentum would keep going even when the wand stopped he dropped it. Without the wand he was able to pull the broom up to slow the descent.

As he landed he got off the broom and sat on the ground. He realised he was on the hard shoulder of a motorway and being invisible a car may stop on him but he didn't care. Sweet sweet ground.

He finally looked around and noticed a frowning Sirius leaning against the barrier next to a motorbike. Well that was good. He was also holding Remus' wand. Remus got his feet though his legs were still shaking and walked to Sirius. Sirius looked in his direction, he must have noticed a shimmer in the air where Remus was.

'Finite,' Sirius said brandishing his own wand. Remus smiled as best he could, but he knew he looked a state. Shaking, watery eyes and windswept. Sirius laughed.

'Ah bless you Moony,' Sirius said. 'Your wand nearly stabbed me you know it was that enthusiastic.'

'Sorry,' Remus said. 'But honestly how else was I supposed to find you?'

'You weren't,' Sirius said. 'I wasn't running away. I was coming back.'

'I know,' Remus said. 'I wanted to talk to you.'

'That badly?' Sirius said.

'I'm sorry,' Remus said suddenly.

'What for?' Sirius asked.

'Forgetting about Alphard,' Remus replied. He didn't want to admit it but felt he couldn't not.

'Nothing to be sorry about. That's my problem. You had enough of your own and I was the one who caused them.'

'James didn't -'

'Yeah he did,' Sirius said. 'And I think he's right. I think I am capable.'

'You're not them.'

'Maybe. I'm not a pure blood fanatic. But I can be cruel, and Snivellus dying doesn't bother me like it should. It bothers me because of the pain I almost caused you. Maybe James knows that.'

Remus didn't know what to say, was that bad, should he condemn Sirius?

'Sometimes I don't see why the Auror's don't just kill the death eaters,' Sirius said. 'It would save lives, Auror lives, if they weren't spending so much time trying to incapacitate instead of killing they wouldn't get injured so easily. And I could do it I think. I could kill. Especially if it was a person threatening any of you guys. If someone hurt you Remus, really hurt you, I could kill them without blinking.'

Sirius stared off down the motorway watching the cars. Remus moved to stand in front of him. He took a deep breath to quell the part of him that wanted to hide in case this went wrong. He placed his hand on Sirius' face but Sirius didn't turn to face him, just kept staring at cars. Sirius' hair blew in the breeze the strands caressing Remus' hand. Sirius's eyes had never looked more like storm clouds than they did now and Remus had a sudden feeling that he was standing on the edge of cliff with him.

Remus grabbed Sirius' chin and pulled him to face him. Before Sirius had a chance to argue Remus kissed him. It wasn't tentative but it was soft. He wanted to convey something more than passion and libido to Sirius. Something he wasn't even sure Sirius had comprehension of. Behind them a car honked as it drove passed and someone wolf whistled. Remus didn't turn to look at the cars, he just stared into Sirius' eyes.

'Why?' Sirius asked. 'Why do you want me?' It was a question he never thought Sirius would ask, not the loud, charming, arrogant wizard that pranced about Hogwarts pranking everyone. He'd always said he was amazed they didn't queue up to go out with him, though to a certain extent they did.

'You've always said there isn't a reason not to go out with you,' Remus said.

'Yeah the me they see, they don't know me. You know me, why you want me?' he asked again. Remus sighed. He felt that if he told Sirius it would be liking laying all his cards on the table, and if Sirius didn't pick them up then he'd be empty handed. But he couldn't not either because this was Sirius with his cards on the table.

'I guess I should start with the obvious with how beautiful you are,' Remus said and Sirius snorted. 'Your intelligent, charming, loyal. You're always there every month with me.'

'So is James, you want to jump him too?' Remus felt the comment like a slap across the face but ignored it and carried on.

'I see that darkness in you,' Remus said. 'But I also see how you use it. To protect your friends, to protect me. To fight against dark wizards. How could I not love you for that?'

'Everyone else manages fine.'

'I'm not everyone,' Remus said. He realised that was true in more ways than one, no one else had ever seen Sirius like this and he had a feeling no one else would. Sirius would not mope in front of anyone and he certainly wouldn't admit how it hurt him to lose his family or how his own ruthlessness scared him. As soon as they were back at Hogwarts he knew Sirius would go straight back to how he always was.

Remus kissed Sirius again putting his hands in those beautiful black strands of hair. Sirius' hands were on Remus' waist and as they parted he lay his forehead against Remus'. Their eyes were closed but he knew Sirius was crying and it broke Remus' heart. He didn't know what to do anymore. So he just let Sirius cry while keeping his eyes closed his hands still in Sirius' hair.

'Let's go back to the castle,' Sirius said after a while. Remus looked up at him and he was void of tears though the rims of his eyes were pink. Remus nodded. 'Come on.'

Sirius got on his bike and patted the bit behind him, 'climb on.'

'Oh no no,' Remus said. 'I need to get this broom back.'

'No one will miss it. Come on I want to share this with you,' Sirius said and then smiled. Remus nodded because how could he say no to Sirius when he smiled? He climbed on to the back of the bike. 'Hold on tight.'

Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius' middle and held on as tight as he could. They sped off back to the castle.

* * *

Remus had officially lost his mind. He couldn't help singing to himself while walking down the hallways. Even first years stopped to give him weird looks never mind the students in his own year. But since they had gotten back from their motorbike ride last weak they had hardly separated and it made Remus all weird and giddy.

There was a niggling feeling that settled in the pit of Remus's stomach. He was doing his best to ignore it, but it persisted. It had started when Sirius had left him in the morning, there was a panic in him that reminded him Sirius was only experimenting. What was going to happen when Sirius decided he was bored of this new thing and wanted to go back to making his way through every girl in their year, and others.

Remus told himself to forget about it, whatever the outcome he should enjoy his time with Sirius while he still had it, but that was easier said than done. Remus had always been a worrier.

'Moony!' James yelled. He was walking arm in arm with Lily.

'Morning Prongs,' Remus said. He realised he had been staring at the toast in his hand. Giving up on the prospect of any actual morning consumption he dumped the thing back on his plate. They sat down next to him, James looking around him probably in search of Sirius. He wouldn't find him. Sirius had decided on a whim of diplomacy that he would go to the kitchens for breakfast so as not to make things uncomfortable. It had shocked Remus: first of all since when did Sirius like making things easy for anyone and secondly surely the diplomatic thing would be to talk things out with James.

It disturbed Remus that they still weren't talking. Over the years Remus had always been jealous of how James and Sirius just melded together, they had a friendship on a level people could only dream of that somehow always left him and Peter on the outside. And here it was in ruins and it was all over Remus. It made him feel sick.

'Will you talk to Sirius today?' Remus asked. He had asked it every day for the last week in the hopes the answer would change.

'Why should I?' James said.

'You know he didn't mean it,' Remus said. 'I've forgiven him.'

'You're too soft Moony. You shouldn't have forgiven him,' James argued. 'He's too reckless, he could've gotten you sent to Azkaban.'

'But Snape was threatening to out me. He only snapped because of how much he cared and it was the day after his Uncle had died.'

'He went too far.'

'He knows that. You don't know how much he hurts over what he did,' Remus said. He looked down at his half eaten toast. He couldn't really go into the details without betraying Sirius' trust.

James didn't answer. Lily looked uncomfortable. She had figured everything out in the mess of last week and she hadn't ran which was a testament as to how great she was. But Remus couldn't work out whether she was pro Sirius or not. She never had been before. He couldn't help but want her gone just so James would be bored enough to go back to Sirius. Because no matter how much he loved Sirius or how much fun they had in the room of requirement there was something very sad in Sirius and Remus knew it was because of James.

A flutter of giggles caught his attention and he saw his Sirius saunter in the room. So much for diplomacy. He walked over to Remus.

'I thought you…' Remus didn't know how to finish the sentence without giving the entire game away.

'I think I need some tutoring,' Sirius said. Remus coughed as he caught the glint in Sirius's eye.

'Do you now?' Remus asked trying not to grin.

'Yes desperately or I fear I may be expelled,' Sirius said. Remus was about to stand up to leave with him when the Owl Post arrived. A bright red envelope landed in front of Remus. For a brief and frightening moment he thought the howler was for him. But then he noticed on the front was scrawled James and Sirius. It had landed at him because he was in the middle.

'Erm…this is for both of you,' he said. He opened it for them before it exploded.

'You two are the most ridiculous pair of wizards to have ever walked the planet!' The letter screeched at them with the voice of Mrs. Potter. Everyone in the hall turned to look in their direction. 'You stupid, ignorant muppets. Get over yourselves. James, I raised you better than this, forgive your friend, he has only ever been by your side.'

James looked sheepish but the voice continued. 'Sirius apologise already and forgive whatever ridiculous thing my son has said this past week. He doesn't mean it. He's a hotheaded idiot like yourself. If you two don't sort this out I will come up to Hogwarts myself and hex you both till you see sense.'

The letter burst into flames and the ashes fell over Remus's toast.

'Remus?' Sirius said to him looking betrayed.

'Nope wasn't me,' he defended.

'It was me,' Lily said. 'I told Mrs. Potter.'

'Why?' James said.

'She is the only person I have ever known that you both listen to,' Lily said. Remus grinned at her. He wished he had thought of it. 'James just admit it already. You're miserable without him.'

'You are?' Sirius asked with unabashed glee in his eyes.

'You still went too far,' James said, but the frown was half-hearted.

'I know, but you fixed my mess. Thank you for that by the way.'

'Yes I did and your welcome. And I guess I would have done something similar if Snive…Snape was threatening one of you.'

'Prongs?' Sirius said.

'Padfoot.' James said. Then there was a dramatic hug that wouldn't have been out of place in a field of flowers and sunshine. Remus rolled his eyes, Mrs. Potter was right, they were utterly ridiculous. Sirius squished himself in between him and James so fast he was partially on Remus's lap before he had a chance to move. Remus was reminded of Sirius earlier question of a _study_ session, but that was apparently shot to hell. He put his head in his hand and wondered just why he had decided they should be friends again.

Sirius grinned from ear to ear as he recounted how the Slytherins had beaten him up with great embellishment and Remus felt his chest expand with warmth. Sirius was just so beautiful when he was happy, it was pure magic and it lit up the entire hall. It was like a hippogriff had their claws around Remus' heart and were squeezing with all their might.

'I still want that study session,' Sirius whispered in his ear. It was so close he could feel the heat from Sirius' breath and Remus felt it all the way to his toes. He was suddenly very aware of Sirius leg pressed against his and the way his hand fell over his knee under the table. Remus nodded because he didn't trust himself to speak.

'You look adorable when you blush,' Sirius continued his lips actually brushing Remus's ear.

'Stop that, you're incorrigible,' Remus hissed. 'You'll get us caught.'

He wouldn't, James was seemingly attempting to resuscitate Lily from her breakfast and Peter hadn't even gotten out of bed yet as far as Remus was aware. But that didn't stop the blushing that seemed to spread over his entire body.

'Stop what?' Sirius asked. Though he did stop whispering at his ear and turned his attention to breakfast but his hand still grasped Remus's leg. It was in fact moving upward.

Remus stood up so fast he knocked his plate over.

'Alright Remus?' James asked. 'What's the rush, forgot you got homework due or something.'

'Yes.' Remus answered and ran out of the hall. He stopped outside the doors to catch his breath. Sirius that moron. Remus had ended it with Rowan, but both her and Rosie, not to mention Snape spent all hall times staring at them. And if they found out, so would everyone else and Remus wasn't ready for everyone to know, he wanted to keep his relationship with Sirius just to themselves, away from eyes that could judge them. Sirius didn't think it mattered, but it would, wizards were sticklers for protocol just as much as muggles otherwise pure blood wouldn't be an issue now would it?

Remus needed a cold shower, a very cold shower if he was to manage the rest of the day without further embarrassment. But he barely got a few yards when a weight crashed into from behind. He didn't need to be a genius to work out who it was.

'You let without me,' Sirius complained.

'That's because if I stayed with you I would've jumped you and then where would we be.'

'In a very enjoyable place I'd wager. Fancy jumping me now.'

'Not in the corridor Sirius, what if a Professor came walking down?' Remus asked.

'Then we'd give them an education for a change,' Sirius winked. Remus wanted to complain some more but the smile on his face was already giving him away. He really was head over hells for the man, the only problem was, he wasn't sure Sirius felt the same.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this hasn't been updated in over 3 months, but my life has been very hectic but I will endeavor to be better at time management in the next year.

Sirius’ dreams were not happy ones. He heard his mother tell him in the back of his head she should’ve killed him. Heard her screeching obscenities at him. He saw a memory from when he nine. He had managed to sneak out of the house, he was quite proud of that. He ran and ran excited for them to catch him. But they took longer than he expected and he got bored.

There was a boy playing out in the street. He was on a weird thing, it was metal and had two wheels. Sirius had never seen anything like it. He moved his feet and the thing moved forward. He was just going in circles.

‘Hi!’ he called out to the muggle.

‘Hey,’ the boy replied and he stopped moving. The thing looked like it was going to tip over but he put his feet down to steady it. Sirius was in awe, it was a muggle broom. How did they manage it without magic?

‘What’s that you’re on?’ he asked.

‘It’s a bike, have you never seen one before?’ the boy said.

‘A bike?’ Sirius asked.

‘Yeah I really want a motorbike when I’m older,’ he said.

‘A motorbike?’

‘Like this but faster,’ he said grinning. ‘Do you want a try?’

’Yeah! My name’s Sirius by the way.’

‘Sirius, that’s an odd name. Mine’s Ralph. Here stand over it.’ Sirius didn’t bother defending his name, he was too excited about the metal toy. He stood over the bike and put his hands where he’d seen Ralph put them. He felt it was about balance, the way it was on a broom. But magic wouldn’t hold it in place.

‘If you pedal the bikes moves. Keep it straight to not fall off.’ Young Sirius nodded and he lifted his feet of the floor on to the pedals and it immediately fell over with him on it. For a moment he didn’t realise what had happened. One minute he was upright and then he was on the floor.

He could hear Ralph laughing so he started too. He didn’t know why but it was suddenly hilarious he was on the floor.

‘I’ll ride and you stand on the bits sticking out of the wheels,’ he said. Ralph pulled the bike off Sirius and stood over it. Sirius did as he was told and Ralph started moving his feet. It was exactly like a broom but closer to the ground. There was something about how Ralph powered the thing on his own, there was no magic, no tricks, it was all him.

‘Sirius Black!’ the scream he recognised as his mother’s and he nearly fell off the back of the bike it was so venomous. ‘What are you doing?’

He ran up to his mother, ‘that’s a bike and-‘

‘Is that a muggle?’ she sneered.

‘Yeah but he has this -‘

‘He is a muggle.’

‘He’s nice moth-‘ The slap across his face was so hard his vision went blurry, tears prickled around his eyes.

‘No son of mine will fraternise with muggles. Blacks do not go near muggles. And they certainly do not cry.’  
Sirius bit his lip to stop himself from sobbing. But he could not understand what was wrong. Ralph had been nice to him and the bike had been fun.

The dream changed and Sirius was sat at the Gryffindor table the second day of school and a howler arrived from his mother screaming about how much he disappointed her. Gryffindor’s were arrogant, obnoxious and foolish. It was ridiculous that a Black should be in Gryffindor.

The he was a teenager again, this time being held under the water by his mother who laughed as she drowned him.   
Sirius sat up in bed. His sheets were in disarray around him but the snores of his room mates helped settle his heart rate. He got out of his bed and moved over to Remus. He had a softer snore than the other boys, as gentle as his nature. Sirius climbed into Remus’s bed and shut the curtain behind him. Remus often shut his curtain especially after a fullmoon so none of the others would get suspicious.

Not that Sirius really cared at that moment. Remus made a murmur in his sleep as Sirius climbed over him.   
He got in the covers behind Remus. Sirius slept in just his boxers whereas Remus always wore a t-shirt. It was no deterrent to Sirius and he simply put his hands under the T-shirt and round his chest. He felt Remus’s skin, the scars that marred it. Remus wriggled a little.

‘What are you doing Sirius?’ he asked.

‘Hm, nothing,’ Sirius answered. ‘Just going to sleep.’

That seemed to be enough of an answer for Remus and he went back to sleep. Sirius spooned Remus and with a new calm also went to sleep.

* * *

Sirius was woken by a sharp pain in his nose. He opened his eyes frowning to see Remus flicking his nose.

‘Excuse me,’ he mumbled. ‘Sleeping here.’

‘Exactly, why are you in my bed?’ he hissed. ‘Don’t you think that’s a little suspicious to the others?’

‘Oh come on, we sleep in each others beds all the time,’ grumbled Sirius. He wrapped his arm around Remus and pulled him back down on to the bed closing his eyes. ‘Now go back to sleep.’

Remus wriggled from his hold, he was far too sleepy to hold on very tightly, ‘Not during the actual night we don’t, and not without firewhiskey.’

‘Urgh, I couldn’t sleep ok, and you’re comfy, get up before the others if you’re so worried.’

Remus sighed, and Sirius decided to look up at him. There was an odd mixture of annoyance and fondness in his eyes, it was a look he was used to getting from almost everyone he knew. Sirius wasn’t sure if he liked the idea that Remus was conceding this argument out of pity, but he did like getting what he wanted, and Remus could hardly help being his sympathetic self, he was after all Remus.   
So to save himself any further ache thinking about how he should be feeling he kissed Remus. He was a bit enthusiastic in his approach and there was a clash of teeth but he eased off gently over his lips. He decidedly kept his mouth close. No one likes morning breath. No one. Though he thought he’d probably forgive it off Remus, especially when he got that cute little blush over his cheek bones.

Remus just shook his head and lay back down in the bed. Sirius immediately snuggled.

‘You’re like a limpet in your sleep you know,’ Remus informed him.

‘I take no responsibility, you’re just too squishable,’ he said and bit Remus’s ear, because it was there and he could.

‘Oi,’ Remus said but the blush had returned, and well, Sirius just couldn’t let go, so he did again but softer, and licking it once he was done. ‘Stop that.’

Sirius had no intention of stopping anything, in fact he had great intention of keeping going. He snuck his hand back under Remus’s T-shit and ran his hands over the very slight definition of muscle that was there. Remus shivered underneath his touch and it took all of   
Sirius restraint not to just jump him. Instead he moved from nibbling Remus’s lobe to his neck. Feeling slightly vampirish for the attention he paid there but Remus' neck was delectable.

‘Sirius,’ Remus groaned and Sirius would be lying if he said he didn’t love that sound. ‘We’ll get caught.’

‘Do you want me to stop?’ Sirius asked. Remus didn’t answer, he just looked conflicted which was fine with Sirius, that wasn’t a command to stop. Sirius pulled the blanket down and lifted Remus’ top up and started kissing his chest. If he was of the thinking sort he probably would have contemplated whether or not to push this further than they had done yet. But he wasn’t. So he kept kissing Remus’ chest as he moved a hand steadily lower.

‘Is it time for breakfast yet? Bloody hell is Sirius already up?’ James’ voice interrupted his movement. Remus looked terrified so Sirius stopped his movements and rolled over on to his back groaning in frustration. Remus hurriedly pulled his quilt back up. He wasn’t getting out of bed in a hurry with his boner and he didn’t think Remus wanted to either. ‘Oi Remus you awake?’

Remus looked to Sirius, ‘Hm, sleeping.’ He faked. Sirius made an approving expression, or at least he hoped it was, it could have well been misconstrued as constipation. ‘Headache.’

‘Very well Moony I shall see you at breakfast where hopefully there shall be Padfoot, unless he has found some girl with massive tits to mess with,’ James replied. Remus tensed and Sirius mentally cursed. ‘Come on Wormtail morning sustenance awaits.’

Sirius grinned, ‘Well that was close, but now that they’re gone, where were we.’ Remus turned and glared at him.

‘Aw Remus you know I’m not messing with girls, I’m messing with you,’ he said. ‘No wait that’s not what I meant.’ But Remus was already out of the bed and pulling on a dressing gown and grabbing clothes.

‘I’m going for a shower,’ he said. ‘I’ll see you breakfast.’

Sirius let him go because he had no idea what to say, he wasn’t really sure why Remus was angry. Sirius didn’t like it though. He frowned because the situation was uncomfortably relationship like, and while he was now in one, again, he didn’t think this would happen with Remus. Perhaps it was because Remus was a marauder and not in fact a girl, and that meant that maybe such dramatics were beyond him. That he wouldn’t go into huff that Sirius couldn’t fathom and did only for a reaction.

He climbed out of Remus’ bed and wandered to his own in the hunt of clothing. Maybe he should go talk to Lily or something, maybe she could explain this act of female grumpiness he had never quite grasped. But that was ridiculous, this was Remus he was talking about, they’d be fine, he just needed to give him a bit of space and then appease him by shoving his tongue down his throat. Sorted.   
As he finished buttoning a shirt James came back into the dorm with Wormtail behind him, ‘There you are Padfoot, where have you been?’

‘Around,’ he said.

‘Girls?’

‘No but somewhat like it apparently,’ Sirius grumbled and James looked at him in utter confusion ‘Do you fancy sneaky out to Hogsmeade, I could really go for a butterbeer?’

‘Yeah why not,’ James said. ‘Moony won’t like it though.’

‘Moony’s not here, how about you Wormtail, up for a bit of casual skipping of lessons?’ He nodded eagerly, his eyes bright. Sirius smiled.

‘Well it’s settled let’s go.’

Sirius should have probably considered informing Remus where they were going but Remus wasn’t happy with him and encouraging his anger by telling him how they were going to skip and go drink in the pub wasn’t a very good idea. So they left without him. Going via the humpback witch to the cellar in honeydukes wearing the cloak and trying not to bang into anyone in the store.

As the stepped outside into the village street the ground was dusted with snow. Sirius totally hadn’t realised it had been snowing. He grinned, it wasn’t thick enough to warrant snow balls but it would be soon and that made his heart feel all warm and giddy. It also reminded him Christmas was fast approaching which was fantastic ‘cause Mrs.Potter cooked the best turkey ever, and any christmas that didn’t involve his family was fuckin’ A. Remus wouldn’t be there though, which bothered him more than it should he realised. Definitely time for a beer.

‘Snow ball fight if it continues?’ James asked.

‘Why of course Sir. Prongs, it shall be a valiant battle indeed.’

‘It shall go down in history!’ James added.

‘Will it?’ Peter asked.

‘Of course,’ Sirius affirmed opening the door to the Three Broomsticks, ‘It is our battle.’

There was a table off in the corner that they all sit in around when James went up to get the drinks. There were stern looks from everyone in there but they ignored them. They might have disapproved but he bet they’d have done it when they were in school if they could have. Sirius took a sip of his drink, it did nothing to elevate his woes.

‘You ‘right Padfoot you seem a bit down today,’ James said and Sirius was about to answer when the door opened and two very unwelcome faces brought in the cold. James' eyes followed his and cursed.

‘What?’ Peter asked standing up in his seat trying to see. Sirius pulled him down sharply.

‘What exactly,’ Sirius said, ‘is Snivellus doing talking to my cousin?’

‘Death Eater pow wow?’ James asked. ‘And what are they doing in here? Surely the hogs head is the go to for all things evil and secret?’   
Sirius didn’t answer him, just stared at the two as they bought their drinks and sat down in a booth. Bellatrix turned to him and gave him a wave and a wink. He scowled. She giggled and turned back to Snape whose eyes had widened upon seeing the three of them sitting there. Sirius wasn’t sure if he wanted to leave or if he should try and listening in to what they were talking about.

He really shouldn’t be surprised Snape was talking to her, he always suspected the slimy git to go run off with the Death-Eaters especially after what he called Evans. Snape said something to Bellatrix and she turned to look at Sirius, she got up and walked toward them. Her beetle black eyes completely focussed on him.

‘Hello cousin,’ he said as she approached him. James looked nervously between the two of them while Peter bit his bottom lip. ‘What brings you to such a nice place as this? Not exactly your usual establishment.’

‘I wanted to talk to you school friend,’ she said which was entirely not answering the question. ‘I see you are here with your blood traitors. Where’s the other one?’

‘What do you want Bellatrix?’

‘Just thought I’d come talk to you,’ she said.

‘I’m a traitor to the family name remember?’ he said. ‘So why again are you talking to me?’ Her eyes narrowed and they darted to the empty chair and back to him. Sirius felt something akin to lead drop in his stomach, this better not have anything to do with Remus. Or as everyone here be his witnesses he was going to commit mass homicide of his entire family. But the glance was so fleeting he couldn’t be sure, and besides what would the death eaters want with Remus?

‘I just wanted to let you know Sirius my dear little cousin, that your days are numbered if you continue down the path you are on,’ she said. ‘You are a blood traitor, lower than the elves that clean my home, the Dark Lord will rule. He will wipe out mudbloods and wizards will triumph over muggles the way we should have long ago.’

‘Blimey, take a load of that bullshit, hey Prongs, do you think she could be a politician?’

She withdrew her wand before he had a chance to blink and her wand was positioned at his throat. James had his pointed at her while Peter fumbled to get his out his pocket and shaking pointed it at her also. Sirius didn’t pay attention just locked eyes with Bellatrix.

‘Listen you pathetic child,’ she snarled. ‘If you continue with your efforts against the Dark Lord you will be put down like the dog you are. This is a warning, join our side or shut up and let us get on with it or you will become a flash of green light and then nothing.’  
She stepped away from him and everyone in the pub took a deep breath. She walked away and grabbed Snape by the collar pulling him with her.

’She’s a real peach isn’t she?’ Sirius said. But it all made him nervous, did she know about his ability? What was that look to the chair? And how did she know about his attempts to join the order? Snape had met with her but even he didn’t know about the animagus thing so if she did know how the hell had she found out?

‘Charming,’ James said. ‘Though do you think she..?’

‘I don’t know Prongs, but I don’t want to rely on any coincidences. Let’s go back to the castle.’ Plus Remus was still mad at him and that needed fixing before he than warned him that his fanatic cousin may or may not be after him. He rubbed his temples, and the day has started off so well.


	14. Chapter 14

Remus sat in an armchair across from Lily as she worked through a potions assignment. In the dimmed common room light, with the mahogany furniture and wine coloured drapery that complimented the red tones of her hair, Lily looked more beautiful than he'd ever seen her. The left side of her face was the colour of orange at sunset, kissed by the fire. Even with the lines of concentration streaked across her forehead she was gorgeous. He could see easily why James loved her so much. She was all feminine and fire, but what could he say? He liked them darker, rougher and lightning rather than fire.

He rubbed his temples. He had known going into this thing that Sirius would never want a true relationship from him, only another fleeting affair. He should have known he would not love him. He loved him as a friend, yes, and liked playing with him as a partner, but the two would never combine. Not the way it had in Remus. He had just been so amazed Sirius was giving him any attention at all that he hadn't given a thought to how it would end. But James had reminded Remus of what Sirius was like, and Sirius had said it himself: I'm messing with you.

What was he going to do? Could he stay in the relationship with Sirius knowing what Sirius didn't feel about him? But could he walk away?

He didn't know the answers to any of the questions his mind was posing. So he stared at Lily, watching as she fretted over the parchment in front of her and he knew without a doubt that she could love so fiercely. Sirius could. But only as friends. Perhaps his mother had broken him too much for anything else. He needed a holiday from all this, christmas was coming, but that was hardly going to be a holiday for him.

It was at that precise moment that James, Sirius and Peter entered the common room. Remus probably wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't for Sirius yelling out obscenities. James made his way to Lily and sat on the arm of the chair she was working in. She looked at him with a smile but frowned instantly at the look on his face.

'What-?' she started.

'I trust him,' Sirius said in a mocking tone. 'He is a student. We need not worry. I trust him. I will have gentle words with him. GENTLE. GENTLE FOR THAT RAT. IT'S RIDICULOUS. THAT SNI-' Sirius had just then realised who he was ranting to and stopped. Remus had initially thought it was because of the name but when he didn't renew his argument he realised Snape had done something Sirius didn't want to mention in front of Lily. Lily seemed to realise the same thing.

'It's okay,' she said. 'What has Snape done that has got your robes all in a twist?'

Sirius still didn't say anything, he looked to James with slightly pleading eyes that made Remus nervous.

'Seriously,' she said. 'What's happened?'

'We were in _the Three Bromsticks_ ,' Sirius said.

'Ah that's where you've all been,' Remus said. He pretended it didn't hurt that they went without him. After all he was the one who walked out on Sirius, if he was Sirius he wouldn't have invited him either. But it still smarted.

'Honestly,' Lily said shaking her head.

'Anyway,' Sirius. 'Snape was there.'

'Snape was skipping lessons?' she asked shocked. Remus admitted he was a bit shocked as well, Snape didn't miss any lessons.

'He was there with someone,' Sirius continued. 'Bellatrix Lestrange.'

'Bellatrix?' Lily asked. 'She's your cousin right?'

'Yes.'

'Isn't she rumoured to be…' Lily trailed off.

'A death eater. Yes she is. The aurors have nothing on her though so she runs free doing the Dark Lord's bidding and making the Blacks proud,' he added . 'I have no doubt she has murdered in his name, probably worse.'

'You sure?' she asked.

'Oh yeah,' Peter added. 'She threatened Sirius right there in the pub, but she didn't dare do anything, me and Prongs would have had her.'

Sirius and James didn't seem to have the same enthusiasm for the affair, which made Remus think it had probably had nothing to do with James and Peter why she chose not to strike.

'She threatened you?' Remus asked and for the first time that evening Sirius looked straight at him. There was something strained in his eyes.

'It was nothing,' he said. 'She may be crazy and in love with Voldemort but she sure does know something about loyalty, and she still has some to the Blacks. She is reluctant to kill me while she still thinks she could have me on their side.'

'She does?'

'Like I said, she's crazy,' Sirius looked sad. 'But, and this may be nothing, she did pay too much attention to your not being in the pub with us.'

'Too much attention?' Remus asked.

'Well, yes, any attention not spent threatening someone or worshipping Voldemort is a shock really,' Sirius replied. 'It wasn't much, she could genuinely have been curious, but I don't want to take any chances. Watch your back Remus. She also knew about me being an animagus.'

'We don't know that for sure,' James interceded.

'She damn well implied it,' Sirius said.

Remus stopped listening to the two argue about Bellatrix and looked to Lily who had taken to staring into the fire. Snape had called her a mudblood, and now here he was talking with Bellatrix. He'd been her best friend. For all Snape's Dark Arts obsession Remus didn't ever think he'd go that way. He cared about Lily, so why would he meet with a Death Eater? He knew similar thoughts were going through her head but with a more furious and fevered rate and he didn't need to perform legilimency to know that.

He knew what Sirius said about Bellatrix should frighten him but it didn't, he just looked at those emerald eyes staring into the fire, filled with questions. He rolled up the parchment he had been ignoring and threw it at James' head. It missed and hit him in the shoulder but it got his attention.

'What was that Moony?' he asked and Remus indicated with his eyes to Lily. The understanding came on James with wide eyes and he turned his attentions to Lily instead of arguing with Sirius. Sirius now bereft of someone to argue with grumbled on more about Dumbledore. Apparently he hadn't taken the meeting as seriously as Sirius would have liked. But perhaps Dumbledore was right, or perhaps he was just saying it to stop Sirius rushing off and doing anything stupid. Again.

Remus wanted to say something about the morning, but didn't dare with Peter next to them.

'Do you fancy going to the kitchens?' Remus asked. James and Lily needed space to talk.

'We missed lunch AND dinner,' Peter complained. Sirius didn't say anything for a moment as if he suddenly remembered the morning and wasn't sure Remus was genuine in his invitation. So he looked to the couple by the fire and Sirius nodded his head in understanding, so the three of them headed out of the common room.

The journey to the kitchens would have been made in uncomfortable silence if it wasn't for the ramblings of Peter about the afternoon. It seemed every new time he told the story the events changed. By the time they got to the doors of the kitchen, Sirius had been about to be given the cruciatus curse when Peter daringly stupified Bellatrix and they all barely made it out of there alive. It was a brave tale. Remus was amazed Sirius had let him ramble on so much, normally Sirius would have shut him up by now. But Sirius had been staring at Remus the entire way and Remus had been doing his best not to notice and just focus on the way ahead.

'Master Black!' Sparkles squeaked as they entered. The leader of Sirius's personal fanclub.

'Good evening my lovely Sparkles,' he said. 'Fancy making us some tea and a bit of supper?'

'Anything for you Master Black,' she said and off she popped before coming back with a tray of tea and sandwiches. There was also a walnut cake.

'Oh Sparkles you do know I love you right?' Sirius said and the poor elf nearly swooned. It was unfair really that he should have such an effect on someone who wasn't even his species. But then again his charm knew no bounds. 'When I eventually get a decent place I'm totally coming back for you Sparkles.'

'Honestly Sirius,' Remus scoffed.

'Hey, the love between a wizard and his elf is real and true,' he remarked.

'You mean the love between you and the person who provides you with food,' Remus answered taking a sip of his tea. Peter scoffed his food in about two bites, it was a pretty impressive sight to behold if one didn't see it everyday at meals.

'I want to know what the bastard is up to,' Sirius remarked. 'Talking to her. Doesn't he get it, if she gets her claws in him she won't let go. It'll end up with her killing him or him becoming a death eater. '

Remus thought she wasn't the only Black good at getting their claws into people. She just had a different way of doing it.

'Well hopefully Dumbledore can talk some sense in him?'

'I don't care what happens to him,' Sirius snapped. 'But the world doesn't need any more Death Eaters and we don't need one who knows about you being a werewolf either. From what I've heard the already have one werewolf on their side. Greyback.'

Remus swallowed hard. He hadn't heard that name in a while, but he knew who he was, as did Sirius. He would never ever forget that name. Greyback was the one who had turned him.

'Why would they care about me?' Remus mocked.

'Well werewolves are supposed to be vicious right,' Peter said. 'Maybe they want you to bite muggles.'

Remus nearly choked on his tea. The ease in which Peter said such things made him nervous. But it was just Peter's way. Remus looked at Sparkles but she was mostly just staring all wide-eyed at Sirius.

'Sparkles?' he asked.

'Hm Master Lupin?'

'Can you not tell anyone about this conversation?' he asked, then nodded to Sirius.

'Oh yes please Sparkles my love, it would be rather inconvenient if this got out,' Sirius affirmed.

'Of course, elves do not discuss wizarding business,' she said. Remus didn't believe that but he knew she wouldn't do anything against what Sirius wanted.

'The thing is Peter they have plenty of werewolves who have embraced their vicious nature,' Remus said. 'Why would they want me?'

'Oh because you might not be pure blood, but you are a half blood wizard who is a werewolf. They don't want muggle or muggle-born werewolves,' Sirius said. 'It's easier to make someone into a killer than it is to make a wizard have at least some blood purity.'

'That's a disgusting thought,' Remus said. Could they really do that? Turn perfectly good men into bloodthirsty killers. Well Voldemort must have had some of that ability. He took another sip of his tea but it tasted like ash in his mouth. Could they do it to him? Make him into a murderer.

'Moony,' Sirius said. 'We won't let them have you.'

'Maybe you won't have a choice,' Remus said quietly.

'Remus…' Sirius stopped whatever he was about to say and though Remus was itching to know what it was he had no doubt he was keeping it quiet because of Peter. 'Let's go pranking.'

Remus hit his head off the table.

In total ten Slytherins had been hexed, five Hufflepuffs and a disgruntled Ravenclaw. Not Sirius' best work, but he wasn't thinking so much as pointing and hexing. All good natured, relatively, and Remus and Peter mostly just followed and watched as Sirius flourished his wand and made a vague cackling noise. By the time they retired to the dorm, with added James picked up from the common room, they were a fair bit tired and headed to bed. Except for Remus who stayed awake. Waiting for the others to fall asleep.

Once he reckoned they were enough asleep to not notice much, Remus crept out of his bed in his T-shirt and boxers, holding out his wand and making his way across to Sirius's bed. As Remus climbed into Sirius' bed Sirius's eyes opened and appeared a matt onyx in the low light. He shuffled to a sitting position but didn't say anything. The quilt curled around his waist and Remus took in an appreciative glance of Sirius' chest. Sirius was right when he said Remus got muscle definition because of his werewolf side. But Sirius ran around Hogwarts causing mischief and playing quidditch matches, which involved some muggle exercises as well apparently, and it all formed defined muscles that made Remus' mouth water.

Remus turned away from Sirius and drew the curtain, he pointed his wand and charmed the drapes so they were both sound proofed and locked. It was interesting that a locking charm could be performed on curtains but he knew from horrid experience it could and should be done. Remus turned to Sirius who had raised a singular eyebrow over Remus' actions.

'I thought you were angry,' Sirius said. Remus knelt next to him.

'Forget about it,' Remus said. Because really forgetting about it was what he needed for now. 'Do you…do you think that the Death Eaters could make me a killer?'

'No,' he replied quickly. 'Not even for a second Moony.'

'How can you be so sure?' Remus asked. 'They could torture me, curse me, trick me.'

'No,' Sirius said. 'I know because you would rather hurt yourself than hurt anyone else. God first Snape and now the Death Eaters, why can't they just leave you alone?'

'Because I'm a werewolf,' Remus said. 'Which comes with expectations.'

'I will not let them have you,' Sirius growled. He lay his head against the wall and looked at his ceiling. Remus couldn't really see Sirius' eyes anymore but knew the determination was there. So he moved and straddled Sirius. Sirius' head snapped back down and Remus kissed him.

'You're the only one that has me,' Remus said and started kissing along Sirius' jaw. It was the first time he'd been this bold in their actions, the first time he trusted that Sirius would reciprocate. Sirius reached out and pulled at Remus' t-shirt. Remus stopped kissing so that Sirius could tug it off and then immediately went back to kissing Sirius. He didn't know why, but it suddenly seemed completely important to adore Sirius, all of him. So Remus kept kissing his lips, his jaw, his neck.

'God Remus,' Sirius said. 'There is…there's never…no one like you.'

'I am a guy,' Remus managed to get out in between kisses. 'Of course there's never been a one like me.'

'No…not…that,' Sirius said. 'Just…you.'

Remus didn't have a clue what Sirius was getting at and he didn't care, he just wanted to keep kissing him.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday to DemonSloth http://archiveofourown.org/users/demon_sloth  
> She is all of the amazing.

Sirius was pressed full body against James. So much so he could feel James' heart and smell what he had for breakfast that morning: porridge with jam and coffee. With anyone else it might have felt uncomfortable, even with Remus there would be an urge to remove clothing and start kissing him. But with James everything was natural, they just kinda blended in till they became one comfortable entanglement of heart and limbs. It was, Sirius thought, for a rare moment, the mark of true friendship that you could press your bodies against each other and not for a moment think that a/ it was inappropriate, b/ you didn't want to be doing it and c/ you didn't want to make hot sex either.

It was possible Lily and Remus would not be ok with what they doing, but that was based on their 'good' almost anti-pranking nature more than anything else. Sirius watched the quidditch pitch in front of them. James was doing the same, they were waiting, the invisibility cloak covering both of them perfectly. Sirius grinned, it was going to be bloody brilliant.

The Slytherin team piled onto the pitch ready to train.

'I'm surprised they don't train them how to cheat,' Sirius whispered.

'Shhh,' James countered. Sirius frowned but did in fact shhh. They got up on their brooms and started doing laps round the pitch. It would happen any minute now. They'd put a time-delay spell on the charm they'd used. After all they wanted maximum effect and seeing each other change wasn't nearly as good as them not noticing as it happened unknown feet above a quidditch pitch.

The first one to change was surprisingly and a little disappointingly a girl. Morgan Feyston, fourth year. She was a chaser, and was actually, Sirius hated to admit, very good. She was always one Sirius targeted with the bludgers. She didn't change all that much, her hair shrunk a little and her shoulders squared. But there was manly yelp when, Sirius was guessing, her groin changed and she was now faced with riding a broom as a man. It was something one had to be VERY careful about.

The rest of the team hadn't noticed which was great 'cause the next one to change was the captain, Murdoch Silversmith, his hair grew to his shoulders, in CURLS and his chest grew out. Who know Murdoch would have such massive tits? He too squeaked at the end of the change, maybe it was difficult to ride a broom as a woman also? The rest of the team started changing then and so the entire Slytherin squad switched genders. James was sniggering into his cloak, and Sirius was holding back the laughter that was threatening to bubble out. The looks on their faces was priceless. Then Clay Black, a distant but still pureblood, cousin, fell off his broom.

Sirius and James both left at that moment before the laughing got too much. As soon as they were clear of the pitch they threw off the cloak with a flourish and went about laughing till their sides hurt.

'We need to go to the hall,' James choked out through fits of laughing.

'Yes, of course our alibis,' Sirius said. 'If they agree to be.'

In all fairness they probably would but who was anyone kidding? The Slytherins would know it was them, who else would be able to pull off such awesome and hilarious magic? No one that's who.

Sirius put his arm round James' shoulders, it had to be this way because James was far too short to manage it the other way round without looking very odd. They practically skipped to the great hall for tea. Sirius didn't even care that Remus and Lily were huddled conspiratorially or that Peter was poking at his food in a very not Peter-like manner.

'Good evening Marauders, we were here with you all evening,' James said as he took a seat opposite Lily. Sirius sat next to him.

'God what have you done?' Remus asked. 'Will we have to defend you in court?

'That would be spoiling it dear Moony, you must wait and see our valiant efforts at entertaining the masses of this school,' Sirius remarked filling his plate up with Yorkshire puddings and mashed potatoes.

That was when the Slytherin team charged into the great hall.

'POTTER!' Some of the members yelled while the others yelled out. 'BLACK!'

Sirius looked in their direction trying to emit a fine air of nonchalance. James was doing the same. The whole hall had turned to stare at the quidditch team who were still wearing their robes with looks of utter confusion.

'You!' Silversmith hissed walking up to them, his new bosoms heaving in anger.

'Well I don't normally go for Slytherin girls,' Sirius said. That wasn't entirely true.

'Why am I a girl!' That was when the hall collectively realised why they hadn't been able to recognise the Slytherin team and promptly burst into laughter. It took all Sirius had not to join them. Even Lily was trying unsuccessfully to stifle giggles.

'Who are you?' James asked.

'You both are behind this! Undo it!' One of the previously male girls shouted out.

'I don't know what they are on about, do you James?'

'Not a clue?'

'WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?'

'Professor McGonagall, nice evening isn't it?' Sirius said.

'Do not make me repeat myself,' she said, but her glare was directed to the Slytherins. She was indeed loyal to her house.

'Look at us! They did it!'

'Certainly not,' James said.

'Do you have any proof?' she asked the team.

'No,' female Murdoch grumbled. 'Wait! Do the last spell a wand has made thing!'

'That's an invasion of privacy,' Sirius remarked.

'Black hand it over,' McGonagall demanded. He handed it over and she went through the whole spell to find the last spell Sirius used was to clean his washing, and James was to summon his texts books, which was of course they had entirely planned. They had been caught out by the 'last spell' spell in second year, they learnt from their mistakes. 'Well Murdoch there is no proof to your accusations, did any of you actually witness Black or Potter doing a spell?'

'No,' they all grumbled and Black tried very hard not to grin.

'I suggest you all go to Madam Pomfrey,' she said to the Slyhtherin team. Sirius felt he had pulled something in his face trying not to laugh. As the team disbanded she turned to them eyes narrowed. 'Twenty points each from Gryffindor for thinking you could fool me.'

As she walked away Sirius and James finally let go of their laughter. Sirius' stomach cramped up as tears filled his eyes.

'So how long will it last?' Lily asked grinning.

'A couple of days I imagine,' James said and Sirius nodded.

'Did you see how big Murdoch's breasts were?' Remus said through a mouthful of roast beef. A small part of Sirius felt shocked at that question and wanted to demand that the man breasts Remus should be ogling were his, and then he wanted to curse himself for having such a disturbing though.

'I know, they must hurt,' Lily commented. The marauders all stared at Lily. This was a girl who had previously always condemned them and now she was laughing with them and commenting on breasts. Sirius thought the whole thing was bloody odd. Perhaps she really did like James. 'Well, they would.'

Sirius nodded though he had no real concept of what made breasts hurt, or why them being big would alter anything. He glanced to Remus who had stopped laughing enough to get himself some trifle. Then the glance turned into a stare. He had almost completely forgotten about the prank and his dinner.

'Sirius you feeling okay?' Peter asked.

'What yeah,' Sirius replied probably a bit too fast and the rest of the group turned to look at him. Remus frowned at him, and then he felt something nudging his foot and he knew it was Remus.

'You know I'm knackered I'm going to go have a nap,' Sirius said.

'At this time?' James asked. Sirius stretched in a very dramatic and somewhat skilful fashion.

'Let sleeping dogs lie,' Sirius said. Remus looked like he was about to stand up also, Sirius tried not to grin too much.

'Remus can you help me with my transfiguration essay?' Peter asked. Sirius wanted to tell him to go jump off a cliff. But Remus looked at him with puppy eyes that were supposed to be Sirius' speciality. He made a noise akin to a growl but turned his head so that Remus could see it wasn't mad.

'Okay Peter we'll go to the library,' Remus answered. Sirius guessed they could charm the curtains on his bed again later. He skulked off and bumped into a gender confused Slytherin and started laughing again. That was going to have him amused for weeks.

'Sirius.'

He turned around to look at Lily hurrying after him. The only time she had ever done that before was when she was yelling at him for insulting or pranking Snivellus.

'Hi, you heading back to the common room too?' he asked. She was carrying a pile of books in her arms. He wondered whether he should offer to help her with them.

'Yes, James is going to help Remus with Peter,' she said. 'Look I want to talk to you about something.'

'No I cannot betray James in that way,' Sirius said. 'You are beautiful woman, but it would never work.'

'Very funny Sirius,' she said dryly. 'I see more than he does. He expects you all to be the same so he doesn't notice, I do.'

'Lily dear you are making less sense than usual.'

'Will you listen!' She snapped. 'I know about you and Remus.'

'Know what?' He asked though he could feel his heart beat racing.

'You're together,' she said. Sirius was about to object when she added, 'Making out and the rest.'

'He told you?' He asked remembering how they were huddled together when they had arrived in the Great Hall.

'No,' she said. 'Like I said, I notice. I see they way you look at each other. He adores you.'

Sirius didn't say anything to that as they waited for one of the staircases to swing back around for them.

'Despite your arrogance, and your egotistical view of well everything, you're good to your friends. But you're terrible to your girlfriends so I ask, just what is Remus now?'

'What?'

'Is he a marauder or your latest fling? Cause he can't be both,' she said. 'He's a beautiful man, in every way and for some reason he's in love with you. But if you're only in it for a bit of fun then you should end it, because you're going to break his heart and him and the marauders. Because he won't be able to be around any of you and all that you try to protect with your map and your pranks will be ruined.'

Sirius felt like a lump had formed in his throat.

'I won't do that to him.'

'Will you not?'

'I would never hurt Remus,' Sirius said.

'I know you wouldn't deliberately, but you need to think for once in your life about what you are doing. If you aren't in the relationship like he is then end it before he gets in even deeper.'

'Did he say anything?' Sirius asked.

'No, but he's sad and not just about that.'

'Sad?' Sirius asked and felt ashamed he hadn't been paying attention. 'About that thing in the three broomsticks?'

'No,' Lily said. 'I know you like to spend Christmas with the Potters. But have you noticed the lunar calendar for this month?'

'Oh god.' Sirius hadn't checked the calendar, he usually waited for Remus to tell him when the dates were, but of course he hadn't mentioned anything this time because of the holidays. He knew Remus' parents locked him in the basement when he turned at home. Sirius hated that they did that, but there was no other option. What else were they going to do? 'Christmas?'

'Please help him,' Lily said.

'I'll be there,' he said.

'I once asked Remus why he hung out with you all, and he said you and James had the biggest hearts he knew. Prove him right,' she said and then after a moment, 'You're still a berk.'

'I am,' Sirius admitted as they reached the portrait. 'Don't worry Lily. I'm going to take care of him I promise.'

'You better,' she said.


	16. Chapter 16

Remus was hiding in a corner of the library. It was perhaps childish and cowardly but he just didn't want to face Sirius and James dancing around about Christmas. The castle was covered in decorations and they were decorations he used to love in the past, but now they just reminded him of how he was spending christmas. He wanted to go with Sirius and James and have fun at the Potter's. They'd have snow ball fights and snow dragons, but it just wasn't a possibility. So he hid.

He wasn't even doing any homework. He was reading 'Interview with the Vampire,' a novel thankfully devoid of anything to do with christmas, but he was having trouble concentrating on anything that was written on its pages. He kept thinking about Sirius, and about the argument they had before all the drama of Snape chatting with Bellatrix. Was Remus right to have let it go? He couldn't help thinking that he shouldn't have. He loved Sirius so much it burned in his chest when he thought about him. But every time he reminded himself that Sirius did not feel the same way, every time they kissed, even when they talked he knew. His heart broke every time.

'Master Lupin,' a voice squeaked. Remus looked down to see Sparkles standing next to his chair. she handed him a piece of paper.

_Come to the Owlery - Padfoot._

'Is he insane? It'll be freezing,' Remus asked. But Sparkles had already gone, Remus sighed. That poor house elf. Remus placed the book in his bag and wrapped his cloak around him, he was going to need it.

Remus nearly slipped on the ice leading up the tower steps but he clutched at the wall for balance and it sort of helped. He bet Sirius had no trouble navigating his way to the top of the tower. But he thankfully didn't manage to fall on his arse so he thanked god for small mercies.

It was always obvious when you were about to reach the top of the tower, because the ground beneath you began to crunch as you started stepping on owl droppings and rodent carcasses. Some students were so squeamish they would never venture up here and their poor owls only ever got attention when they delivered the post.

Sirius was sat on the windowsill…well what would have been the windowsill if anyone had put a window there. He stared out into the sky; it was dark now and Remus wondered what Sirius could be looking at.

'You summoned me,' Remus stated as a way of greeting. Sirius looked to him and grinned, his smile almost spreading the full width of his face.

'I did!' Sirius answered, either oblivious to or decidedly ignoring Remus' dry tone. 'Here.'

Sirius shoved a letter in his direction, it was addressed to Mr and Mrs Lupin. 'This is for my parents.'

'Well done, I knew the teachers loved you for a reason. Read it,' Sirius demanded. Remus sighed and unfolded the paper.

_Dear Mother and Father,_

_I am sorry to say but I have so much work to do at the moment that I will be unable to come home for christmas. I am truly disappointed as you know how much I love your christmas dinner. But school must come first. You know I love my books. Also fear not, I will not be alone, Sirius is also staying as he is so far behind in his studies. I hope you are well and will see you in the new year. Merry Christmas._

_Remus_

'What is this?' Remus asked. Sirius raised his eyebrow. 'Okay, but we can't do this. You're going to the Potter's and I need to go home. My parents will-'

'Your parents will be fine without you,' Sirius interrupted. 'Just like the Potters will be fine without me, in fact they might end up with a bit of christmas pudding this year if I don't go.'

'But-'

'Oh stop with your buts,' Sirius complained and then frowned as he realised what he had said. 'You're not spending christmas eve and christmas looked in a basement. No matter how safe it makes everyone else. You'll be in agony and ripped to shreds and I don't want that for you. If you're here and I'm here with you we can go out, and you'll still hurt but at least you won't have to turn on yourself.'

'I was hoping you wouldn't figure it out, I didn't want to worry you all.' Remus knew they'd want to help, but he seriously didn't want to mess up anyone's christmas. His was going to be shitty, that didn't mean anyone else's had to be.

'No of course you didn't, because you're Moony and you do such ridiculous things like worrying about people worrying. But I've spoken to Prongs and Wormtail and I said I'd stay here so that you could too.'

'You don't have to.'

'I'm going to throw you out of this tower if you don't stop thinking of yourself as the bottom of the barrel. We're Marauders we take care of each other.'

Remus' heart fell a bit then but he didn't want to admit it. What Sirius was offering was amazing. That he wouldn't go to the Potter's house for christmas for Remus. Sirius lived for christmas at the Potter's, it was all he talked about during December and then January. For a brief moment he thought Sirius was doing it because he was his boyfriend. But no it was just Sirius' marauder loyalty. There wasn't anything wrong with that, Remus knew that much. It was one of things Remus loved most about him. But he was living in a state of perpetually wanting more than Sirius could give.

'I don't think it's a good idea,' Remus whispered.

'What? Of course it is, we'll have plenty of time to think of what to do about Snape, and plenty of time to think of nothing at all.' Sirius wiggled his eyebrows.

'I can't do this anymore,' Remus spoke.

'What are you talking about?' Sirius asked.

'I can't do _us_ anymore,' Remus replied. 'I…I just can't. It's killing me, and I can't let it anymore. You need to find someone who just loves messing around with you, I can't be that person. I tried. I'm going to go home for christmas. You're going to go to the Potter's…And when we come back we can pretend we never happened.'

Sirius was staring at him with those slate eyes that Remus could spend his life looking at. But Remus broke the contact before the tears that were pushing behind his eyes could actually appear. He walked out. He didn't stop, even as he nearly slipped on the stairs.

Every single part of his body was screaming at him to turn around and run back to Sirius. To go down on his knees amongst the dead vermin and plead with Sirius, promise him he'd be whatever he wanted. But he forced himself to keep moving forward. No matter how much he wanted to, he knew he couldn't be what he wanted, he would always be in love with Sirius, and no amount of pretending to be just a lover or a friend would change that. As much as he loved Sirius he wasn't going to break himself for this.

He was at Dumbledore's office faster than he would have thought possible, but he hadn't really been concentrating on what his feet were doing. He couldn't remember the password so he yelled at the statue. The headmaster much have heard because the statue started to move. Remus started up the stairs.

'Ah Lupin to what do I owe the pleasure?' Dumbledore asked.

'I need to go home now,' Remus said. He knew it was a stretch asking to go home two weeks early. But he was hoping he could play his werewolf card. 'I'm going to be turning when I'm down there for the holidays and I'd like the time to help my parents prepare for it. I'm ahead in all my classes and I will do any extra work they deem appropriate over the holidays, they can send it to me via owl.'

'Are you sure that is what you want? Is there no one willing to stay with you here where you can be more…free?'

'They would but I don't want them to, thank you, but I want to go home.' Dumbledore looked over his glass at Remus and sighed.

'Very well,' he said. 'As you are so far ahead with your work I don't see why not. By the urgent way you came to see me I assume you want to leave now? You're welcome to use the floo here. I will inform your Professors in the morning.'

'Thank you sir, and yes I would like to do that.' Remus felt relieved, he didn't want to have to stick around any longer than necessary, he didn't want to face Sirius or his pride might just completely fall away.

Remus grabbed a handful of floo powder.

'Lupin, just so you know, running away never solves a great deal, but a break does often help with clarity. Just be prepared for the repercussions of both.'

'The Lupin's house,' he said and dropped the floo. Dumbledore's office disappeared from his view and he felt himself yanked backward. Thousands of fireplaces blurred past of him. He often wondered whether or not you could crash into someone while travelling by floo. There'd been no reports of it, but surely it was possible.

His living room came into focus, the sofa across from the floo, a chocolate sort of brown with frayed edges.

'No worry, it's Remus.' He heard his mother call and as he stepped out of the flames. He noticed her in the armchair with a book in her hands. Her legs were curled up beneath her and a mug of tea was on the floor. 'Hey sweetheart, what are you doing home so early?'

Remus opened his mouth to speak, to lie more specifically. But as he looked into his mother's worried eyes he couldn't form the words. He just shook his head. He clenched his fists at his side, he would not cry. She dropped her book and had him in her arms in a matter of seconds. He dwarfed her but it didn't matter, he rested his head on her shoulder and hung on for dear life.

'Baby what's wrong? What happened?' she asked. 'What did they do to you?'

'Silvia?' His father's voice carried into the living room.

'Don't worry John, get some tea for Remus would you?' she replied without breaking her hold around Remus. He could smell the usual rosemary scent on her, she always put it in whatever she cooked. He felt like he was five, and was being comforted for scraping his knee. He wished it could all be fixed with a plaster.

His mother put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him upright. For such a small witch she had amazing strength.

'Tell me what's going on, do I have to hex anyone?' she asked. There was a glint in her sea coloured eyes that made him fear for the safety of Sirius if he did dare tell her what was going on.

'No…I broke up with someone,' he said carefully. 'I didn't want to. But…'

Remus didn't know how to keep talking without either crying or revealing that he was gay or at least bisexual and had been getting it on with Sirius for the last month.

'But?'

'But, they don't love me like I love them,' he managed. His dad came into the room with three mugs of tea. He put them down and took out his mother's old one.

'Thank you honey,' she said. 'Listen Remus are you sure breaking up was the right thing to do?'

'What?' he asked. Of all the responses to his statement this one was the last one he expected.

'Well clearly you care an awful lot about this person. How can you be certain they don't feel the same way?'

'I just am.'

'Well, could they not learn over time? People reach different stages of relationships at different times. I know how much it can hurt to think someone doesn't feel the same way when you give them everything, but that can change.'

'It won't. They can't feel that way about anyone, it's not in them.'

'Oh sweetheart why did you go falling for someone like that?' she said softly. Remus shrugged and she stroked his hair. 'Have a seat and drink your tea.'

He took a sip but it didn't taste like tea, it didn't taste of anything. He put the tea on the floor and rested his head on the sofa arm. His mother just didn't know Sirius, well she did, but she didn't know he was talking about Sirius. Sirius was a player, not just because he could be, or because he liked it, but because that's all he could be. Maybe it was unfair of Remus to doubt Sirius' abilities to maintain a relationship with love but perhaps it was more unfair to expect him to be anything but what he was.

Sirius had probably already found a girl to replace him by now. He'd probably realised Remus had given him an out, a 'let's forget about this mistake' clause. He'd have been angry at first because it would hurt Sirius' pride to be dumped, but then he'd go find a Hufflepuff with big tits or something. He'd worry about Remus over christmas as he ate the Potter's out of christmas pudding. Then come new year he'd be finding a Slytherin with enchanting eyes to convert to his cause. He'd take her on dates to the astronomy tower and have sex with her in the room of requirement.

Remus' stomach lurched and he ran to the bathroom. Remus hadn't eaten all day so he just retched bile. His stomach cramped as it fought to empty itself of nothing.

'Sweetheart are you okay?' his mother called from the other side of the bathroom door.

'I'm fine,' Remus rasped. His throat felt like it was on fire. He leant against the bathroom tiles panting. God, what the hell had he done?


	17. Chapter 17

'LILY!' Sirius bellowed as he strode into the common room. Lily was sat on James: who was sitting in the armchair by the fire. James must have been sleeping because he jumped awake and Lily squeaked as she was nearly tossed off.

'What the hell man?' James asked. 'Don't you have a 'common room and best mate's napping' voice?'

'Lily I need to talk to you,' Sirius said. He looked about the common room and there was no sign of Remus. He'd thought Remus would have come here so he ran in this direction hoping to catch him up. Remus might have gone to the library. But in all honesty Sirius had no idea what he was going to say to Remus when he did see him. Don't break up with me yet? I need you?

'Why do you need to talk to _my_ girlfriend,' James said. Lily turned and frowned at him.

' _Your_ girlfriend has a name, and is perfectly capable of talking for herself,' she said. James blushed. 'What is it Sirius?'

Sirius didn't know what to say. He couldn't very well say it was private; there was nothing he kept from James, that James knew about anyway. What on earth could he have to talk about that he couldn't say in front of James? Was this it? Was this the moment he was going to have to tell James that he was bisexual or at least he had a part of him that was Remus-sexual?

'Padfoot? Have you been hexed?' James asked. Lily got off of James and walked toward him.

'Was Remus with you?' she asked.

'Was,' Sirius said. He stared into Lily's eyes willing her to understand what was going on.

'Ah he wants to discuss his potion essay, is that why he sent you to talk to me Sirius?' she asked. 'Right let's go. James honey I'll be back in a bit.'

She grabbed onto Sirius' arm and was dragging him out of the portrait. It all happened so fast James didn't have time to question that if they wanted to talk about essays why didn't they just wait in the common room to do it; and why did Sirius have escort Lily; and why were they were going to the library at 9pm when it closed in half an hour.

'What happened?' she asked.

'He dumped me,' Sirius said. The words were thick on his tongue, and he still had trouble believing them. He was dumped. That never happened. Never. Even when the girls he had been with had started yelling and screaming; they'd hung on with their nails until the last moment.

'I'm going to need more than that if you want me to help you,' she said. 'You didn't cheat on him did you?' Lily's eyes practically glowed as she reached for her wand.

'Woah,' he said with his hands up in front of him. 'I definitely did not cheat. Believe it or not I haven't ever cheated on any girl. I don't stay with them long enough to cheat.'

Lily put her wand away but was still frowning at him. Not that he blamed her, he would probably suspect it was him that had done something horrible too.

'Well?'

'I was trying to sort out what to do about christmas. Y'know, I was going to stay here, so he could and then not be…' He trailed off. He might risk everyone finding out he had been with Remus, but he wouldn't risk them realising Remus was a werewolf. 'Then he says he can't do this anymore and then ran off.'

'Did he say anything else? Like why couldn't he do it anymore?'

'He said it was killing him!' Sirius snapped. 'I don't know what that means. He said I should find someone who loves messing around with me, I thought he loved messing around with me. I don't understand.'

'I see,' Lily said with a sigh. 'This is what I told you about.'

'What do you mean?' Sirius asked and kicked the wall.

'Remus doesn't _just_ love messing around with you. He thinks you don't feel the same way about him that he feels about you. It's killing him, because being around you and being with you reminds him of how you _don't_ feel.'

'I love Remus I always have,' Sirius complained. 'He should know that.'

'And that's the problem,' she explained. 'You've always loved him as a friend how is he supposed to know the difference now? Because you kiss him? You do that to girls and you don't give a shit about them.'

Sirius couldn't work out what was going on. Perhaps it was because Lily and Remus were thinkers and he never was. But surely loving Remus and the making out with him showed how Sirius felt adequately enough.

'I was going to stay with him over Christmas, I gave up on Christmas dinner at the Potter's for him.' He really had as well. Since Sirius wasn't going to be able to make it they had invited Lily in his stead. Now Sirius was going to be stuck in Hogwarts by himself on christmas day, instead of lying in bed with Remus and giving him 'presents' all day. Sirius wanted to hex someone.

'But did you tell him why?'

'I told him I didn't want to see him hurt and that's what marauders should do for each other,' he said.

'There you go,' Lily said. 'He thinks you're doing things for him out of marauder duty. He thinks he is just a marauder who you like to kiss. He wants to be more, needs to be more. Just being friends who make out isn't enough for him. He was probably sick of waiting for you to dump him, and go to the next relationship like you normally do.'

'I don't know if that's even what we were, I never thought about it,' he said. 'I thought Remus was happy.' Sirius felt sick. He was apparently hurting Remus without even realising it. He didn't think Remus would be worried about any of that, he hadn't said anything.

'I know sweetie, it's your first time actually dealing with someone else's feelings.' Sirius couldn't tell whether she was being serious or patronising or both. This was a nightmare, it was actually easier dealing with his ridiculous family then it was trying to save a relationship. Is this how the girls felt he had broken up with? Did they feel as hollow as he did right now? Like a part of them had just taken off.

'What do I do?' he asked.

'Well let me ask you a question,' Lily said. 'What is the difference between how you feel with Remus being with you and with him being gone?'

'It feels right when he is with me,' Sirius admitted. 'When he isn't around I feel like I'm missing a limb.'

'Right,' Lily said with a smile. 'Congratulations Sirius you are actually in love with Remus you just haven't bothered to realise it or tell Remus either. Tell him how you feel. Properly, not in marauder speak, or anything to do with the marauders at all, it's got to be about just you two. Tell what you feel when he is with and when he isn't. Tell him what being without him would mean to you. Tell him all of it. As dim-witted in relationships as you both are I'm sure if you rambled enough he'd get the point.'

'Okay,' Sirius said.

'Wait for him to come back to the common room and you can talk to him then,' Lily said.

Sirius didn't know what to say. He had spared himself these kinda problems by avoiding relationships at all cost. How had this happened?

A loud screech sounded throughout the corridor. Sirius turned to look and saw a large bird flying in his direction. It dropped a letter into his hands and then placed itself on his shoulder. The talons dug into his shoulder and he grimaced.

'A Hawk?' Lily gasped. 'Who do you know that has a hawk?'

Sirius tried to ignored the pain in his shoulder, 'I don't know.'

He opened the letter.

Shrieking Shack - midnight.

Sirius frowned, 'Remus.'

'Since when does Remus have a hawk?' Lily asked.

'He must have just borrowed it from the Owlrey, I bet it's a slytherin's,' he winced as the hawk dug it's claws in further and flew off. Sirius looked to his shoulder and the holes that now adorned his shirt, blood stained the area around them and he rolled his eyes. 'Definitely a slytherin's.'

'Well there's a while till midnight so let's go back to the common room,' Lily said. 'But just remember what I said, you need to tell him everything you feel. Okay?'

'Okay, everything I feel, got it,' Sirius replied. He just wished he knew for certain what exactly that was. Sure Lily said he was in love, and Lily should know given the way she and James fawned over each other. But was he? What did being in love even mean? How did it differ from love, if it wasn't just love with added sex. What made it different? Sirius rubbed his head, he really hated thinking.

* * *

A couple of hours of waiting in the common room while Lily and James made goo goo eyes and Peter whined was the longest couple of hours in his life. He tried playing chess with Peter but he won fairly easily. Peter always went straight for the king, making his plan easy to intersect. Remus. Remus. Remus. It's all he could think about. What was he going to say?

Every so often Lily would glance over to him, her moss coloured eyes thinking over him and Remus. He didn't know what she thought of any of this. Would she tell James that two of his best friends made out on a frequent basis? What would Peter do? Would he stop being part of them, decide another group of friends would be more interesting.

Sirius got up to leave the common room, he didn't even bother to tell James where he was going, he didn't even take the map. He just used good old fashioned (second year to be specific) looking round corners.

His palms were sweating even before he reached the grounds. The icy air did nothing to cool the clammy feeling across his forehead either. This was it, his future was counting on this act. If he mucked this up he would have to give up Remus. Completely. God he wanted to be sick.

He couldn't even remember making his way into the shack, it was all just a blur of his sweaty palms and nervous breathing.

'Remus?' He called out into the room.

'Hm, not quite,' called a voice he'd rather not here for the rest of his life. Light burst around the room. He squinted his eyes from the pain. After they adjusted he took a glance around the shack. On the old tattered sofa, the one Remus often ended up lying on, sat Bellatrix. She was reclined back in the corner her wand twirling in her fingers. In the corner of the room was the greasy git looking all nervous and like he'd just sold his soul to the devil. Perhaps because he had.

'What do you want Bella?' Sirius asked folding his arms across his chest. 'I thought we pretty much covered where we stood at our last meeting.'

His eyes focussed on the wand in her hand. He couldn't reach for his without tipping her off. If this was when she decided to kill him he wouldn't have much of a fighting chance.

'Severus here has told me some very interesting tidbits about you and your friends,' Bellatrix said.

'Did he now,' Sirius' eyes snapped to him. 'I wouldn't believe anything that comes out of his mouth unless you need it to oil something.'

'Greyback wants his fledgling back,' she continued ignoring Sirius' comment on Snape.

'I don't know what you're talking about.'

'Don't be silly Sirius dear, you think I get all my information from one source? Greyback knows who he bit that night, always has done, always will. They're connected. The Dark Lord didn't really care until you ended up in the hospital wing, until Severus nearly got eaten. It seems little Remus Lupin is finally embracing his wilder side.'

Sirius laughed, 'You're kidding me right? Remus Lupin, wild side? You want to know about those events? Fine, I was the reason I ended up in the hospital wing, and I was the reason Snivellus here nearly got eaten. Though his own stupidity helped a lot on that one. Remus is a fluffy kitten. People only get hurt when I force them under his claws.'

Bellatrix licked her lips, 'Interesting. Severus did mention that Remus follows you round like a lost puppy. Perhaps the trick to getting Remus is in fact you?'

'There is no trick to getting Remus,' Sirius scoffed. 'Regardless of what tool you use, he will never be one of you.'

'He'll either be one of us, or he won't be at all,' she said. 'Werewolves are disgusting half breeds but right now Greyback is useful, if Lupin is useful then perhaps he should be allowed to live.'

'Go fuck yourself,' he snapped. She winked at him and disapperated. 'Dammit!'

Sirius bit his lip, what was he going to do now? The death eaters had his scent and they weren't going to give up till they had him in their snare. He glared at Snape.

'You fucking idiot,' Sirius growled. 'It's not enough for you to risk your own life messing around with death eaters, to scorn Lily's friendship by joining up with their cause you want to take an innocent man down with you?'

'He's not innocent, and Lily is the one who ruined us when she started her thing with Potter.'

'Stupid git. Lily didn't do anything other than start a relationship with someone, you could have stayed friends with her through that. You didn't have to walk away and you certainly didn't have to join the death eaters who murder witches like Lily on a weekly basis. Tell me Snape when the death eaters order you to murder her, to yell Avada Kedavra in her face will you?'

Snape looked down at his feet' and hissed, 'You know nothing about me.'

'You're pathetic, she was the one good thing you had going for you and you've betrayed her in the cruelest way possible. She tried to convince us we were too harsh on you, that you made mistakes in the past that we shouldn't still punish you for. Too bad we were right and she was wrong. Have a nice life with the death eaters Snivellus.'

Sirius walked out the room. He wasn't going to bother arguing with Snape anymore, he had Remus to save. Somehow. He wondered if he should tell James. Should he even tell Remus? For that matter where the hell was Remus? He hadn't turned up to the common room so Sirius had assumed Remus was waiting in the shack for him.

Okay, plan, he needed a plan. Gather the marauders and discuss strategy. He knew what Lily said about no marauder business when dealing with Remus, but this was Remus' life they were talking about. Never mind the marauders they needed a fucking calvary.


	18. Chapter 18

Remus stretched up and placed a star on the top of the christmas tree. The glitter itched his hands as he tried to centre the ornament.

'Remus dear it's wonky,' his mother called up to him. Remus frowned at her but adjusted the star anyway.

He stepped back from the decorating and looked at the tree, it was not half bad even if he did say so himself. All the baubles were red or gold and it reminded him a little uncomfortably of the Gryffindor common room. How was he going to go back after he left in such a hurry? It had been a couple of days and he hadn't heard anything. Not that he expected anyone to be coming after him, but he thought he might have had a letter. A generic sort of thing like: Remus you git why'd you take off? Something like that.

But he guessed he deserved it. Or maybe he didn't, he wasn't all too sure on that anymore.

'You're moping again,' his mother pointed out. He opened his mouth to argue but thought better of it. Instead he just folded his arms over and fell back onto the sofa. 'I know it's hard but you can't let this ruin your christmas.'

'No, I have other things for that,' he grumbled and he regretted it as soon as he said it. 'Mum I'm sorry.' She dismissed the comment with a wave of her hand.

'No reason not to enjoy the time around it,' she said and went back to bounding around and sorting out christmas ornaments. But there was just a little less bounce in her step, enough for Remus to feel like the worst son in the world.

'Er Remy a hawk just arrived with a letter for you,' his dad said. Remus frowned, he didn't know anyone with a hawk. He took the letter from his dad and unfolded it.

_Dear Werewolf,_

_You are requested to a Death Eater Meeting this eve, step outside your home and we will be there. We do not take kindly to no._

_Bellatrix Lestrange_

_P. S. Bring my cousin if you want. I could do with aiming practice._

Remus' hands were shaking as he finished reading the letter for the fifth time. Sirius had been right, they were after him. What was he going to do? He couldn't join the Death Eaters, he just couldn't, but they knew where he lived. Where his parents lived. Could he endanger them? Could he murder innocent people to keep his parents safe? Was that what this was going to come down to?

'What is it dear?' his mum asked.

'We need to move,' he said. 'I'm sorry. But we need to move today, and we need to hide.'

'What?' she asked. He handed her the letter. She closed her eyes as she finished.

'We can't afford to move,' she said. 'Where would we go?'

'Anywhere, they know where we live, if we don't they'll come for us…unless.'

'No,' she said firmly. 'You are not giving yourself to them. We'd have to go somewhere, I just don't know where.'

'The order,' Remus said. 'We have to tell them, they could help.'

She bit her lip. She didn't like trusting strangers with him, Remus had always known that.

'It's Dumbledore, you know he's on our side,' Remus countered. She nodded.

'Okay write a letter to him telling him what's going on and that we need to move now. I'll go tell your father.'

Remus nodded and went in search of a parchment and quill.

_Professor Dumbledore,_

_The Death Eaters are after me and know where I live. We need to move, but we need the order's help._

_Remus Lupin_

He didn't want to put anymore in than that in case the letter was intercepted. He got out another letter.

_Marauders_

_Hey guys, not sure how to best put this without you all going crazy but I might not be around for a while. Turns out the death eaters want me and they know where I live, resourceful evil doers aren't they. I need to get my parents safe. Don't worry okay? Have a good christmas and I'll write when I get the chance._

_Moony_

He took his two letters to his father's owl that roosted in the attic.

'Hey there Manfred, I've got a couple of letters I need you to deliver, you okay to make it to Hogwarts?' The owl nipped at his fingers and Remus assumed that was a yes. 'Be safe, don't let anyone else read them.'

Manfred took off as soon as Remus opened the skylight window. It would take a couple of hours for the letters to reach their destination so nothing much else to do but make a cup of tea. A really strong cup, laced with firewhisky if he could get away with it, which he probably couldn't.

He trudged down the stairs. His mother was right, they couldn't afford to move. They could barely afford to live as it was, his parents had blown all their life savings on trying to find cures for him. There was nothing left. He sat on the stairs where he was. This was all his fault.

His parents wouldn't be dirt poor if it wasn't for him, and the death eaters wouldn't be bothering them if it wasn't for him. Sure the death eaters hated them, his mother was muggle-born after all but they wouldn't have been singularly targeted like this, they weren't high-profile enough. No that was Remus. He grabbed his hair with hands and tried to hold back the scream that he wanted to yell out. It wasn't going to solve anything.

'Remus!' his mother called out. 'There you are, did you send the letter off?'

'Yes,' he said reaching for the tea she offered him.

'We're going to be okay you know,' she said. Remus smiled at her but he just didn't believe it. None of this was okay and as long as Voldemort went about being the Dark Lord it was never going to be.

* * *

Remus spent the next couple of hours going round in circles in his mind. Never truly reaching any sort of conclusion. The mug of tea in his hands had long been cold. He had considered making a fresh cup but as he hadn't bothered drinking this one it seemed pointless. A thin silvery wisp entered through the letter box. Remus jumped to his feet and the mug of cold tea spilled down the stairs. He drew his wand and pointed it towards the door. The silver wisp started to fill out a shape like plaster pouring into a mould. It solidified: claws and feathers forming.

'Mum,' he yelled. He kept pointing the wand forward as his mother came running. 'We seem to have a phoenix patronus in our passage.'

'I have a message from Dumbledore,' the phoenix spoke. 'All of the Lupins have been invited to stay at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The floo to Dumbledore's office will open in ten minutes and will be open for ten minutes only.'

The phoenix vanished back into silvery smoke and exited through the keyhole.

'I don't understand,' his mother said.

'It makes sense, Hogwarts is the safest place in England, you can't apparate in or out and the only time you can floo is when Dumbledore lets you. Voldemort won't reach us there.'

'But it's a school.'

'It's the safest place right now. We can think of something else once we're there,' his father interjected. His mother pursed her lips and Remus knew she hated the thought of relying on Dumbledore's charity.

'Okay,' she said. 'We go. Your dad and I have packed some stuff together you have five minutes to pack.'

'It's alright. I still have all my school stuff there, I didn't exactly pack when I came back,' he said. His mother shook her head at him, but he shrugged.

They stood around in an awkward silence waiting for the minutes to be up before they could get through the floo. Remus knew it was the best solution, and he was surprised he hadn't thought of it himself. But he didn't want to face Sirius yet. He didn't want to see if Sirius had a new girlfriend or even worse, if he didn't.

Remus rubbed his lips together as he thought of the kisses he'd shared with Sirius. His bed here felt empty without Sirius climbing in once everyone was asleep. Remus' arms stretched out in the middle of the night to find nothing there. He felt as if there was a sharp rock stuck in his chest and every time he thought of Sirius it twisted. But he couldn't think about any of that now, he needed to get his family safe, and that meant going to Hogwarts.

'Okay,' his mother said. 'Let's go.'

The three of them clambered in together and Remus dropped the floo powder.

'Dumbledore's office,' he said.

The green flames licked up around their bodies and as they died down Remus saw Dumbledore waiting for them with a tray of tea and sherbet lemons. His parents and Dumbledore went through pleasantries and sat about discussing possible strategies.

'I am happy to have you here as long as necessary, but it's not a long term solution,' Dumbledore says. 'It would just be a prison to you.'

'Indeed,' his mother commented. Remus zoned in and out of the conversation. The problem was no one had an answer. They couldn't stay here indefinitely, and if they moved they would be in hiding. The death eaters would keep hunting him. The only way people got the death eaters off their tail was to end up as one of them or end up in the ground.

'Remus do you want to go see your friends?' Dumbledore said. 'They've been worried about you.'

Remus knew they would be, they were good like that. But no he didn't want to see them. He nodded to Dumbledore though, he knew when he wasn't wanted. The adults wanted to talk in private. Probably about how it was hopeless and that everyone's days were numbered.

He left the office, he didn't know where to go. As much as he liked the library he couldn't guarantee the marauders wouldn't be there, especially this close to the holidays. There was always a good chance Sirius would be in the Kitchens, or the Quidditch pitch, or the Common Room. He wished he had the map. He hoped they weren't looking at it right now, or all his thoughts on where to hide would be absolutely pointless.

As he stood there thinking unsuccessfully about where to go Manfred flew at him down the hall. He was carrying a letter in his claws which he dropped in Remus' hands before settling on his shoulder.

'Go to the Owlery Manfred, make some owl friends or something,' Remus said as he opened the letter.

_WHERE ARE YOU?_

_Sorry Moony, Padfoot doesn't understand the concept of hiding - Prongs_

_NOT FROM US I DON'T. TELL US WHERE YOU ARE SO WE CAN COME HELP. NOW._

_He can't say in a letter you idiot, and stop writing in capitals._

_HE CAN USE A PATRONUS LIKE DUMBLEDORE DOES_

_There's advanced magic and then there's advanced magic._

_MOONY COULD TOTALLY LEARN IT. HE'S MOONY_

_Padfoot stop it. Remus is taking care of his family, we will see him when we see him, and now our heartfelt letter of concern and worry is ruined by you being you._

_I WANT REMUS BACK. YOU HEAR ME REMUS. I WANT YOU BACK._

_What the hell Padfoot? Look Moony ignore him. I don't even know what's gotten into him. He's being more irritating than usual. If you need anything, anything just let us know. We thought this might be happening: Bellatrix cornered Padfoot about you, she was trying to get him to make you join them. Padfoot told her to go fuck herself. We told Dumbledore straight away, and Padfoot has been making lots ands lots of plans. Including ones which involved the two of you running away to go live in the jungle together. I asked why we weren't invited, and he said something about Lily and Snape, and hiding being more effective in a pair. I don't get him. He's not trying to fight me for the quill now which is nice. Though he is pacing about like a lunatic. I honestly didn't think anything could actually make our Padfoot worry but I stand corrected. Let us know as soon as you can what's going on. Please. I can't deal with this Padfoot._

_Prongs, Padfoot and Wormtail (Wormtail agrees with all that Prongs has said)_

Remus couldn't help but laugh all the way through the letter. They were barmy. But what Sirius had said made him wonder. Was he talking about them? Did he want him back, or did he just want Moony to be part of the marauders?

Remus frowned. His relationship with Sirius aside his friends were willing to risk everything for him. The Death Eaters knew that or why would Bellatrix have bothered talking to Sirius about him. Snape had been talking to her, was that he had been saying? The key to Remus was the marauders? If that was the case then not only were his family in trouble but so were his friends. If the Death Eaters didn't get to torture his family for him, then they'd wait till his friends went home for christmas. They'd go to the Potters.

It was never-ending. Make sure his parents were safe, they'd go after his friends, make sure they are safe, they'd go after their families. The death eaters never stopped because there wasn't a limit to how far they would go.

Remus thought hard about how much he wanted a room with Sirius' motorbike in it. Sure enough a door appeared before him. He went inside to get the bike. Sirius had thought his bike relatively safe in the room of requirement. People would have to be actively seeking his bike in order to get the room with it in. He probably shouldn't have told the marauders that, but then again who thinks their friends are going to nick their bike, especially when they prefer brooms and the floo network.

Remus didn't have a single idea about how to ride a motorbike properly or what the rules of the road for that matter. There was no way he could ride normally. He needed it to be magic. Remus withdrew his wand and started charming. If he made it out of this Sirius was likely to try and kill him.

The charm worked so well that the bike floated on it's own for a good fifteen minutes before settling into a, I'll fly when I'm told mentality. Remus was impressed with himself, he'd been wanting to try that charm on something for ages.

He thought to the room that he would love a window to go riding out of. The bricks on the far wall started turning outward rolling in on themselves. It wasn't so much a window but a massive wall in the side of the castle, but Remus wasn't complaining. It did the job.

He straddled the bike. He took a deep breath pushing the nerves away as best he could. He needed to do this. He revved the engine the way Sirius had done and he took off out of the window. For a horrifying moment the bike dropped and Remus thought his charm had failed, but the bike lurched and took off upward.

It was an interesting sensation having something weightier beneath him as he flew. Brooms were light and often uncomfortable whereas the bike actually felt good, sturdy. His charm included a nifty little invisibility function, he might not be as good at the quick and impressive spells as Sirius and James but he was excellent at slow methodical charms. Sirius and James just didn't have the patience. Neither did Wormtail for that matter, actually Wormtail would rather someone else did the spell fullstop.

The closer he got to his home the more twitchy Remus felt. How was he going to do this? Ask them really nicely to go away? Sorry but I don't agree with your politics, maybe next year if you review that murdering people thing? He couldn't just hand himself over. He didn't trust himself on the full moon and he wouldn't let them control that. Could he fight them? No he'd set a trap. He'd show them he was far more effort than he was worth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now have a book of short stories and poems I have self-published on amazon. If anyone is interested go to my website www.jfrankland.co.uk for more details.


	19. Chapter 19

‘WHERE IS HE!’ Sirius bellowed while waving the map in James’ face. Lily grabbed the paper out of his hand, but he kept staring at James.

‘I DON’T KNOW,’ James yelled back. James had been been snuggling with Lily on the chair, as usual, and seemed more annoyed that he'd been interrupted than actually concerned with the events at hand. 

‘What is this?’ Lily asked looking intently at the map. Sirius turned to look at to her; she was turning it around in her hands and examining it from all angles. Her emerald eyes were shining with curiosity. She seemed to be drinking in the magic in front of her. ‘Is this how you-’

‘Yes,’ Sirius interuppted. ‘But that’s not what’s important. What is important, that Prongs seems to be ignoring, is that the Lupins are in Dumbledore’s office right now.’ 

‘Okay?’ she said. ‘You just said Voldemort had threatened him? The Order will be helping them.’ 

‘Yes, but.... Where. Is. Moony?’ Sirius said slowly. ‘They wouldn’t have left him at home alone when the Death Eaters are after him, and so he should be in Hogwarts, but,’ and he stabbed the map with his figure to emphasise his point. ‘As you can see he is not.’  
Sirius threw is arms up in the air and went back to pacing, this whole thing was going horribly wrong and they weren't getting it. 

‘He’s doing something,’ he announced.

‘You would know,’ Lily mumbled. He ignored it.

‘No seriously, Prongs you know that Moony will blame himself for having caused the Death Eaters to threaten his family.’ 

Thankfully, it was the Christmas holidays and the Gryffindor common room was mostly absent except for the four of them. Not the Sirius much cared, he wasn’t in the mood to be at all dsicreet about the happenings. He wanted a solution and he wanted Moony and he would scream it from the top of the astronomy tower if it would get him back. 

‘He’s right,’ Lily said to James in a very reluctant tone that Sirius did not appreciate. 

‘I know,’ James grumbled. ‘Moony is probably attempting some type of self-sacrificing endeavor and I have no idea how we can stop him. Wormtail?’ 

‘Hm?’ Peter was half way through a box of bertie bott’s every flavour beans and he looked up slightly guiltily. ‘Dumbledore will fix it.’ 

‘We could just go ask?’ Lily ventured. ‘Surely if Remus has ran off to do something stupid his parents need to know?’  
Sirius was caught between mocking her and thanking her. Telling adults was not in their DNA, they spent so much time pulling pranks and getting up to general mischief and avoiding all adults. Adults came with detentions and other such punishments. 

‘That…that might work,’ Sirius said. ‘You three go without me.’

'What, why?' James sputtered. 

'Where are you going?' Lily asked, her eyes narrowing as if she was reading his mind. 

'I'm going to go home.'

* * *

It didn't take lake for him to get home all things considered. Especially since it had become very clear to him that someone had nicked his bike and it didn't take a genius to guess who. Though how Remus had managed to disable every anti-theft charm he'd put on the damn thing he didn't know. It was infuriating that the damn pain in the ass half-blood werewolf, was going around stealing his bike and using it to get in trouble with the fucking death eaters. How did you deal with that? 

Without a bike he only had the floo in Dumbledore's office. By the time Sirius had discovered his bike had been nicked and ran to the office no-one else was in sight. They had their own version of calvary to start forming he supposed. 

'13 Grimauld Place,' he yelled and the green flames licked up around him, running themselves over his body. Kreacher was the first thing he saw coming out of of the floo. He dropped the tray he was carrying. The saucers and tea cups smashed on the floor the croquery broken into pieces and dust.

'Traitor!' Kreacher yelled, 'the Traitor is home!' He ran out of the room leaving the mess of tea cups and saucers on the floor. Sirius sighed, he hadn't really expected a warmer greeting than that, but he was starting to think that house-elf was not as useful as a house-elf so much as a guard dog. 

'WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOME!' Ah the dulcet tones of his mother. How much he loved hearing those sounds. She slammed the door open to the living room her eyes immediately pinned on him. She didn't seem to notice the mess on the floor or at least she was pretending not to. He wondered if she would've preferred Kreacher for her son. It seemed to him that there wasn't much difference between him and Regulas, though Regulas was ever so slightly more handsome than the house-elf. 

'I've come to talk to you about the death-eaters,' Sirius said calmly. He watched as she clenched and unclenched her jaw. She looked like she was somewhere between killing him and ignoring him. 

'I am not a death eater,' she said simply. 'All that murdering and killing is beneath us. We _are_ superior; we do not need to prove it.' Now it was Sirius' turn to clench his jaw. Killing beneath a Black? That didn't stop her nearly killing him when he was a child. It didn't stop them exalting Bella like she was the best family relative to have ever graced the family tree. 

'I didn't call you a death eater,' Sirius corrected. 'I am hear to talk about them. The majority of our family are death eaters and your friends with the rest.'

'I have nothing to say to a blood traitor like you,' she spat. 'Get out of my house.' 

Sirius rubbed his temple with his left hand and withdrew his wand with the other. He pointed the wand straight at his mother.  
'Ok, let's try this again. I am a far more powerful wizard than you are a witch and you know it.'

'You won't kill me son it's against your principles.' 

'No one said anything about killing. But since we're on the subject the death eaters are going after someone very special to me, and do not think I won't hesitate to kill every single person in my way to get to that person. Including you. I am a Black after all, whether you claim me as one or not, and I have every bit of ruthless savagery that runs in our blood.' He hadn't realised he had been stepping closer to his mother till the wand was pressing against her sternum. She hadn't once broken her resolute glare, but he could see the sweat form along her hairline. 'There are plenty of ways for me to harm you mother without killing you. Now I just want a chat. That's all I am asking for. That's not too much is it?'

'No,' she gritted out through her yellowed teeth.

'Good,' Sirius said and smiled without lifting his wand. 'Now our dear Bella has decided to go after a friend of mine. Thinks he might be good for her cause. Have you heard anything about this?

'Why would they talk to me?'

'Don't play dumb. They all tell you their plans. Have to have one of the best pure blood families in wizardry on board right? It wouldn't do to upset you now would it. Matriarch of the Black line.'

'So what, yes they want the wolf. Why not? They want all the werewolves on their side just like Greyback, it's another way of getting what they want aside from torture and manipulation. Join us or your son, daughter, wife will be a werewolf. Or just have them ripped to shreds come full moon.' 

'Why do they want Him. He's been so committed against your cause, you think some threatening of his family, of his friends. Will convince him that he needs to help you? He never would, he's not like us mother. He's as good and pure as it gets and he'd sooner kill himself than do your bidding.' Sirius swallowed hard as he realised what he had said. He knew he was right with every shred of his being he knew he was right. Remus would kill himself rather than succumb to the death eaters. Sirius would lose him. 

'There is no win in this.' Her spittle landed on his face. 'If you think he will kill himself, then that's what he'll do, but they won't stop. They won't rest until they have him in their grasp. They can't be seen to have backed down you see. If he refuses it's not just about him anymore. Other people will get ideas that they can say no to the death eaters. Which they cannot have.'

'What will it take to stop them?' Sirius said. 'There has to be something. Can't they pretend they have him, we could go into hiding, the world would never know.'

'And why would they do that?' she asked.

'Because, we'd stop fighting you,' Sirius said. 'I'd stop, he'd stop, James would stop.'

'A bunch of teenagers? You couldn't stop the Dark Lord in your wildest dreams. He will kill all who stand against him, it is only a matter of time.' 

‘Keep thinking that all you want but I know he’s scared of us. I know because we're the next Dumbledore. We’ll be as powerful as him and we’re coming for Voldemort and he knows it.’ 

‘What you don’t realise, traitor of mine, you have given us a way of getting the ,' she said and smiled. The room lit up red and a pain exploded inside Sirius's head as he fell to the floor. 

* * *

Remus' motorbike ride was mostly uneventful. Considering he was in the sky that wasn't much of a surprise. He was too low for planes and invisible to muggle eyes, other than a few disgruntled birds he'd made the journey to the spot in no time at all. It had started to rain and the wind knocked him off course a few times. He landed in a slightly soggy state not far from where he needed to meet the death eaters. He needed a plan, but one wasn't forming in his mind. All he knew was that he needed to keep his family and friends away from this and they couldn't hide in the school forever. 

'Hello Remus,' Bellatrix sashayed out of the woods her wand out. 'Glad to see you made the right decision.' 

'It's not a decision when you're threatening the lives of the people I love is it. It's pretty much the opposite.' Remus waited for the death eaters to show but it was just her. Maybe they were downsizing

'Technicalities,' she smiled. 'We have a job for you. You do it, we'll leave you alone, for now.'

'And what is that job you ask of me? '

'The job is pretty simple Loopy Lupin. I want you to change inside hogwarts on the full moon.'

'What?' 

'You heard me. In the Grand hall. Change into a werewolf, and let the beast to the rest of the work.' 

'I could kill hundreds of children.' 

'Exactly.' 

'What purpose exactly does that serve?' 

'The Dark Lord does not need to share his plans with the likes of you.' She pointed the wand between his eyes. 

'Between negotiaters,' Remus said, 'as a sign of good faith, why does he want a werewolf to kill a number of harmless hogwarts students.'  
Bellatrix smirked.

'Contrary to what people believe Voldemort-

'Do not speak his name you are not worthy.'

Remus gave her a pointed look, 'Voldemort does not kill indiscriminantly. He wants followers, he wants servants, he wants power. He does not want a land of corpses. He wants a structure of rule with him at the top and every else below in the order he chooses. So how does this help him?'  
Bellatrix just continued to glare at him

'You don't know do you,' Remus said. 'He didn't share his plans with you, his right hand woman. Tell me, does your husband know that you're inlove with another man? Does the 'dark Lord' know how much you want him.' 

Her eyes widened and she raised her wand as if to start a spell. He drew his wand in return. 

'Let me fill you in,' Remus said. 'The news in the Daily Prophet would read, werewolf kills chidren as they sit down for their supper at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. What will the parents say? They'll ask how the werewolf got into the school. Who let the beast inside. Dumbledore. Dumbledore let the werewolf into the school, he said he would keep them safe, he said it was okay. Everyone starts to question Dumbledore, questions what he can do. They think that he is incompetant. That he has no chance against the dark lord and if he has no chance against the dark lord then the only choice is to support the dark lord. Isn't that correct. In one chess move, one move of the werewolf, he puts the king's in check.'

'Check mate,' Bellatrix hissed.'

'Not really,' Remus remarked. 'Dumbledore would continue to fight with or without Hogwarts. But I see your plan. I admit it's effective. The only question is if you can get the werewolf to do it.' 

'I suppose that depends on whether or not the werewolf wants his friends and family to die for his stupiditiy.'

'My family are being taken to a safehouse as we speak. And my friends are safe in Hogwarts. What power do you now have against me? I'll tell you what power I have against you though Bella. I could bite you. Just like Fenrir did to me, and I won't tell you when or where, and don't think I won't be able to find you. I can use Sirius's blood to find you through the blood finder charm. And suddenly you're a half breed. And Fenrir may be stupid enough to follow the Dark Lord blindly but we both know what is going to happen to the half breeds once this war is one. They are going to be lower than all the wizards, they will be put in their place if not just rounded up and slaughtered. So tell me Bella, what will your true love think of you when you're a werewolf? Will he forgive you your sins?'

Remus shrugged and brushed the damp hair that had fallen infront of his eyes away. He knew he was getting to her. But he knew this wasn't the meeting, not the one he'd been invited to this was the warm up. If he could get free here. Save his family at this point. They could get out of it alive. As soon as he was before a tribunal of death eaters he would lose. And he would die. 

'You wouldn't dare touch me,' she shrieked. 'CRUCIO'

Remus didn't have time to react. The spell hit him squarely in the chest and his body shook violently and he dropped to the ground. He screamed as his blood burned throughout him. Burning to his toes. He felt like every bone was breaking and every musles was ripping. Tiny papercuts racing under his skin as each breath was glass in his lungs. It lasted longer than he thought was posssible, he thought it would never end. 

Eventually the pain subsided and he could breathe again. He was damp from the rain but he was soaked with his own sweat too. He was shaking on the wet grass and that was all he could smell. 

'You can torture me as much as you like Bella,' Remus gasped. 'But it changes nothing.' 

'CRUCIO!' She shrieked again.

Remus yelled as he compulsed on the ground; the pain was worse the second time round. His tears burned in his eyes as he couldn't stop his heart from trying to break free of his chest.

'I'm just going to bite you more if you keep doing this,' he said to the grass which was in his mouth and nose.

'Go home werewolf. I've made our offer,' she disappritated in front of him. He wanted to breathe a sigh of relief but the air was too thick and his lungs too much on fire. He just lay there half expecting to die right there and then. He felt like he should be dying. This is what dying felt like for him anyway. Slowly he started to feel the coldness of his damp clothes start to cool his burning skin. So that’s what that felt like he thought. He understood. He understood why people gave into it. He rolled onto his back and let the rain fall against his face, his eyes closed to the sky. If she came back and threatened him again, there was every chance he would give into her. He couldn’t go through that pain again. How was he not dead? How was that much pain survivable as a human? He thought back to his time at home, his time away from Sirius, the pain a deep hollow ache in the pit of his stomach. He’d wondered then how people survive with that much pain in them. One minute at a time. One moment at a time. If you think about the future, about the large expanse of pain then you will fall into despair. But what was despair but lying on wet grass in the middle of bum fuck nowhere waiting for nothing.


	20. Chapter 20

What was Remus going to do? Bellatrix had laid down their plan, he’d thrown it back. There was nothing left for them but to play their cards on their table and see which hand won. 

‘REMUS!’ For a moment he thought the voice had come from inside his head. But he felt hands on him shaking him. He opened his eyes and tilted his head to stop the rain falling into them. He was looking into the warm eyes of his mother. He wanted to yell at her and tell her to get back to Hogwarts, why the hell had she left the safety of the school, but instead he smiled and let her pull him into her arms. She was warm and soft; his head rested against her shoulder.

‘Baby,’ she said. ‘I’ve got you. We’ve got you.’ The ‘we’ caught him by surprise and he pushed away from her to see his father, Dumbledore and the marauders. His throat felt thick as he saw them, the relief and misery mixed together like a bad cocktail in his stomach. 

‘Sirius?’ he asked. 

James looked uncomfortably at Lily as if he didn’t know how to answer Remus, which pretty much answered Remus’ question anyway. Had they really come to this? He never thought Sirius was the type to do this. To abandon his friend, surely he would’ve wanted to be a member of the calvary. That’s what he did for his friends. Remus supposed he wasn’t a friend anymore, he was an ex - hell he wasn’t even an ex-boyfriend, they hadn’t gotten that far had they. He was just ex-Moony. 

‘Let’s just get you home ey mate,’ James said eventually, Wormtail nodded so enthusiastically it looked like his head might fall off. 

‘I know,’ Remus said looking at Dumbledore. ‘I know their move.’

‘Let us wait till we are in less of an open area. I have the port key, everyone grab on.’

He held out a sock within reach so Remus wouldn’t have to stand up. Remus grabbed onto it reluctantly. His body hurt more than after a normal transition and swirly whirly relocation was not on his all time wish list. 

Once the last one, Lily, had touched the sock, his stomach wrenched him forwards and around and he hit the floor with a thud. Dumbledore’s office. Of course it was. He shouldn’t have been surprised really. 

‘Help me up,’ he said to no one in particular, his mother still had her arms around him he realised and she helped him to a chair. Damn it to hell, where was Sirius. It was wrong that he wasn't there, like a piece was missing out of their jigsaw.

‘You said you had news?’

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘They want me on a full moon to turn in the hall.’ 

‘Ah,’ Dumbledore said as his mother gasped in shock. ‘I thought a move like this might happen eventually.’ 

‘The children,’ she whispered. 

‘It’s brilliant,’ Lily said and they all turned to look at her. ‘No I mean it’s diabolical of course, but it’s brilliant, no one will trust Dumbledore after that. The order will lose all its followers and he effectively wins. The only thing we could do after that would be to actually kill he-who-must-not-be-named.’

‘Honey,’ James said in a tone that said that maybe she should be less enthusiastic about evil schemes.

 

‘The record stays the same,’ Remus said. ‘I’ll kill your family, your friends, yadda yadda.’ 

‘Well everyone is here and safe,’ Dumbledore said. ‘We’ll get a secret keeper for your family so they don’t have to stay here. How does Japan sound?’ 

‘Oo I’ve always wanted to see Mt. Fuji,’ his mother said. ‘Remus?’

‘I’m not going,’ he said. His father shook his head. 

‘What! But it’s perfect if you’re not here, then they can’t use you.’

‘I also can’t fight,’ he snapped, and ignored his mother’s eyes brightening. ‘I can’t finish school. I can’t be…well I don’t know what I want to be, but it’s certainly not a high school dropout. I stay here. But you should go.’  
She turned her head away from her, but nodded.

‘But you will contact me every single day without fail do you hear me? I am only leaving you because I can’t bare the thought of them using me to make you hurt those children.’ 

‘It’s okay, I gave Bellatrix some pause for thought for the moment on whether or not she wants to continue this path to me,’ Remus said with as much of a smile as he could muster.

‘Erm,’ James interrupted. ‘This is all great, but us all being here and protected is kind of not true.’

‘Mr Potter?’ Dumbledore asked. ‘Do you have some new information?’

‘Well, you see, it wasn’t exactly me that realised that Remus wasn’t here. It might’ve been Sirius, he was looking for you on the map you see, and he ….erm….might have left the castle to help.’ 

Dumbledore frowned at them. ‘I wondered where Mr.Black was. Do you happen to know where he has gone, and why he seems to have some objection to staying within the castle walls when he is supposed to?’

James bit his lip and looked to Lily again. Remus was silent. So Sirius had been the one to notice he had gone, and he’d gone to help in another way? He hadn’t abandoned him? But the silence was drawing on too long, moving like a noose around Remus’ neck.

‘Someone answer him,’ Remus snapped making his mother jump. ‘Where is Sirius?’ 

James looked shocked that Remus had yelled at him.

‘Sirius went home,’ Lily answered instead. ‘He didn’t tell us why.’

‘Home?’ Remus said stupidly. ‘As in…’

‘As in the Black household.’

‘He said he’d never go back,’ Remus said. ‘He said…’ Remus stopped he didn’t want to reveal Sirius’ secrets about his family, secrets they’d all guessed at. ‘He wouldn’t, he couldn’t.’ 

‘He did,’ Lily said staring right at him. ‘He went back, for you.’ Everyone was looking between Lily and Remus trying to find the piece they were all missing. 

‘We need to get him back!’ Remus stood up and nearly fainted. James caught him before he hit the deck. 

‘I’m getting a strange case of deja vu here where Padfoot is replaced by Moony. Sit Moony before you kill yourself. Sirius will be back.  
He’s probably just trying to get info that he can use against the death eaters. His family might be terrible, but they’re his family they aren’t going to hurt him.’ 

‘Look,’ Remus said. ‘I said I would never tell anyone, but you don’t know everything about his family and him.’

‘Knock it off Moony, Padfoot he tells me everything.’

‘No he doesn’t,’ Remus said and hated himself for saying it. ‘He doesn’t. His family won’t hesitate to hurt him. If they can get away with it without it making them look like they killed their own son then they would murder him in a second and laugh over his corpse.’ 

‘What did he tell you about his family?’ James asked.

Lily put a hand on James’ shoulder, ‘Don’t make him tell you. That’s not fair to Padfoot.’

‘Why wouldn’t he tell me?’ 

‘Because your Prongs and Padfoot, together you’re magnificent partners in crime, you’re unstoppable, you’re hilarious, you’re enviable, you’re desirable. The Sirius that talked to me was none of those things, and he wouldn’t dare be less of those of things for you.’

James shook his head and shrugged his shoulder from Lily. Dumbledore was unusually quiet. 

‘Ah, I see,’ his mother said and Remus turned to look at her. She was looking at him like a puzzle. 

‘What?’ his father asked. ‘What do you see?’

This was it Remus thought, this is when he gets outed in front of everyone, because he knew without a doubt what his mother had realised. She placed a hand on his cheek. 

‘My beautiful baby,’ she said. ‘You never could ever chose an easy path could you?’ She had tears in her eyes. 

‘Mr. Lupin,’ Dumbledore interrupted. ‘Do you honestly think the Blacks will hurt him.’

‘Yes. But how much I don’t know. They won’t want people to look down on them, so unless he says something to push them he’d be fine… I think’

‘Mr and Mrs Lupin are you okay to wait while we arrange another rescue party.’

‘Yes I would like to see Sirius back safely before we go,’ she said and there was an unspoken and I want a word with him that only Remus heard. 

‘He’ll be fine,’ James mumbled to himself, ‘He’s Padfoot. He’s Padfoot.’ 

Remus felt sick to his stomach. Sirius had gone back to the one place he hated for him. Had gone back to face his mother, and he could be killed for it. And even if he wasn’t, even if the visit was exactly as James’ imagined it being, he was still back in the vipers nest of his past. Why would he do that for him? Why? He wanted to scream. He wanted to screech so loudly it’d break all the windows in the castle and they’d lay in pieces all around them. 

‘Try sending an Owl first,’ Dumbledore said. ‘And Mr. Pettigrew could you please go fetch me Regulus Black.’  
Wormtail nodded glumly, he had a distinct bored look on his face, but he muddled off nonetheless. Remus had snatched a quill from Dumbledore’s desk and was already penning the letter to send to Sirius. 

_Padfoot,_

_I’m at the castle. Stop what you’re doing. It’s not worth it. Come back._

_Moony._

He folded the letter and handed it to Dumbledore who had written one to Mrs Black

_Mrs Black,_

_We are unable to locate the whereabouts of your son and believe him to have returned to your residence. Could you please inform us if he is there and well as we are deeply concerned._

_Yours Sincerely,_   
_Albus Dumbledore_   
_Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry._

He passed the letters to Lily and she rushed off without a word. 

‘I’ll go,’ Remus said. 

‘You will do no such thing,’ Dumbledore said. ‘They want you. Not just to hurt you, but to destroy our attempts to defeat him. There is more than just your lives at stake here. There are countless students lives that I will not gamble. You will go nowhere where they can reach you. Do you hear me Mr.Lupin. I know you want to save him. But this is about the bigger picture.’

‘How can you say that!’ He stood him again and fought the urge to fall back over. ‘You sent a search party for me! Not because I’m your student, but because I’m the one that damages your fucking cause? It doesn’t matter if Sirius dies right. Because _he_ can’t be used against you.’

‘REMUS,’ his mother yelled. ‘You will not talk to anyone that way. I know you don’t want to hear it, but Dumbledore is right. You can’t go anywhere. We will rescue Sirius, we just have to do it without you. That’s all he is saying.’ 

Remus was still angry, but he sat back down anyway. Why didn’t they care more? How could they race after him but not Sirius. 

‘Moony,’ James said. ‘I’ll get Padfoot back, he’ll never forgive you if he’s gone to his family to help you and you throw yourself in their hands.’ 

Remus breathed slowly. James was right. Sirius wouldn’t forgive him, but he could live with Sirius hating him if he was alive. Was this how Sirius had felt? Did he feel this desperation, this need to fuck the cause and everything else to do whatever it took to get him back? 

‘I will go to the Blacks with Mr Potter and we’ll see what is going on,’ Dumbledore said. ‘For now I want you to rest.’ 

‘What? You’re sending me to bed?’ Remus snarled.

‘That curse takes it out of people, go to bed, rest. You’re no good to anyone in the state you’re in.’ 

‘Curse?’ His mother asked. 

‘It’s nothing,’ Remus quickly said and glared at Dumbledore. ‘Fine. I’ll go rest, but you tell me the minute you get back.’ 

* * *

Sirius woke up in what he recognised as his old bedroom. His head was throbbing and he remembered the red light and he knew he’d been fucking stupifeyed. But he didn’t know why they’d stuck him in his room and not just thrown him out into the street. What was that his mother had said before he gotten knocked onto his ass. They had a way of getting to Remus? Like fuck. Remus was stronger than any of them had given him credit for. And he would show them all.

He got up from the floor they had left him on, of course they hadn't even bothered to put him in his damn bed. The posters of motorcycles and girls in bikinis that surrounded him were frayed at the edges. A few had red writing scrawled across them, 'Die Blood Traitor.' 'Muggle loving scum.' He wondered whether it was his mother or Kreacher who had taken the liberties of decorating his room. He reached into his pocket as a matter of instinct, but it wasn't there. He uesslessly patted down the rest of his body looking, searching. He looked around himself, on the bed, on the floor, but it was no use. They had taken his wand. He kicked the bottom of the bed. 

'You fuckers give me back my fucking wand!' He yelled to no effect, he charmed his room a long time ago to be sound proof. It was interesting that this was coming back to bite him in the ass now. He stupidly tried the door, but of course it was spelled shut.  
He sat on the edge of his bed and groaned. Sirius held his head in his hands, what could he do? He was held hostage by his own fucking family of murderous crazy wizards. This was not how it was supposed to go. His mother was supposed to tell him what they wanted with Remus so he could stop it before it go too far. He wasn't supposed to get blindsighted by whoever had shown the fuck up. He bet it was Regulus. That dimwit. 

There was a knock at his window. He glanced up and saw a tiny grey owl pecking at the window. It had little white specks like someone had splattered white paint at it. Sirius tried to open the window, but unsurprisingly it too was locked. He hit his head against the window and the owl flew away a few feet startled. It had a letter.

_Padfoot_

It was from them. 

'Hey Mr.owl,' Sirius called. 'Come back' 

The Owl titled it's head to the side slightly.

'Show me the letter,' Sirius coaxed. It was getting him nowhere. He looked around his room for something to help. He reached to his desk and grabbed an envelope off the top. He gestured opening the letter. Then pointed at the owl, then back at the letter. The owl was still looking at him like he was crazy. Maybe he was, he was playing a game of charades with a damn owl. The owl held the letter in its beak and ripped the envelope with its claws. At one point Sirius thought he might just destroy the letter doing that, but the owl moved closer to the window, he could just make out the writing. Moony. Moony was alive and back at the castle. Sirius grinned and laughed, get in Remus. He made it back. He fell back on his bed laughing, Remus was safe, the stupid bastards couldn't get to him now, He'd outwitted their tiny pea-sized brains. 

'Hear that you morons! Remus is safe!'


	21. Chapter 21

Remus lay down on his bed. First he tried lying on his back, but the mattress felt hard and lumpy. He twisted onto his right side, but now he could see the wall, and he hadn’t seen the wall on his right side in a long time. So he turned onto his left and saw the empty bed, which was worse than the wall. He turned onto his back again. The last time he was in this bed Sirius had been on the right side of him. Sirius’ arms had been around Remus and his head had rested on Sirius' chest listening to the steady heartbeat. Sirius had been snoring. What he wouldn't give to hear that annoying sound right then, to hear that half snore, half bark that happened when Sirius had drank too much and was out for the count. He looked at the potion in his hands that Dumbledore had given him, it was a sleeping draught. He supposed he needed that the most right now, there was no way he was sleeping without it. He threw the lot down his neck. It was sweet and acrid, the two tastes dancing in the back of his throat, like a cough drop that had been left to go out of date. He curled up on the other pillow and closed his eyes smelling the earthy scent of Sirius. 

_Sirius' fingers stroked the side of Remus’ face; Sirius’s thumb ran along Remus’ lip. Remus resisted the urge to bite the thumb._

_'Where are you Sirius?' Remus asked. Sirius kissed Remus’ neck with soft butterfly kisses. Remus wanted to close his eyes and just feel the mouth against him. He was warm and delirious; he could smell marshmallows and cupcakes._

_'You know where I am Moony,' Sirius replied. 'My moony.' He continued kissing Remus' neck._

_'Are you safe?' Remus asked. 'Have they hurt you.'_

_'I'm here aren't I?’_

_'I'm dreaming. You're not here. You're with them. They have you.'_

_'Stop worrying Moony. You're always worrying.' Sirius had one hand in Remus' hair while the other ran up and down his back._

_'Why did you go?' Remus half sobbed. 'Why would you go back to them after all this?’_

_‘I thought my family could be useful for once and I'd be able to save you Moony.'_

_'But - '_

_'Stop talking Moony, you're ruining it.'_

_Remus stopped talking and let dream Sirius love him. Sirius kissed his collar bone, his jawline, his lips. Remus' hand crept under Sirius’ shirt and he felt the warm skin beneath his finger tips. Sirius was pulling Remus' shirt off and he let him. Sirius was kissing his ribs his chest, there wasn't an inch of him that Sirius wasn't loving with his tiny kisses. Remus felt hot liquid run down his cheeks._

* * *

Sirius had failed several times to smash the window and break down the door, his old room was in pieces from where he'd smashed things apart to make things to break other things, but his stupid mother must have realised what he'd do because the doors and windows were spelled to be unbreakable. Or at least that is what his shattered remains of a room concluded.

'Kreacher!' Sirius yelled kicking the door some more because he could. The grumpy house elf appeared behind him.

'Yes,' he sneered.

'Why is my mother keeping me here?' Sirius asked turning to face the elf. Kreacher's lip curled in away that reminded him of Snape, 'I do not know Mistresses plans. And I would not share with them with a filthy mudblood lover.’

'You’re the scum of the earth, did you know that?’ Sirius said. 'I am still a Black and you still have to answer to me!'

Kreacher looked like he'd consider murdering Sirius. Sirius would relish the fight, he needed somewhere for all the pent up energy buzzing under his skin to go. 

'Tell me how to get out of this room,' Sirius demanded.

'It's impossible. Everything is charmed so you will remain in here.' 

'Get me my wand,' Sirius ordered. 

'Kreacher does not know where your wand is. Mistress hid it from you and from me. She knew you would ask me.' Sirius growled and kicked the bed. He searched around his room for anything that could help escape. His eyes caught sight of the owl still perched on the branch outside the room.

'Fine. Get me some parchment, a quill and some ink.’ 

'What?' Kreacher looked at his feet as if searching for a way to say no to Sirius. 

'As your master I command it.' 

‘As you wish,' he snapped his fingers and the items appeared in his hands. He passed them to Sirius and then popped out of the room, which was fine by Sirius, he didn't need the elf skulking around while he tried to write this letter.

_Moony_

_I'm so glad you're safe. Don't run off again you hear me! I'm at my mother's house and she's locked me in my own bedroom, can you believe it! She has my wand somewhere as well that stupid bint. Please send rescue party to storm the gates. Not that I'm a princess in a tower, but my mother is kind of a dragon. Don't go running off to Death Eaters on your own anymore okay!_

_Padfoot._

Now how was he going to get this letter to the owl outside. He could call Kreacher back but the stupid elf would proably ignore him. Or bring tea spike with the living death. 

He was pondering exactly how to do all this without magic when he head a loud crash from downstairs. He rushed to his door and pressed his ear against the cold wood. 

'Professor Dumbledore,' he heard his mother shriek. So Prongs had told them where he had gone, thank god for that. 

'Hello Mrs. Black,' he said. 'You did not respond to my correspondence and I wanted to check upon the safety of your son.' 

‘Regulus is at Hogwarts,' she snapped. 

'Not Regulas, your other son. Where is Sirius, Wellburga?' 

‘He has left home, I suppose you'll find him elsewhere,’ she remarked flippantly. 'He is a lost cause that boy and he is not my son.’ 

‘Bitch.’ 

‘PRONGS!’ Sirius yelled at the top of his voice. But the silence from downstairs showed no one had heard him. The room was soundproofed and he knew it. 

‘Mr. Potter please,’ Dumbledore replied. ‘I am sorry for his outburst, you see we would very much like to find Sirius and I should clarify, we know he came here.’

Yes they did know he was here. 

‘How? As I have not seen him, and he is not welcome here.’

Bitch! LIAR! BITCH! LIAR!

‘I see,’ Dumbledore said. What did he see? ‘We have overstayed our welcome Potter let’s go.’ 

‘What!’ he heard James yell. ‘What about Sirius, this bitch is lying. He was coming here to find out what you know about the Death Eaters and Remus and I know you have him.’

‘I do not associate with Death Eaters, please get out of my home.’ 

‘Come now Potter, we shall look for Sirius elsewhere.’ 

‘NO!’ Sirius yelled and banged on his door. ‘I’M UP HERE YOU IDIOTS. I’M HERE DON’T LISTEN TO HER. KREACHER!’

There was no answer.

‘KREACHER AS YOUR MASTER YOU WILL APPEAR BEFORE ME.’ 

Kreacher appeared, ‘Yes.’ 

‘As your master I command you to tell Albus Dumbledore and James Potter that I am locked in my bedroom.’ 

‘I cannot. I have been commanded by my to mistress never to tell anyone where you are.’ 

‘Shit,’ Sirius cursed. ‘Fine. I command you to give this letter to James Potter immediately’ 

Kreacher yanked the letter out of Sirius’ hands and vanished.

‘Kreacher?’ he heard his mother gasp in shock. 

‘Potter I have a message.’

‘No!’ His mother commanded. 

‘Please Mrs Black let us hear, he might know where Sirius is. Surely you want to know so as to have suspicion cast away from you.’ 

Ha! Take that mother. 

‘Sirius Black wants me to give you this letter.’ 

‘Where is he?’ Prongs demanded.

‘I do not know,’ Kreacher replied. ‘Here is a letter he left with me.’

’Then how did he give you the message?’

‘He is not here!’ his mother snapped. ‘Will you please get out of my home.’ 

The next thing he heard was someone leaving using the Floo. He knew his letter was addressed to Remus, but had James seriously not read that thing? What the hell? What were they doing just up and leaving on him. Sirius slumped against the door, his head resting on his knees. How in Merlin’s name was he going to get himself out of this one?

He heard the mumble of a spell being chanted on the other side of the door. He only just managed to scurry to the other side of the room before it was slammed open. Bellatrix walked in, wearing her customary black ensemble. Her hair was coiffed perfectly in a jet waterfall. Hell even he knew his cousin was attractive, it was just a shame she was such a crazy bitch. 

‘Oh goody, the reason I’ve been kidnapped,’ he said. ‘Were you the one who stunned me’

She didn’t say anything just she walked in and sat in his desk chair. 

‘The silent treatment Bella?’ he shook his head. ‘Aren’t we a little old for that. I didn’t steal your doll this time.’ 

‘You,’ she smiled. ‘You’re an idiot.’ 

Sirius for once kept his mouth shut. 

‘I met with Remus last night,’ she said. Sirius clenched his jaw. ‘He’s getting desperate. You should’ve heard the threats he came out with. I was worried there for a moment. Thought he might’ve been right. Even after a little crucio he remained steadfast.’ 

‘You did what?’ Sirius started for her, but her wand was out and pointed at him.

‘None of that muggle violence thank you very much. Kindly sit on the bed, thank you. Now where was I. Oh yes I remember. So Remus plays his hand well. Too well. I think we might have lost him. Maybe we should think of another plan. But then you. You idiot, the joker of the pack play right into our hands. It didn’t take much persuasion of Aunty Black to ask her to give you to us. She was rather happy to be of help actually.’

‘What do you want with me?’ Sirius forced out through his clenched jaw. ‘I’m nothing to any of you.’ 

‘See that’s where you’re wrong. I thought about the way you defended that werewolf to me. I know devotion when I see it. You’ve delivered me the key to getting that werewolf to do exactly what I want him to do, and that key is you.’ 

She got up and walked towards him, her wanted still pointed at him. She twirled a bit his hair in her fingers.

‘You finally have some use to this family. It’s about time. I was beginning to think I was going to have to kill you and leave you to the buzzards.’

‘Bitch.’

‘Sticks and stones dear cousin. I’ve written the letter, let’s see what you think.’

_Werewolf,_  
I have Sirius Black, and I will torture him everyday until you transform in the grand hall.  
Bellatrix Lestrange 

 

‘Christmas you stupid bitch,’ he snapped.  
‘What?’   
‘The next full moon is Christmas. There won’t be anyone in the grand hall. Your stupid plan will fail. Not to mention he will have told Dumbledore already and he will be preparing for that eventually. I bet, he’ll evacuate all the children come the full moon.’ 

‘Hm good point dear cousin,’ she said sweetly. She looked at her letter and scribbled some more notes. 

_Werewolf,_  
I have Sirius black, and I will torture him everyday until you transform in the grand hall on January full moon. Do not tell anyone as to the change of the date or I will kill him.’  
Bellatrix 

‘How about this one?’ 

‘You’re going to torture me for two months? Regardless of whether he says yes or no? That’s not good blackmail.’ 

‘Maybe not, but it’s more fun for me.’ She grinned and Sirius rolled his eyes.

‘What happened to I’m still family and I won't kill you till you step out of line nonsense you were spotting last month,’ Sirius asked. 

‘Situation has changed. He is more valuable than you are. And as long as I have you he isn’t going to make good on his threats either.’ 

She looked very smug with herself, which was one of the only expression she did wear. 

‘Moony threatened you? Good on him,’ Sirius remarked. He always wanted to protect Remus. He saw Remus’ kind heart and wanted nothing more than to defend every one from hurting him. To make sure they bruised Sirius before they even touched Remus. It was so much a part of Sirius, running deep in his marrow, that he forgot the Remus could take care of himself. He was strong, he was a werewolf for merlin’s sake, and he was more than a capable wizard. Of course he didn’t go to the Death Eaters to roll over like the dog they thought he was. 

‘He did the nerve of that half breed,’ Bellatrix snarled. 

‘What did he threaten you with cousin mine?’ Sirius said absently. ‘Not with magic, he’s not as ruthless to outfight you.’ 

She looked at him pointedly. He wasn’t wrong then. Not magic. 

‘He’d bite you,’ Sirius said and the twitch at Bellatrix eye gave the game away. ‘Ah and Voldypants wouldn’t want his right hand woman as a snarly wolf now would he.’ 

Her face turned a delightful shade of red and Sirius was so proud of Remus he wanted to run into his arms and kiss the living daylights out of him. His wolf was a genius. Sirius laughed.

‘Having me won’t stop him from biting you, he’s more likely to do it now.’ 

‘Enough,’ she snapped and a jet of red hit him between the eyes.

* * *

‘Remus wake up!’ James was shaking him. Remus sat up.

‘Sirius!’

‘His mother has him the bitch,’ James snapped. ‘Here read this. It was addressed to you.’ James thrust a letter under Remus’ nose so fast he nearly gave Remus a paper cut. Remus took the letter from and started to read. He reread the letter a few times and let the words sink in that Sirius was alive and at least somewhat okay. 

‘Why haven’t you gotten him?’ Remus asked. 

‘Because he’s not there anymore,’ James said. ‘By the time we did manage to get a look in on his room he was gone. Packed up and shipped off. He had definitely been there, the place was smashed to bits like he’d been trying to escape.’ 

‘Where to?’ James clambered onto his bed and Peter followed. 

‘That’s the questions isn’t it,’ James said. ‘We know who though.’

‘Do we?’ Peter asked looking between the two of them. 

‘The Death Eaters have him,’ James said. ‘His own fucking family sold him to them. Actually not even sold, gave him up like a christmas present.’ 

‘Why?’ Peter asked. 

‘Me,’ Remus said groaning. ‘To use against me.’ He had a bitter taste in his mouth, like the sleeping draught only less sweet. 

‘This isn’t your fault Remus,’ James interjected. ‘Sirius was the one who ran off.’

‘Don’t blame him!’ Remus snapped. ‘He went back to them, for me, to save me. That stupid idiot.’ 

Remus growled and yanked at his hair with his hands. He brought his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them.

‘What is with you two?’ he heard James ask.

Remus looked up at James; he didn’t have the energy to hide the despair that he knew was showing. 

‘Look, I want him back: more than anything. But the way he acted when you had vanished, the way you’re acting now. You’re not yourselves. The first thing either of you think about is each other. All sense goes out the window’

Remus sighed, ‘It would be the same if any of you would be gone.’

‘No it wouldn’t,’ James said. ‘He’s my best friend. He’s my brother. I need him not to be with the Death Eaters. But your eyes Remus.’

They said nothing and Peter looked between them both so fast he probably sprained his neck. Remus could feel his eyes burn. How could he answer a question he didn’t have the answer to? He didn’t know what they were. He’d broken it off before that had been discovered. He put his forehead to his knees again. 

‘I love him,’ Remus said to his knees and the sound was muffled.

‘We all love him,’ James said. 

‘No. I _love_ him,’ Remus said again. ‘I… I don’t know how Sirius feels. I never did. But we…’ God how did he do this, how did tell his best friends that he wasn’t the person they thought he was. ‘We were….’

‘Together,’ James finished. Remus’ head snapped up and Peter’s jaw dropped open. ‘You’ve been screwing.’ 

Remus winced at James’ words. Peter’s jaw stayed open. 

‘How?’ James said. ‘How long?’

‘A month, after the thing with Snape,’ Remus said. 

‘What! How did we not know about this!’ James yelled and Remus shrank back into the pillows. 

‘We were worried what you’d think. It’s not exactly normal. I thought Sirius would get bored and move on and I couldn’t bare if the marauders were ruined over something that was trivial.’ 

‘You love him?’ James questioned.

‘I always have,’ Remus said. ‘Lily knows.’ 

‘How the hell does my girlfriend know what my best friends are up to before me?’ 

Peter had yet to move or speak. 

‘She figured it out, we didn’t have to tell her, she noticed. Don’t be mad at her I asked her not to tell anyone.’ James’ eyes widened and he cursed.

‘That’s when he demanded to talk to Lily and he was weird and said it was about a potion’s essay. He must’ve wanted to talk about you.’ 

‘When was this?’ Remus asked.

‘The night you left,’ he said pointing his finger a Remus. 

‘I ended it that night,’ Remus said. ‘He never felt the same way.’

‘Did he say that?’ James asked.

‘No he didn’t need to. It’s Padfoot. He doesn’t do relationships remember. He just fucks and moves on.’

‘Yeah but he’s never fucked a guy before and certainly not one of us,’ James said and Peter finally moved his head in a nod. 

‘He still sees me as just a friend Prongs. He sees me as Moony, and a Moony he kisses, but thats about it.’ 

James was silent for a moment. ‘I’m pissed at you. I’m pissed at him. You both should have told us when this started. You should’ve trusted us. But I think you’re wrong.’ 

‘What?’

‘You weren’t there when you’d left. I saw the look of confusion and hurt in his eyes when he demanded to speak to Lily. I saw how he was when he realised you were missing. He stared at the map, waiting for you to return. Stared at it. He damn near hexed Wormtail for trying to borrow it. He was planning to run away with you to keep you safe. He faced his mother for you.’ 

‘It’s because-’

‘Don’t you dare say it’s because we’re marauders because that isn’t it. He'd never be so stupid for the rest of us,’ James interrupted. ‘Actually now that I think about it, it all makes sense. I think Padfoot’s been in love with you as long as you’ve been in love with him. He was always so protective over you. And the way he reacted when you got a girlfriend. It makes perfect sense.’ 

James were grinning so much; Peter looked like he was about to cry. 

‘It doesn’t matter,’ Remus said. ‘They still have him, and they are going to use him to force me to do exactly what they want.’ 

‘You can’t,’ James said all matter of fact. 

‘What do you mean I can’t? I can’t let them hurt him.’

‘You have to. Sirius won’t forgive himself if you let yourself hurt anyone to save him. Sirius would want you to fight them. Trust us that we’ll rescue him, or that he’ll get out on his own.’

There was a screech and Remus covered his ears against the sound. A black hawk flew into the room; a letter clutched in its talons. It dropped the letter on the floor next to the bed and stared at Remus with it’s jet beady eyes. A shiver ran down Remus’ spine and he reached for the letter addressed to the werewolf. The hawk started and Remus flinched, but it was only taking off and out of the room. 

‘Three guesses who that thing belongs to,’ James mumbled. Remus wasn’t really listening, he was opening the letter. He took one glance and showed it to the others regardless of the inked warning. 

‘Ah, well we saw this coming,’ James said, throwing the letter on the floor. ‘What are we going to do about it?’  
Peter apparently hadn’t finished reading it and went scurrying after it.

‘Wormtail, what did Regulus say?’ Remus asked. Peter was half hanging off the bed reading the letter, he turned to look at Remus. 

‘Hadn’t been home, didn’t know what was going on. Didn’t care to help if his brother was going to be so stupid.’ Peter clambered back on to the bed with the letter in his hands and settled back into his comfy spot. 

‘Brilliant,’ Remus said. ‘Anybody know where Bellatrix would hide him?’ 

‘No,’ James said. ‘But Snivellus might. He’s been all kinds of buddy buddy with her hasn’t he.’ 

‘Yeah sure, Snape will help rescue Padfoot,’ Remus sighed.

‘No, but he might help if Lily asked him,’ James said. Remus nodded, but he didn’t think Bellatrix would be stupid enough to let anyone know where she was taking her prisoner. Anyone could be tortured for information. Better no one knew at all. Voldemort probably didn’t even know. But that, he bet, was based more out of Bellatrix not wanting to tell him in case it failed. 

‘So we’re going to ask Snape?’ Remus asked. ‘Why not use Regulus as well?’

‘Erm…because of what he said earlier,’ Peter ventured with a cheery smile.

‘No I don’t mean ask him,’ Remus said. ‘I mean use his blood to find him. Blood tracker spell.’ 

‘And how do you supposed we get his blood without him knowing?’ James asked with a hint of sarcasm.

‘Hey, you’re the pranking genius, you should know,’ Remus huffed; tiredness washing over him again. He rubbed his temples, why were they even having this conversation in his bed. And what’s worse was the missing voice that was deafening in their ears. How were they going to come up with their scheme without Sirius? James looked at Remus and he knew he saw it too. James needed Sirius to bounce ideas off of, to throw caution to the wind together, and Remus was the caution they often threw. Thats how there group worked worked. How could they figure it out with our him?

There was a knock on the door to the dorm and Lily poked her head around the door.

‘I got tired of waiting in the common room for you,’ Lily said walking in. ‘I know you’re not used to having girlfriends that can actually think for themselves, but I would like to be included in on this discussion.’

Lily shoved at James till he moved over to let her on the bed. 

‘Sorry its Moony’s fault,’ James said with wide droopy eyes. Remus wanted to barf.

‘How is it my fault? You jumped onto my bed!’ Remus declared. 

‘Yes because you were sleeping,’ James agreed. ‘Ergo it is your fault.’ Remus sighed and wished it was Sirius he was arguing with. 

‘We need you to talk to Sniverr-Snape,’ James said and Lily’s lips pursed slightly. 

‘Please,’ Remus added. ‘We need to know what he knows about Bellatrix.’

‘He won’t tell us,’ she said with a shrug. ‘He won’t tell me.’

‘Our only other option is to steal Regulus’ blood and to do that blood tracker spell,’ Remus said. 

‘Good, but we still should know what Snape knows,’ she said and chewed her lip.

‘Yes but you just said he wouldn’t tell us.’ 

‘Yes I know I said that. But Bellatrix might tell him,’ she said.

‘How does that help us Lily?’ James said. Lily glared at him.

‘Don’t take that tone with me. It helps because one of us could look like Snape.’ 

Remus looked at Lily closely then. Sat on his bed next to James with a look of a smug cat on her face. She’d slotted herself so perfectly into their boys club. Where other girls had demanded and wailed, mostly at Sirius, Lily had just become one of them. With her warm eyes and bright smile, it was like she was the puzzle piece they hadn’t realised they were missing. 

‘You can make a polyjuice potion?’ Remus asked. It was a complex potion, one that took months to brew effectively. ‘We might not have enough time.’ 

‘Yes of course I could make a polyjucie potion,’ she pursed her lips again. ‘But you’re right we don’t have time to sit around and wait. Slughorn has some. He sells it.’ 

‘Do I want to know how much for?’ Remus winced.

‘I’ve got it,’ James said. Matter of fact. As if it wasn’t going to cost the amount of money Remus’ his parents made in a single month. ‘What? Don’t look at me like that. It’s for Sirius. I would sell my kidney if it would sing us a song telling us where to go find him.’ Peter snorted in the corner.

‘Fine you and Lily go do that, but leave me the invisibility cloak.’

‘You’ve already nicked it once,’ James pouted.

‘If I’m going to go trying to sneak Regulus’ blood, I’m going to need to remain unseen aren’t I?’ 

‘I suppose.’ 

‘Okay that’s it; the plan is settled. Me and James will got the polyjuice potion and Snape’s hair. You and Peter can go find Regulus get his blood and see if that can lead us to Sirius. If the spell works, we can get a meeting between Snape and Bellatrix so as to get her out of whether it is she’s hiding him.’ 

‘Wow,’ James said his eyes wide with wonder at the girl next to him.

‘Don’t start snogging on my bed,’ Remus mumbled.

‘Well apparently you’ve been doing enough of that yourself,’ James replied. ‘And don’t think I’m not still mad about that. Cause I most certainly am, and as soon as Padfoot is back I am going to be having words with you two. All this sneaking around and not telling the marauders indeed. Not to mention it was after Padfoot had been so bloody stupid and nearly killed Snape and had you sent to Askaban.’

‘Don’t,’ Remus interrupted. ‘Yes it was monumentally stupid that he did that. But he did it for me. Snape threatened me and he lashed out. You should have seen him when he found me. The look in his eyes. I can’t, just don’t blame him for that anymore okay. You have to let it go.’ 

‘Fine,’ James agreed. ‘No sense arguing about it now anyhow, we have work to do. Come on sweetheart, let’s go buy some overly priced nose grease.’ Lily slapped him on the arm with a glare, ‘None of that either.’ 

‘You all take the fun out of everything. Okay let’s get going. Good luck you too.’

Lily got off the bed and James scrabbled after her. He smartened up his clothes and gave them one meaningful salute and left the form. Lily gave a half wave and followed after him.

‘Ay Wormtail, who ever would have thought she would have so easily just become one of us.’  
Peter didn’t answer and Remus looked at him to see him glaring at where Lily had been sitting.. 

‘What’s wrong?’

‘It’s not the marauders any more if she’s in it.’ 

‘Of course it is.’ 

‘She’s a girl,’ Peter stressed.

‘Yes but she’s an amazing girl. And we’d be lucky to gave her in our group. What’s a matter with you.’ 

‘Nothing.’


	22. Chapter 22

Peter was pressed against Remus under the cloak, which wouldn't have been so bad if didn't also smell like mince pies. Remus hadn't eaten yet and hadn't eaten since... well he couldn't remember the last time he had something to eat and his stomach was clearly unimpressed with the situation. Not that he blamed it, he was starting to get unimpressed with it too, but every time he contemplated going and getting something to eat, he reminded himself that maybe Sirius wasn't eating and how could he be so selfish, so he carried on. And here they were under the invisibility cloak in the grand hall waiting for the appearance of Regulus Black. Their plan wasn't exactly their magnum opus, given that they were just going to prick him with a knife and then leg it, but really what else could they do. Peter had thought about asking Regulus and Remus hadn't thought that was too bad a plan, but he could say no then, and if he said no they were then backed in a corner, or worse he could tell Bellatrix what they were up to. Remus held the knife in his hand and it was shaking. He had charmed the knife so that if he cut someone it would draw in their blood and store it. Only a little, but that was all they needed anyway.

  
There was a lot of chatter in the grand hall, everyone was excited that the Christmas holidays were on their way, and they were all talking about where they were going. They talked about what they were getting; wondering if they’d have that broom they'd asked for. It was painful thinking about it. To think about all the warmth they would have while he transformed into the thing he hated. And Sirius was held prisoner. None of this was acceptable.

  
A group of Slytherins made their way to the table, but Regulus wasn't amongst them.

'Regulus eats breakfast right?' Peter whispered.

'Shut up,' Remus hissed back. The last thing they needed was for the Slytherins to spot them. Remus stomach grumbled at that point and the nearest two Slytherins looked at each other questioningly. He could feel Peter's glare, but ignored him. He saw Regulus was heading their way. Remus moved them a little bit closer to where Regulus had decided to take a seat. He knelt close to the floor by his ankle and did a quick slice and yanked Peter back. Regulus leapt up and looking around him.

'Reg? What's up?'

'Nothing I thought something cut me,' he said. There was an obvious faint red line on his ankle; the knife had taken all the blood evidence. He looked around and for a moment Remus felt Regulus's eyes on him, but then they passed over him, Remus let out the breath he was holding. They headed over to the Gryffindor table and whipped the cloth off when they were sure no one was looking.

'Did it work?' Peter asked staring at the blade.

'It worked. Come on let's do the charm,' he said. 'Let's see if we can find Sirius. Peter nodded but went to grab a seat at the table.

'Wormtail? We got to go?' he said,

'Padfoot wouldn't begrudge us breakfast,' he said with wide puppy eyes that didn't suit his animagus at all.

'Bellatrix could be doing anything to him. Anything.' Remus reminded him. 'Grab some toast and lets go.'

Peter huffed, but did as he was told. Remus also leant over a grabbed a couple of slices. He scoffed them on the way to the common room.

'Ok everyone should be at breakfast,' he said. 'So we should have peace in the common room. we might need Prongs to do the spell,' Remus said. 'Lily too, it's powerful magic.'

'They'll be in the common room,' Wormtrail said. Remus ignored the tone, he didn't have time to convince Peter that Lily was part of the group right now. He would have to do it later, or get James or Sirius to do it, he wasn't very good at the whole convincing people of things thing. That was more a Padfoot job. Sure enough James and Lily were sat in front of the fire. Lily had a potion in her hands which he guessed was the polyjuice potion.

'Did you get the hair?' he asked,

'Lily had one,' James grumbled.

'Stop that,' she argued while reading something from a textbook. 'He was my friend for years.'

'I bet I could get one of your hairs easily from my things,' Remus shrugged.

'That is not the point Moony,' he said.

'No, the point is that we have what we need to save Sirius so can everyone keep their whingings to themselves until after the rescue in which case you can about everything and anything for as much as your hearts content.'

'Who else is whinging?' Lily asked.

'It's not important,' Remus stressed, mostly because he didn't want to tell her that it was Wormtail and about her.

'Ok so you have the blood?' she asked.

'Yup, let's do the spell.'

Lily nodded and pulled a map out across the table, it was a map of the UK, 'Okay we reckon she still has him in the country?'

'I think so, she'd need to keep an eye on him, but still be able to meet with death eaters to do death eater things,' Remus said and James nodded.

'Okay the knife?' she asked, and Remus passed it to her. She held the knife above the map.

'Chant with me.' She mumbled some latin under her breath and they all joined in.

They repeated the phrase so many time he wasn't sure it was even working. But then the knife started to vibrate over the map. They kept going and the blood made it's way to the top of the knife where it beaded into little balls and finally dropped from the knife on to the map.

'The blood mapped out a trail from the school into the woods and kept trailing until it rested on a spot in the middle of nowhere.

'Where is that?' Remus asked.

'It looks next to the lakes,' she said, ‘I didn't realise Bellatrix had a thing for open water.'

'Please say she's not drowning him,' Remus said.

'She needs him alive to torment you remember,' James said cheerfully.

‘I had two crucio curses set on me by Bellatrix,' Remus said. They all turned to look at him and it made him squirm.

'Are you okay?' Lily asked.

'No I'm fine now, that’s not why I said it. She did that curse twice on me and it was agony and I was close to giving her everything she could have very wanted in life because of that curse. I was only with her for half an hour. If she's repeatedly using that curse on him.'

'The Sirius who left might not be the one we get back,' Lily finished. And he nodded. He didn't say it to frighten anyone, but that had to know, just because he was alive didn't mean he was going to be okay. 'Okay we have a location. Now we need a distraction. She threw the potion down her neck.

'Wait!' James yelled. 'Dammit Lily I was going to take that.'

'I know him better than you,' she said. 'I know how to be him.' She held her stomach as the polyjuice began to work. Her skin bubbled and moved and change, her hair grew darker. Her nose hooked and her eyes grew darker.

'It's uncanny,' James made a face.

'Hm,' Remus said. 'It's rather unfortunate isn’t it.'

'I've already written a note to Bellatrix asking to meet,' Lily/Snape said. 'We going to meet tonight in the Hogshead, I told her I knew what Remus was planning.'

'What are you going to tell her?'

'That you're leaving it to Dumbledore to rescue Sirius. But that you might leave the castle on the Friday to try and find him.'  
Remus nodded, that's good.

'She might believe that,' James said. 'I'm coming along under the invisibility cloak.'

'No you're not,' she said. 'You need to rescue Sirius. Remus can't leave the castle, so you need to go with Peter and keep the cloak over you.'

'What?' he said. 'But what if she figure you out. You're muggle-born Lily, she won't hesitate to kill you.'

'We don't have a choice,' she said.

'I'm not staying here,' Remus said. 'I know what they said about me staying in the castle, but I have the invisibility cloak I'll be fine. I'll go rescue Sirius; you and Peter stick with Lily in your Animagus forms.’

'Where the hell is a stag going to hide in the pub?' James demanded.

'Be outside the pub you idiot. She can yell if she needs help,' Remus said.

'Remus if you get caught,' Lily warned.

'They've said what they needed to say and they're waiting for me to make a choice. They aren't after me right now.'

Lily nodded, 'Okay.'

James also nodded too, 'Okay. Tonight then.'

'I'm going to go now,' he said. 'I'm going to take Sirius' bike and head out. I don't know where that is and I'll have a chance to stake it out before going in later. I can watch her leave.'

'Okay, but be careful, you don't what kind of wards she's put on the place, take some kind of detector with you. You don't want to set one off and have her figure out you're there okay.

Remus nodded, he'd figured as much. He knew there was a few things in the defence against the dark arts classroom that might be able to use.

* * *

 

Sirius was not in the best mood. It wasn't just because his mother had kidnapped him and then handed him over to his murderous death eater cousin. Or that she dragged him to merlin knows where. It was that she had spelled everything to be locked and he was bored and hungry. She literally poofed him here, crucio-ed him a few times which was mightily unpleasant, and he was going to enjoy killing her for that. But then she locked everything and vanished. He had the freedom of movement around the cabin he'd been dumped in, but that wasn’t saying much. Actually it was less of a cabin and more of a shed. There was nothing in it. There wasn't even a bed. It was a wooden box and he was stuck in it.  
He had no idea where his wand was, and he couldn't even feel his magic. He felt Bellatrix might have had something to do with that. He couldn't transform into his animagus form, something he 'd never needed his wand for. He searched deep inside himself, more reflective then he would ever normally be, but there was nothing. Not a hint. She'd done something to him, cut him off from his magic and it made him feel bizarrely hollow. Even more hollow than when Remus at left. Between both things he might as well had been hollowed out by an ice cream scoop and left to rot in the sun. Speaking of the sun, he was legitimately freezing his balls off. The bitch could have left him with some heating. He was going to freeze to death and then she wouldn't have much in the way of blackmail material would she.

  
Sirius grumbled some more to himself. But there wasn't much more he could do. He tried to kick the door down, but every time he tried he was thrown back into the room. He was a damn damsel in the woods and he had no way of rescuing himself and he wanted to yank his hair out it was so frustrating . What else could he do, but wait for the calvary to come rescue him. Though where the hell were they. James and Dumbledore had known where he was, and they'd left. They hadn't come to his rescue. They'd just up-ed and went. What kind of friendship was that? There was a scratch at the window and he went to go look outside and saw a hippogriff scratching at the glass and pushing his face up against the glass. He’d never seen one in person before. It was a beautiful creature. Silvery in colour and huge.

  
‘Hey Buddy,’ he said. He remember something he’d heard about hippogriffs and bowed to the window hoping it could see. The hippogriff tilted it’s head to the side in a gesture reminiscent of a bird. Sirius looked up, refraining from looking it in the eye, the hippogriff seemed to have recognised the gesture and was scratching at the window again.  
‘Hi Marvellous, beautiful, handsome creature, can you break this glass for me? I am not as strong as you?’ It was different charming a hippogriff to a house-elf, but he reckoned he was doing a good enough job here. The hippogriff tilted it’s head again and this time, Sirius cursed under his breath he should have known he wasn’t going to get a hippogriff to understand he was trapped.

The hippogriff flew away then.

‘NO NO NO NO,’ Sirius yelled. ‘Come back.’

There was distinct sound of clicking and he realised the hippogriff had flown away because his dear cousin had come back home. Joy of joys. He always liked her visiting.

‘I’m back,’ she said bursting through the door.

‘Obviously,’ Sirius replied. ‘Changed your mind about the whole kidnapping thing? Decided it was beneath you and you’d much rather realease me and go back to killing muggles and muggle-borns the old-fashioned way’

Bellatrix raised her eyebrow at him, ‘You really think I’d let you go now that I have you. Tut tut tut Sirius, you know me better than that.’

‘What did you do to me?’

‘My, whatever do you mean? I have done nothing to you,’ she said with her usual smirk.

‘You know what I mean,’ he said. ‘What have you done to my magic. Why can’t I feel it?’

She shrugged her shoulders, ‘Perhaps I gave you a potion to dull its effects while you were asleep, or maybe I cast a charm that ripped it from your body permanently. I don’t really remember all of that.’

Sirius was ready to launch himself at her; it would do no good to throw himself at her while she had magic and he didn’t. But if she gave her back to him, he would launch himself full force at her and take her down.

‘I’ve got a meeting tonight with that greasy one from your school.’

‘Snivellus, still meeting with you despite everything. God I hate that slimy git,’ he commented. Of course he wouldn’t have listened to Sirius and stayed away or even thought about poor

Lily and the friendship he had thrown away. No Snape was going to meet with Bellatrix and play some stupid love is a death eater game between them.

‘He tells me he has some information on what the werewolf is up to,’ she said wistfully. ‘Perhaps he’ll tell me that the wolf will do anything to save you and therefore will do exactly as I say.’

‘Keep dreaming,’ he said. ‘Do what you want with me, but Remus will never do what you want. He’ll never kill for me. It isn’t who he is.’

‘I heard you talking to your mother, I know what you’d do for him.’

‘Yes what I’d do for him. I am the type, you did this the wrong way round. I would murder for Remus in a heartbeat. And I wouldn’t give a shit. But he won’t. He’s better than us, better than me and you’re too stupid to see that.’

‘CRUCIO.’

He dropped to the floor and convulsed as the pain wracked through him. A million paper cuts with salt all over his body. He should have known taunting her would’ve gotten him here. But he couldn’t help it. She was just so stupid when it came to Remus. She didn’t know who she was dealing with and she never would.

‘Witch witch witch rhymes with bitch,’ he mumbled to the ground. She giggled.

‘Everyone calls me that,’ she said. ‘Much more than Bellatrix, I think it might be my new name.’

Sirius glared at her and tried to ignore the burning desire to put his hand through her chest.

‘You’re the one who is wrong little one,’ she said. He twitched on the floor the power of the spell running through him and burning out his limbs.

'I will kill you myself,' he hissed through clenched teeth. She sat on the floor facing him, her wand point out and ready to be used at his face. She still wasn't letting her guard down on any of them.

'You're wrong on that,' Bellatrix said. 'You're wrong about Remus.’

'Has anyone told you that you're full of shit cousin,' he said in response to her.

'Names names, they don't bother me at all,' she said. 'But I think he will kill for you. I think you're wrong. I've seen the way he looks at you Sirius'

'Yes of course he looks like that at me,' Sirius said, 'I know that. But he won't kill. It will destroy him, but he won't do it. He won't hurt anyone for me. Why won’t you listen to me about that?’

'Want a wager,' Bellatrix said with a grin.

'What's the stakes? my life,’ he said.

Bellatrix nodded with a grin on her face.

'Crucio,' she said with a delightful glee, and Sirius convulsed on the floor as the pain ran over him again. God he'd kill the students himself to get them it to stop.

'I do love that curse.'

'Imperius,' Bellatrix yelled. Sirius could feel his muscles tightening and the ability to move leaving him. The friction of his magic was gone, but he still hold on with his will and it slipped and moved away from him. 'You’re mine. Dance for me.'

Sirius felt his legs twitch and move to stand him up. He fought against it. He clenched his teeth and his nails dug into his hands.

'Oh so you still have some will, I thought I'd taken that from you,' she tilted her head to the side.

'No, you took my magic not my will,' he said. ‘You'd better do your research more.'

Bellatrix glared at him, 'Crucio. It's good to know this curse still works on you.’

‘You keep doing that curse all you want; it’s not going to change anything. You think you can make the world bend, but the earth won’t bend by force. It will just blow up in your face and take everything you love along with it.’

‘Well on that beautiful piece of wisdom I am going to leave for my meeting. I will see you again soon.’

‘I will kill you myself Bellatrix,’ he said.

‘No cousin. I will be the one to kill you,’ she said. ‘Whether it’s now or later I will abolish your traitorous blood from our lives and our family tree will be better for it. Don’t think for one moment that I have any love you.’

‘Nor I you,’ he said. ‘I will laugh over you body.’

Sirius bit his lip as he took in the moment of it all; he was the same as Bellatrix. The only difference was the side they’d fallen on. It was a sickening feeling and the smile on her face suggested she had just realised the same thing. They were the same as each other and that was that. They were two sides of the same coin more than him and his brother ever had been, and one would kill the other sooner or later. Hell they even looked a like: sleek black hair, grey eyes, devilishly handsome facial structure.

‘Goodbye,’ she said. And left. As soon as she felt the cabin he felt the will flow back into his arms, his strength and determination overcame him and he breathed a sigh of relief. His bones still ached though, and he wondered who it was who had first discovered such a spell as that damn crucio curse.


	23. Chapter 23

He tried to stand, using the wall to help him up. He walked back towards the window unable to let the wall go just yet. Once he got there window he tried to see if he could spot his little hippogriff friend from before. He saw a shadow move across the grass, but saw no person or hippogriff. He sighed and his breath fogged up the window. 

As he continued staring off into the distance, a jet of light appeared and hit the cabin. He was knocked back and the entire cabin shook from the spell. It was like someone was firing canons at the building. After mere moments there was a shimmer that moved all around the cabin. He stood up, barely holding himself upright, and faced the door, someone was coming in.   
The door opened and there was nothing there. He put up his fists ready to scrap.

‘Who…who are you?’ he said, his voice was still horse. God did he sound like a coward to anyone else? He heard footsteps running and a weight pushed against his chest. He fell to the floor the weight on top of him. He was about to retaliate to his attacker when he felt the fabric and pulled the invisibility cloak away. Remus was in his arms. 

‘Moony!’ he yelled and returned the hug that Remus was giving him. ‘Oh my god Remus. You came for me.’

‘Of course I came for you, you idiot,’ he said. ‘Why did you go after you’re family for me you idiot!’ 

‘I wanted to know what they were planning,’ he said. Remus was heavy on him, but it was an amazing feeling. 

‘You got yourself bloody kidnapped.’ Remus was adorable when he was angry, he got this little puckering between his eyebrows. 

‘Well I didn’t plan on that bit,’ he said. Then he kissed Remus as hard he could. ‘I thought I might never see you again. Wait you left me!’ 

‘Yes, well, now isn’t the time for that, she could come back any minute.’

‘No now is the time, knowing our luck she’s already outside that door and ready to kills us and then we’ll never have this talk.’ 

‘This is really uncomfortable,’ Remus said, which was more than a little hypocritical considering he was the one who’d barrelled into Sirius in the first place.

‘Well tough I can’t move well,’ Sirius said. ‘My body isn’t listening to me much at the moment, and the bitch did something to my magic. Also you’re changing the subject. You left me! You dumped me!’ 

‘It’s because I thought I was just another fling to you and I couldn’t take it.’ 

‘Yes Lily explained that to me. I had to go to Lily to ask for advice because you’d actually left the damn castle,’ Sirius complained. At the same time he moved his arm so he had a better hold on Remus. ‘Look I’m not good at talking. I’m much better at doing.’ 

‘Yes but the things you’ve done with me you’ve also done with every other girl in the school.’ 

Sirius frowned, ‘You’re not getting it. Have I ever tormented a slimy git because that git dared to try and bully one of those girls in first year.’ 

‘No.’

‘Have I ever learnt how to be an animagus in order to help them when they turn into a damn werewolf.’

‘No.’

‘Have I ever taken on a werewolf, one on one, in order to stop one of them from hurting themselves.’

‘No.’

‘Have I ever gone home to my family to try and save them from death eaters.’ 

‘No.’ 

‘See!’ 

‘But you do that because you’re a marauder. The first things you did for me as a marauder not because of any other feelings.’ 

‘Ok, Moony, I am sorry that it took me this long to realise I wanted to be in your pants. But I think I felt this way all along. You see I feel this need to protect you. You’re good and kind and pure in a way I’ll never be, and you still see the good in me. You see the darkness in me too and you don’t run away from it. It doesn’t scare you. And I need to protect that; it’s part of me. And no its not because you’re one of the marauders. I don’t feel that need to protect them. Of course I would if they needed it. But that’s the difference you don’t get it. This isn’t about if you need me to protect you, I just have to, it’s in my bones. Because without you moony I feel hollow and empty and goddamit I hate talking. And this is why I hate relationships. Because this, and then you leave me when I give up on going to the Potter’s on christmas day for you. You know how much I like Mrs. Potter’s roast potatoes and they’ve went and invited Lily instead because I was supposed to be spending christmas day with you!’ 

‘Sirius what are you…’

‘I am in love with you Remus Lupin. Moony, my moony. I love you. So stop trying to leave me I don’t like it. And stop running off to meet death eaters on your own.’ 

‘Only if you stop running off to your family on your own.’

‘Deal.’

‘I love you too,’ Remus said. ‘I was so scared she’d hurt you.’ 

‘Yeah well, the bitch underestimated us didn’t she. She doesn’t know how strong we are. But she does have my wand. I might need to call that a loss and get a new one.’ 

‘Maybe.’ 

‘I liked that wand,’ Sirius said. ‘Ok help me up.’ 

Sirius let Remus stand up first so he could help Sirius to his feet. Oh god his bones ached. But he had Remus against his side and it was perfect, he could feel the hollowness of his magic still missing, but that was okay, because at least most of his soul had been restored by the presence next to him. He hadn’t realised how much he needed Moony. Damn feelings, they were the absolute worst. 

‘Don’t talk this the wrong way, because you tend to, but where are the others?’ Sirius asked.

‘Distracting Bellatrix,’ he said. ‘She’s not meeting Snape she’s meeting Lily disguised as Snape.’ 

Sirius snorted at the thought of Lily in a wig with a hooked nose, ‘Polyjuice’

Remus nodded.

‘I can’t believe she’d do that for me,’ he said. 

‘She grabbed the potion from Prongs so she could do it,’ he said. ‘Said she knew Snape best and she would be more convincing as him than Prongs.’

‘She’s probably right,’ he said. ‘How did you find me?’ 

‘Regulus,’ he said. 

‘Regulus knows where I am?’ Sirius asked.

‘No. We got him with a blood drawer knife, so we could use his blood to find you. Took all four of us to manage the spell, and I was convinced we weren’t even strong enough with that much, but some how it worked and we found you.’ 

‘Does he know?’

‘Nope used the cloak,’

‘Shame. He would have loved to have been my rescuer. I wonder what dear old Mummy will say when she realises her plan for me went up in smoke.’ 

Sirius was dragged into the forest by Remus.

‘MY BABY!’ Sirius yelped at the first sight of his bike. His precious was propped up against the tree. 

‘This was a great breach of trust in our relationship by the way, stealing my bike is not an okay boyfriend activity okay,’ he said. He ran his hand over his bike before throwing his arms over it, ‘It’s okay, I’m here now.’ 

‘I have to tell you something about the bike,’ Remus said. Sirius looked at him, he was shifting from foot to foot and looking more than a little sheepish. 

‘What did you do to her?’ he asked. 

Remus shuffled uneasily from foot to foot and wasn't looking him in the eye.

'What did you do Moony?' Sirius asked. 'What did you do to my baby?' Sirius searched his bike up and down trying to see if he could spot the damage himself. 

'I didn't damage it,' Remus said indignantly. 'I just charmed it.' 

'You what?'

'I charmed it,' Remus said with a wide grin.

'You took my perfectly lovely muggle motorbike and made it magical?'

'Yes,' Remus. 'Well I don't know the rules of the road do I? How on earth would I actually manage to actually ride it as motorbike?' 

'Okay Remus what did you do? Charm it to ride for you?' 

'Not quite,' he said. 'It flies.'

'It what?' 

'Like a broom, only much more steady than a broom, and nicer for longer periods of time actually,' Remus said with a smile. Sirius couldn't tell if he wanted to slap Remus hug him for that. The whole point of the bike was that it was a muggle thing, but then he loved flying and the combination seemed perfect. 

'Padfoot are you in shock?' Remus asked. 

'I don't know how I feel about this, I will either yell or hug you later,' Sirius said instead. 'Let's just get back to the castle and make sure the others are alright, and we have some making up to do by the way, dear Moony, a lot of making up to do.' 

'I know exactly where you mind is at right now, and that is unfortunate, because I do massively agree with you.'

'Why is that unfortunate?'

'Because we've got some explaining to do, I might have told them about is,' Remus said. 

'Well it's about time they knew anyway, especially if we're planning on sticking with this,' Sirius said. 

'You're not mad?'

'No they were going to find out eventually. I suppose Prongs is a bit pissed'

'Yeah that's putting it mildly.' Sirius pulled his bike upright and clambered on. Remus got on behind him threading his arms around Sirius's waist. Sirius smiled, it felt right, the bike between his legs Remus's arms around him, him melting against Sirius. This was how it was always supposed to be and he would kill Bellatrix for nearly taking this from him. Because they might have escaped now, but there was no way she wasn't coming after them. No way at all. 

They got back to the castle fairly quickly, which was a shame, Remus had been so close to just falling asleep on Sirius' back as he rode through the sky. He finally had his arms where he needed them to be, not to mention he had something he never thought he would have: Sirius' declaration of love. He didn't know how that had happened. He had heard what Lily has said, but he never believed her. That Sirius had felt this way all along about him. How could he think that? How could he let his heart hope that for any length of time? And now here he was saying that they were boyfriends and that he wasn't going to leave, and telling off Remus for leaving, and throwing himself to the death eaters for him. 

Sirius had told him on the ride over that his plan had backfired, he'd attempted to threaten his mother into confessing, but then Bellatrix got the drop on him somehow and that his mother had given him over with glee. Remus still didn't get it, how could his family do that, how can a mother look at her son and decide he wasn't worthy of life? How could she look at Sirius and not see every bit of worth he possessed. He held Sirius tighter as he thought about it, but he knew he couldn't replace what Sirius had lost. 

The castle was a welcome site as they saw it cresting over the horizon. They flew into the open window on the third floor and startled a few first years. Sirius was going to be even more legendary now he'd crashed in on a bike. Remus could tell Sirius knew it too. 

'Do you have the map?' Sirius asked.

Remus shook his head, 'James does because they were sneaking out to Hogsmeade.' 

'Alright, let's hope they're in the common room,' Sirius said. 

'Should we tell Dumbledore? What if he's sending his own rescue party?' Remus asked.

'Later, we need to make the others are fine first.' 

Remus nodded and they dumped the bike in the room of requirement before heading straight to the common room taking all stairs two at a time. 

'Prongs!' Sirius yelled as he pushed the painting. 'PRONGS!'

'PADFOOT!' 

Remus saw the exact moment their faces lit up with joy, the two threw their arms around each other. Lily smiled as she sat nursing a cup of tea and Peter who seemed to be playing wizard chess by himself lifted his head up slightly in acknowledgement. 

'Padfoot you numpty how could you go getting yourself kidnapped?'

'What about you? You were in my house when I was and you left!' 

'I had to, Dumbledore said something about not forcing her to do something stupid like just kill you. And how come you’ve been snogging 

Remus behind all our backs and never bothered to say anything?'

'Well it was more than a bit of snogging,' Sirius wiggled his eyes brows.

'Oh god, I don’t want to hear this,' James said plugging his ears and Remus laughed. 

'Anyway we wanted to see what it was first,' Remus explained because Sirius was grinning too much and being all suggestive with his eyebrows.

'And?' Lily asked after a sip of her tea. Remus thought she looked haunted, there was something dark in her eyes that wasn't there before and Remus wondered if their trip had gone as well as it looked like it had.

'Remus came to his senses,' Sirius said. 

'More like you finally bloody told me what you were thinking,' Remus said. 'But yes we are together. We're a thing.' 

Sirius turned and smiled at him and gave him his hand and Remus grabbed it. Sirius pulled him in and put his arm around his waist. 

'Yes this is a thing, we are together now,' Sirius said. 

'Oh my god,' James said again. Lily sighed.

'James you're just going to have to get used to seeing this,' Lily said. James looked affronted.

'No not that. Padfoot held his hand! and put his arm around him! and look at the smile and oh my god this is serious,' James said. 'How could you not see this?' He pointed the last bit at Remus as if Remus should have noticed all along that Sirius had been treating him differently. 

'Because Sirius never learnt to use his words,' Lily said for him. 'But now we're all hear in one piece. I'll go tell Dumbledore.' 

She rubbed James arm gently as she passed him and stopped before Sirius. 

'I'm glad you're back.' 

'I hear you were the genius behind that,' Sirius replied. 'Thank you. And thank you for your advice.' 

She smiled, 'You're not half bad Sirius Black.' 

Remus untangled himself from Sirius and followed after her. 

'Lily?' 

'Yeah?' She asked half outside the portrait.

'What happened?' 

She gave a sad smile, 'Nothing we didn't expect, I guess that even if it was my plan I didn't expect that she would meet with Severus or that they had clearly met so many times before.'

'You hoped it would turn out to be wrong?' Remus asked. 

 

'Not for Sirius' sake,' she said suddenly. 'It's just if my own best friend could learn to hurt me and kill me then what's to stop him turning everyone on their side. We're fighting a losing battle Remus.' 

'I still don't think Snape would ever hurt you or kill you,' Remus said. 'I don't know what he's playing at. And I think he might hate muggle borns. But I think he hates muggle borns that aren't you. I think you will always be special to him. I don't think they turned him from you.' 

'Thank you Remus,' she said. 'I'm really happy for you and Sirius. You balance each other very well. I'm going to go tell Dumbedore, you go back inside and hug your man.' 

Remus smiled and nodded and headed back inside. James looked at Remus. 

'I just wanted to see if she was alright,' he said. Sirius' arm lifted and Remus took the space without hesitation. He'd hated having been separated from Sirius. Wondering what harm they were doing to him. To be able to be beside him and feel his warmth, he needed it. He was convinced he would turn around and Sirius would be gone again. 

'Can we go lie down?' Sirius asked. 

'Hey! I still don't need to hear that,' James said. 

'We have good silent charms, but no, I actually want to lie down my bones hurt.'

'She crucio-ed you didn't she?' Remus said. 

'Yes, a lot,' Sirius said. 'I'm fine, I just want my bed, and a Moony and a long sleep.' 

'Done,' Remus said they walked to the stairs and he tried to pretend that Sirius wasn’t nearly collapsing with every step. He heard James and Peter as they went upstairs.

'Are me and Lily that bad?' 

'You're worse.'


	24. Chapter 24

The air smelt cold and damp in the hallways and Severus was shivering as he walked through the school. His left arm was burning and it felt a lot like rashness and regret. Apparently impulsiveness was not a trait reserved exclusively for Gryffindors; it could seep into other houses like unwanted ghosts in the night. He ground his teeth as the burning reminded him of Potter, and the actions he’d taken against him. There was a small chance he’d gone too far. 

He’d overheard snippets of conversation from other Death Eaters, so he knew that they’d taken Black to threaten Lupin. It was a genius plan. Those idiots would do anything for each other, but cared little for the rest of the world. Severus had no doubt in his mind the steps they could and would take for each other and it made his stomach turn. He couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like. Would his life be different if he knew there was someone there to die or kill for him? 

He turned down the corridor with Dumbledore’s office as Lily came out. Her eyes were red and her hair hadn’t been brushed, it was like she’d just woken up or stopped crying. She glanced at him and then turned to walk away. 

‘Lily wait,’ he shouted. She stopped and a few others students hurried past them. She didn’t turn around so Severus moved to stand in front of her instead. ‘Lily I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it.’

‘You think I’m still mad about the name-calling?’ She sneered and he recoiled. Lily had never spoken to him like that before. ‘She tortured them Severus!’

‘Wh-what?’ Severus asked. The burning on his arm was getting hotter and he itched it with his right hand. 

‘Sirius and Remus. And don’t you dare say they deserved it. You have no idea how pale and damaged they looked. They can’t even stand up they’re so weak.’

‘They’re both here?’ Severus asked realising Bellatrix must have failed in her plan. 

‘Yes, we saved them, but not before she hurt them, badly. How could you?’ 

‘Because he’s a werewolf Lily, he’s dangerous.’ 

‘We’re all dangerous! A wizard with a wand can kill someone faster than a werewolf with teeth. Something you should’ve realised considering who you’re now hanging out with.’   
Severus glared at her. So what if Bellatrix killed muggles, some muggles needed killing, especially ones like his dad. 

‘You don’t understand,’ Severus said. Lily never had, even with the hatred her sister threw her way, it wasn’t the same as the abuse a father could do. If muggles knew about them, and knew how powerful they were, then Severus’ dad would’ve never have treated him and his mother like that, and Lily’s sister would’ve left her alone. Nothing good came from bowing down to muggles and every day Severus wanted to reach into his skin and pull out the part of him that was muggle. Left over remnants of his Dad lingered in his blood and he wanted it gone. 

‘You’re right I don’t understand. I thought you were my friend. I loved you, how could you do this to me.’ Lily said and her eyes were shining. 

‘I’m not doing anything to you,’ he snapped. He couldn’t understand why she was now crying. ‘It isn’t about you.’ 

‘Not about me?’ She laughed through her tears. ‘You become friends with a group of people who hate me and it’s not about me.’

‘It’s what you did!’

‘So this is vengeance because I’m going out with James,’ Lily shook her head. 

‘No, they are my friends, they understand me,’ Severus said. Lily was still shaking her head.

‘I can’t believe this is happening. They understand you? What exactly do they understand that I missed? That apparently you hate muggle-borns now? That you have no issues getting two boys tortured? Or that you helped set in place a plan that would’ve resulted in dead students and allowed Voldemort to take charge of this school.’

Severus gritted his teeth. He didn’t see the point in denying the last bit, Bellatrix hadn’t bothered to tell him why they needed Lupin, Severus had just went a long with it in the hopes it would get him out of the school and away from Lily. How could he tell Lily that they were the only people who treated him with respect. She just stared at him, and he knew she was waiting for him to deny what she’d said. 

‘I will never forgive you for this,’ she whispered and turned to run. He let her. If she wanted to think that of him then fine. It didn’t matter anymore, she’d picked her side and he would pick his. 

He walked back to the Slytherin common room. As soon as he made it through the portrait a number of students cheered. Someone even wolf-whistled. Avery came up beside him and threw his arms over his shoulder. 

‘Look if it isn’t Bellatrix’s new boy toy,’ Avery said. They walked over to where Malcibur was sitting by the window. He was grinning at Severus, he couldn’t help but grin back. 

‘So we-er heard about your little meeting today,’ Avery said sitting down. 

‘Did you now,’ Severus remarked. These were two people who didn’t judge him, who liked him even. Well Lily could turn away from him if she wanted, he’d show her. He’d study the Dark Arts and become powerful, even more powerful than the Dark Lord and he’d show the lot of them. 

‘Did you get it?’ Malcibur asked. Severus nodded and lifted up the robe covering his burning arm. There on his arm in jet black ink was the Dark Mark.

* * *

There was a tingling in Sirius’ hands and his arms. In fact there was a tingling throughout his entire body. It was similar to the feeling of blood rushing to his limbs from pins and needles. 

‘Hey Remus,’ he said and nudged the sleeping figure who had been, rather adorably, drooling on his chest. Remus looked up at him with wide Moony eyes full of sleep and confusion. ‘I think my magic is back.’ 

Remus stared at him for a moment, and Sirius could see his statement suddenly make sense to him. 

‘Really.’

‘Pass me your wand,’ Sirius asked. Remus rolled off him and leant over the bed.

‘Here.’ 

Sirius grabbed the wand and he felt a jolt of energy race along his arm. It was different from when he held his own wand, which normally felt like an extension of himself. This wand had a sense of familiarity. 

‘What’s your wand made from?’ Sirius asked. 

‘Cypress with unicorn hair, why?’ Remus said as he snuggled back into Sirius’ chest. Sirius couldn’t help the grin tugging at the edges of his mouth.

‘Just curious,’ he said. The wand was nothing like the mahogany, dragon core that his own was. The connection had to be because of his feelings for Remus. 

He pointed Remus’ wand at the air and whispered a spell under his breath. Tiny lights appeared the size of fireflies and floated above them. He had them circle slowly above them.

‘They’re pretty,’ Remus said, but refrained from lifting his head from Sirius’ chest. 

‘Everything aches still,’ Sirius said. ‘I didn’t think the Crucio curse would hurt as much as it did.’ 

‘I don’t suppose anyone will ever truly understand it until it is done to them. I don’t think the people who use it even know what they are doing.’ 

‘My Moony always looking for the best in people.’ Sirius kissed his head. There was a lightness in Sirius that made him want to laugh or giggle, or something equally stupid. Here was Moony, his beautiful Moony, and he was safe and in his arms.

‘Sirius you look like you’ve snapped,’ Remus said with a frown. 

‘I possibly have, I don’t think I was meant to be this happy,’ he said. He played with the strands of Remus’ hair, running them through his fingers. His eyes were hooded as he attempted not to fall asleep from Sirius’ petting. ‘You know Snivellus was going to put silver in your tea. Silver! As if he was some muggle were-hunter. But now that I think about I reckon you’re my silver. You’re my weakness and you’re my strength, and you’re just everything.’

Remus looked at him and then kissed his jaw. 

‘I love you Sirius Black,’ Remus said. Sirius grinned again and kissed Remus on the nose. 

‘I can’t wait till I can move properly again I am going to-’ 

‘KNOCK KNOCK’ James screamed from out the door. 

Sirius laughed, ‘Hang on their Prongs Ol’chap I have to get the boxers back on.’ Sirius was in fact already in his boxers and the quilt was over them anyway, but the eschewing scream from James made him grin from ear to ear. 

‘You’re free to come in Prongs,’ Remus said. James opened the door and came in with a trailing Peter and Lily. Wormtail sat down in his usual bed and looked incredibly forlorn. Sirius would’ve punched him in the arm to snap him out of it but he was too tired and he had a Moony lying on him.  
James frowned as he stood across from them, ‘It’s going to take a while for me to get used to this.’

'Sorry mate, but we’ve both been crucio’d, Remus has been blackmailed, and I was held for ransom and had my magic stripped. We can’t actually move even if we wanted to.’ 

‘Okay new Marauder rule, no one runs off to meet Death Eaters or family members who might as well be death eaters on their own. I am clear. Either of you could be dead now. And the marauders do not and will not function as a three.’

‘Or as a five,’ mumbled Peter. But Sirius was practicing his best pouty face in the hopes of forgiveness from James that he didn't fully hear. 

‘Pack it in Padfoot, you can’t even move right now you’re that hurt, I really need you to stop being stupid and take care of your damn self. Do you have any idea of what any of us would do without you!’

‘Why am I the only one being yelled at,’ Sirius whined.

‘We’ve already yelled at Remus,’ Lily said. ‘Before we got you back.’ 

She gently pushed Remus and Sirius’ legs and sat on the edge of the bed while James looked practically red in the face. 

‘What did Dumbledore say?’ Remus asked and Sirius wanted to kiss him for turning the subject away from him 

‘You’re in the clear for now,’ Lily said. ‘There is a rumour that Bellatrix let you go deliberately, for some greater reason, which she no doubt started because no one can doubt the precious Dark Lord. Plus Dumbledore has found a lead on something else that Voldemort is after and has surmounted an attack on that in order to distract him. So for now you are no longer being targeted to join the Death Eaters!’

‘What was the lead?’ Sirius asked. 

‘Wouldn’t say,’ she said. ‘Apparently we are still too young for the Order.’

‘We?’ James asked, turning to her. She smiled, and Sirius felt a suspicion the smile wasn’t all too genuine. 

‘I bumped into Severus outside Dumbledore’s office,’ she said looking down at her knees. 

‘Did you talk?’ Remus asked. Lily had been avoiding him for a while now, ever since he’d called her a mudblood. Lily nodded. 

‘He…I don’t know him anymore,’ she said with a sniffle. Sirius wasn’t sure what to do. The person Lily knew wasn’t the person they’d known. How could they console her about a man they all hated? 

‘I can’t believe he’d meet with her, or join them, or any of the things he’s done.’

‘He has always been into the Dark Arts,’ James said quietly. 

‘But he never hated muggle-borns, not till now. He never hated me.’ 

‘He’s an idiot,’ Sirius said. ‘No one in their right mind could hate you. Even when you called us names we never hated you.’  
Lily hiccuped a laugh.

James knelt down on the floor in front of her and held her face in his hands. There were tears in her eyes. 

‘You are one of the most talented and gifted witches in this school,’ James said. ‘No one can charm the way you can. No one with any bit of sense would deny what you are, and that is an incredible witch.’

‘Here, here!’ Chorused Sirius. ‘Much better than the majority of purebloods in this school. I only say majority because I have to include myself, and you know I am brilliant, but that is in spite of my breeding I would have you know.’

Remus looked up at him and flicked him on the nose, ‘bad Sirius.’ 

‘Can’t deny truth,’ Sirius commented. And in all fairness to him Lily was now laughing, which had been his plan all a long. He honestly couldn’t fathom how that idiot Snivellus could have for one moment even considered talking to people who might do Lily harm.

‘So we’re not listening to Dumbledore are we,’ Sirius said. ’The Death Eaters have dragged us into this fight and I’m not backing down and waiting in a corner till I’m of age.’ 

‘I agree,’ Lily said.

‘What?’ James questioned.

‘I want to be in this fight, I am being persecuted after all. I am the one who will be rounded up and killed if the Death Eaters get what they want, and people like me, whose only crime was not to be born to magical parents. To be gifted with instead of being born with magic. I won’t stand by and let them do this to anyone else.’

‘Did I mention I love you,’ James said. 

Sirius for once didn’t comment on the display of emotion, he almost told Lily he loved her too. This was good. He had Remus back and they were here and they were safe. They were going to fight and they were going to win. No one could beat the Marauders, not even the Death Eaters


End file.
